budgeting disaster!

MrsB123_2

I'm really sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place -I was a little lost!

Today has been one of those days - I feel like I've walked into a film rather than living in my own life.

BACKGROUND: I look after our budgets in our family. I am married, I'm employed and run a business on a self employed basis, we have 3 children but me and my hubby have seperate bank accounts. I do not have access to his bank account statements.

After having a fairly frustrating morning at work I decided to go home for lunch. I arrived and found 3 letters from our local council tax office (2012, 2011, 2010) each letter threatening to take us to court for non payment. I phoned to correct them - lets just say I looked like an idiot when trying to say that my husband pays the bills every month (we did have small arrears between 2010-2011 totalling about £300 after my husband began employment following redunancy and after about 20 phonecalls we finally managed to get the credit of housing benefit removed. In 2012 they informed us this calculation was incorrect and we needed to make some repayments) Turns out my husband has not been paying and has broken the repayment agreement and they will only accept the full amount or court.

After putting the phone down it rang immediately - turns out my mortgage agreement has been broken (I didn't even know we had a payment plan with them!) It is not the first payment plan but it will be the last - I gave them every penny I could transfer across and have agreed an amount to repay.

We've had money troubles since my husband was made redundant but we have enough money to pay the bills. I feel so furious that he has done all this but I am really worried I am open to some major issues. Given my job I cannot work if I have criminal convictions or CCJ's.

I know I am an idiot and I don't need any reminders right now. I feel absolutely sick and petrified and would really appreciate some advice. I have no idea what to do about my husband but right now I need to make sure my kids have a home to live in. Do I need to budget for the whole amount of our bills if it is in joint names and he is not paying?

Any constructive pointers gratefully received.

patanne

I don't know if I can help at all but first of all DO NOT feel like an idiot. You trusted someone who should have had you & your family's best interests at heart. Very few relationships work well without that trust & he has broken that trust not you. Be thankful that you have found out now & not further down the line. If you are at home still then I suggest that, as he has already broken the trust between you, that you start a search to find any bank statements, unpaid bills etc . (Knowledge is power after all). If you do find bills in his name only do not pay them.

Then you need to prepare yourself for a difficult conversation with him. If you have somewhere your children can be during this conversation I think that would be a good idea. You need to find out what he has done with the money & I suspect that it will not be a pleasant conversation.

I am sure someone will be along with more practical advice re the debt he has put you in as it is not something I know very much about but I couldn't just read & run. I will be thinking about you & hope that you find a straightforward solution. Good luck!

Tupperware_Queen

hi hun,

I totally understand, and have walked that mile myself, firstly, you need to sit him down and have a sensible discussion - try not to let your anger/upset/fear come through, you need to make a plan, and you can't do that if you are on the verge of hysteria (trust me, that option just makes things worse).

Do you know for sure that you can't work with CCJ's? I had been told similar, but it turns out it was true years ago, but not now.

Make a list, an honest list, of what is owed - every penny. Hopefully your OH will come clean (mine didn't, but thats why he is now an ex)

You need to get advice, proper, unbiased advice, such as CAB. You may have to wait for an appointment, but don't panic. Write to all of your creditors, explain you are in difficulty and are seeking advice, and ask for their patience - this may not stop the nasty letters, but at least keeps them informed. Get proof of posting (free) for all the letters and keep copies.

Time to look really, really hard at the budget, and work out exactly where the money is going, and where it needs to go....then you need to stick to it (easier said than done).

There are loads of tips and help on the debtfreewannabe and bankruptcy boards.

Good luck, and keep your chin up.

Big hugs x

pmduk

The dfw board has a useful SOA form to complete to find out what your position is currently. Be prepared to torture your spouse to find out the truth. (you may find it a useful retaliation after today's problems.)