Feeling low...

ladyelegance77

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this....but here goes. I'm feeling quite down and tearful, had a huge row with my ex before he left the house, we are trying to sell the house you see as we are splitting up and I hold my hands up and say I'm not a very neat person and I do let things go sometimes, I am better than I used to be but he has OCD and is very neat and after I cleaned the house today, he went back into the kitchen later on and cleaned a few things which irritated me to which he said "if you did it at the standard it should be done then I wouldn't have to, I wasn't going to tell you I was doing it but seeing as you saw me doing it I thought I'd tell you to your face." he told me as well that he thinks one of the main reasons why our house isn't selling is because it isn't clean enough that it's grubby. I've told him time and again if he wants it done a certain way to do it himself. Because of all the stress I'm under and the worry about my debt I was in tears for most of the argument because sometimes I get very emotional. He was a very controlling husband when we were together and I know he won't change for his girlfriend he's got. She has no job, no money and stopped seeing her friends when they got together(so did I) I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself and feeling like I can't do anything right, I've so much debt and I'm on a new DMP and I'm always worried, I also suffer with stress and anxiety and I'm skint till payday next week so can't even go out for retail therapy. All my friends are at work at the minute or busy, which is fair enough, we all have lives. I thought I'd vent on here, cause everyone here seems very lovely and helpful...

Thanks for listening......sorry for going on so long :P

sassyblue

Firstly well done on your new DMP. As for the ex sound like you are well rid, it's natural to be upset with all the upheaval you're facing but if he's worn you down aswell I'm not surprised you are in a state. Controllers like him make people feel like you cannot be without them - but you can and l bet when you're on your own all these insecurities disappear because HE is the cause.

My sister had to go through similar and she's come out the other side, I'm sure you will too. I would suggest getting out if only for a walk to clear your head. And yes, use us here to vent, this could be your support thread. Xx

HeadAboveWater

*hug*

Feel free to rant MSE is the best place for it!

It does sound like you're well rid! I would say your cleaning is more than sufficient, but seeing as he is OCD it'll likely never be good enough until he does it himself (so let him! )

I'm an emotional person too! I cry waaaay too much and let things get to me which shouldn't! I borrowed a book from the library recently and it really helped me:



I would definitely recommend it. Seems like you could do with a wee pick-me-up at the minute.

My fav quote is:

10% of life is made up of what happens to you
90% of life is decided by how you react to the 10%

Try to get out and about. You don't have to spend money. Go for a walk. Take a picnic or a flask with you.

Chin up and keep smiling

barbiedoll

Take the control back and stop arguing with him. If he wants the house spotless, he can do it himself. When he starts ranting, don't stand there and take it, just regain control and walk away. Or do what I do when in an argument, just say "I'm not going to argue with you because I know I'm right"....it makes my DH fume for ages when he hears that ! :rotfl:

Don't worry, the house will sell sooner or later and as for your debts, they can't kill you, it's only money. I know what it's like to have debts, we're on a DMP ourselves and it's very hard at first. But don't let him drag you down, as soon as the house is sold, he'll be gone from your life and you can start planning your new future!

Have a good cry today and then tell yourself that you're going to toughen up and crack on with sorting out your problems. You've made a very good start, now you just need to clear out the unnecessary dead wood (i.e. ex-hubby) from your life. You'll be fine, it's his new girlfriend I feel sorry for!

ladyelegance77

Thank you for your lovely replies. I did go out earlier didn't stay out long as the emotion has totally worn me out. I've told him countless times to do it himself but as always he has an excuse "I've got asthma" "we always agreed that you clean and I vaccum" and I know that when he isn't around I'm alright, he isn't a people person by his own admission, I've always been social(sort of) and I like texting friends and speaking to people and that, where he and his parents don't have friends and don't understand why you'd want friends. His parents are controlling people as well, what's funny is that his girlfriend and him have the exact same relationship me and him had, how's that gonna work? I feel sorry for her too sometimes, but at the same time she's more than welcome to him because I know it sounds crazy after being married to him for 13 years, he just isn't the type of guy for me. I just want everything to move ahead and get sorted, I like my time to myself and I like my friends. I think I'm gonna make tea soon, I took some pork loin steaks out the freezer last night, and do some onion rings and some veg with them. I know I'm not perfect but who is? I am strong enough to argue back with him and stand up for myself now but him being a controlling person he doesn't like that. I just feel tired from it all, am back at work tomorrow(I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off every week) but this week it's a bonus as I have Sunday off as holiday day, so yeah I'm trying to not let him drag me down, I'm glad he's gone to his parents to stay the night with his girlfriend as i just want to be left alone.

londonsurrey

Well, for a start, you've made him your ex. I'd say that was a BIG thing you did right! *hugs*

ladyelegance77

londonsurrey wrote: »

Well, for a start, you've made him your ex. I'd say that was a BIG thing you did right! *hugs*

*hugs back* Oh I am still proud of myself for that even to this day!!!

valk_scot

Sounds like you're doing the absolute right thing, yup. Be strong, this is the last lap, soon you'll be well out of it and I predict you'll absolutely blossom away from all the constant carping and criticism and controlling behaviour.

HeadAboveWater

I know I'm not perfect but who is? I am strong enough to argue back with him and stand up for myself now

System

When he starts ranting, don't stand there and take it, just regain control and walk away. Or do what I do when in an argument, just say "I'm not going to argue with you because I know I'm right"....

Your very polite. I just say bol***s and walk off.

Joons

Hang on in there, you're nearly free of him. If he's that bothered about the standard, pay for a cleaner! If you suffered him for 13 years just grit your teeth, you can do it. You clearly were not suited to each other.