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How old before a child can decide where they live??

:hello: Morning everyone

To cut a long story short, my brother and his wife divorced just over 2 years ago and since then his 2 x girls have lived with their mother and her new partner. However, the eldest girl (aged 9) has never really settled and is incredibly close to her nanna (my mother) and desperately wants to go and live with her. She happens to live in the same village as my ex-SIL.

My mother is quite prepared to have her move in if it is what the niece wants. My neice is constantly asking her nanna how old she has to be before she can decide herself, but we just dont know.

Can anyone help?

:confused:

Comments

  • Hapless_2
    Hapless_2 Posts: 2,619 Forumite
    If it was to go through the courts then they would note your nieces wishes but may not act on them. I *think* the age they usually take note of is 12. Obviously your ex SIL may not wish this and a nasty court battle involving social workers etc could ensue so things like child benefit etc could be transferred. I would suggest if this is what she really wants then your mother should see a family law solicitor.
    The "Bloodlust" Clique - Morally equal to all. Member 10
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  • louise_1981
    louise_1981 Posts: 1,118 Forumite
    there was a thread on here saying that the thoughts of a seven year old was taken into consideration.

    Personally if your niece is not happy, surely her mother would want what is best and allow here to live over the road / round the corner, with the your always welcome here if you want to move back in.

    I suppose it all depends on how her mother and father split, wether it was friendily enough. I think all parties involved need to sit down and talk seriously about the options.
    The sign of a wasted life is a tidy house, Welcome to the chaos!
  • scotty71
    scotty71 Posts: 26 Forumite
    thanks for your replies. I'll have a chat with my mother tonight, unfortunately things are a bit strained between my ex-SIL and the family due to her behaviour during the divorce/split. But hopefully it can be overcome in the interests of my nieces happiness.

    Thanks again :j
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 47,474 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I know this is a very obvious thing to say, but your niece does realise that 'living with grandma' all the time is likely to be very different to visiting grandma, however often you do that, doesn't she?

    and your mother realises that teenagers today are a different breed to what they were even a few years ago ... and it's not so far off ...

    Also there's the younger girl to think about: if it makes the older girl 'happy' but leaves the younger one upset and unsettled, what to do then?

    I'm not saying it's not the right thing to do, just that it's not at all a straightforward thing ...
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  • Night-Owl_5
    Night-Owl_5 Posts: 164 Forumite
    Agree with above, living somewhere full time and visiting are two different things.

    My sister is in a similar poition her daughters want to live with her full time and see dad less frequent (they have shared custody at the mo)

    My sister has spoken to exdh numerous times but he then asks the girls and basically twists what they say etc so they daren't upset him and agree to stay as they are.

    Also as they have shared custody he has half the child allowance (for one child), your ex SIL would lose that as well as her child, what about custody rights :confused: regardless of where she wanted to live her mother would still want to see her.

    You have my symphathy it's not nice seeing your neice's upset, hope you sort it out
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