Loaned money to my (now) ex - advice appreciated

Jenna

Hi,

I'm really hoping someone can give me some advice on a rather awkward situation...

I loaned £3500 to my (now) ex almost at the beginning of our relationship.

I realise now this was pretty naive I was 17 at the time and, well, you live and learn. I'd been brought up that you pay your debts in full, on time and to the penny - and made the mistake of assuming everyone else was wired the same way.

I ended the relationship about 18 months ago, having been together for the best part of a decade, with around £2800 still owing to me.

At the time of making the loan I got him to sign a loan 'agreement', which was signed and dated by both of us, and witnessed (by his father). However, I've since realised that since I was under 18 at the time, I probably wasn't able to enter into a contract - so maybe it's void? I don't have this paperwork to hand, but believe it's at my Mum's house ... I will be searching it out.

The original payment into his account was made by Bankers Draft.

Since we broke up he has said several times (in email and in Facebook messages) that he intends to pay me back, however, in reality he has only made a couple of £50 payments - and nothing since last June. The latest email I have confirming he intends to pay me back is only a couple of months old.

I don't doubt his intentions, just his ability to actually repay, he was always bad with money the whole time we were together, and I was often the one bailing him out. I'm not bothered about how much extra I spent on the joint bills/expenses (even though I earnt less than him), that's water under the bridge, but the money I lent him was in large part inheritance money from my Grandpa. I'm really upset that this was not respected and repaid, my Grandpa worked very hard for his money and passed away aged only 50 years, I hardly knew him as I was 5 when he passed on. I feel as though I am letting him down by having lent the money out, even though it was with the highest intentions of helping someone in need.

Since ending that old relationship I have met the love of my life, a truly wonderful man. He has said I should do as I think is best, however, his advice would be to try and get a CCJ on my ex to force him to repay via (e.g.) an Attachment of Earnings order. I think this could work well, as my ex - although poor with managing money - used to earn pretty well... if it could just be deducted before he had a chance to spend it 'accidentally'!!

I'm hoping for advice on:

1. Is a CCJ the right route to go?
and
2. Has anyone taken out a CCJ on someone, whether a friend or ex, and how has it gone? I don't wish to have any further contact with him, although I don't hate him or anything (I wish him a nice life), but I also want to just get on with my life ... I am in debt from his poor money management, if I had that money back I could repay my debt - or put it towards something else worthwhile, saving a house deposit perhaps, that my Grandpa would think well of me for

So sorry for the long rambling post been feeling really confused and upset about this whole issue.

I would really appreciate your thoughts... :A

[Deleted User]

I don't think this will be easy.

Agreement or no agreement, it's going to be asked why now? It's been such a long time ago, will the ex no argue that it's been settled during the 10 years you were together?

Emails and facebook messages, are they strict proof? I don't know?

You will need to take him to Court first, obviously you need to pay for that, do you have the money to pay for that?

Also you can't just take out a CCJ against someone, you have to take them to court first and you have to win before the court will give a judgement.

I would consider how much your legal costs will be, because if I were him I'd get a good lawyer and fight you as the chances are with good legal help your case and your home made agreement wouldn't stand up.

Water under the bridge may apply for you as well as him? I'd just move on, because in the end with a case like this you may have to face him in Court.

pc1271

It might be worth trying to get him to agree to a regular payment by standing order, but unfortunately the pragmatic thing to do is just to accept you'll not get your money back and move on.

It might be very frustrating (and I'd agree), but it will be nothing but hassle and grief constantly chasing him for it. Enjoy life with your new partner and forget the ex.

Jenna

Thanks both for your replies.

Assj, in reply to some specifics:

Agreement or no agreement, it's going to be asked why now? It's been such a long time ago, will the ex no argue that it's been settled during the 10 years you were together?
I don't think he would/could argue this as he has admitted he still owes me money since then. The money I lent him was always treated completely separately from our day-to-day bills, which we split 50/50.

Emails and facebook messages, are they strict proof? I don't know?
Nor do I ... was hoping to gain some insight here.

You will need to take him to Court first, obviously you need to pay for that, do you have the money to pay for that?
Yes - a quick Google search suggests the first paperwork is about £80.

I would consider how much your legal costs will be, because if I were him I'd get a good lawyer and fight you as the chances are with good legal help your case and your home made agreement wouldn't stand up.
OK, thanks... that's what I had feared!

ReadingTim

You also need to assess his ability to pay - he can't give you what he doesn't have! A CCJ and Attachment of Earnings will only have use if there are any earnings in the first place! Otherwise it's a hollow victory, and you'll have the hassle, stress and possibly cost of getting it in the first place.

Hard as it seems, sometimes it's better not to throw good money after bad...

iolanthe07

He will probably argue that any agreement made with a minor (you say you were 17 at the time) is unenforceable - and I think he may be right.

[Deleted User]

What period is stated, in the agreement, for repaying the loan?

debtcutter

Although I understand people telling you to just let it go, due to the fact that it's going to be tough to get the money back through the courts, there are plenty of other ways to approach this.

Obviously don't do anything silly, but you said in your first post that his Father witnessed the signing of the contract. Do you get on with his father? What type of person is he?

I can tell you know, if an ex of mine ever called my father and told him that I'd acted like this, I wouldn't be doing much before giving him £2,800 to give to her and I'm comfortably over 30 (though not by too much).

Have you thought about contacting him, to see if he could help?

BTW, it sounds like your other half is a sensible guy. Although it may be tempting for him to get involved, I'd guess that staying out of it will probably increase your chances of getting something back!

poppasmurf_bewdley

You loaned him the money in good faith and you deserve to have it paid back.

Get in touch with him and tell him if it's not settled within (state a period you are happy with) you will take him to court and also tell him if you win it will wreck his credit rating for six years (if it's not already wrecked).

It might just have the desired effect.

Jenna

Thanks all for your replies. Food for thought there!

In answer to the questions asked:

- To the best of my knowledge he is employed and earning good money, so I believe a CCJ with Attachment of Earnings Order would be effective if I could obtain it. Does anyone know if he then lost his job/resigned, but then started working again, does it kick back into effect at that point? Or do I have to start again?

- The repayment period stated is 4 years in set installments of around £80/month. We verbally agreed a payment holiday when he resigned from the job he hated (about 6 months after I lent him the money), however, when he was working again he was meant to start repaying again on that schedule. Never happened! -Probably averaged about £80/year instead... lol

Iolanthe, agreed about the under 18 bit. He hasn't signed anything since then, but has repeatedly acknowledged he owes me the money over the years since then... including since our break up, in emails etc. I guess I'd need to find out if this classes as any kind of enforceable proof ey - a visit to Citizens Advice, maybe?

DebtCutter, good point, about other ways than the Court. I always got on with his Father who used to claim I saved his life (I am a First Aider and gave him some treatment once). For the record, I didn't really do much, but he always thought well of me after that ... we even lived with his parents for a while... I always thought they were very decent sorts, his Father especially. Unfortunately I am not sure I could approach them with this - they are both pensioners with a poor financial position themselves (I had offered a few times to advise on bill cutting etc, at the time)... his Father had a quadruple bypass about 2 years ago... I don't know, I would feel uncomfortable adding any stress to their lives!! What do you think?
(And yes - my other half is very sensible indeed, honestly he is my best friend as well as partner *is very lucky*)

PoppaSmurf - thank you ... yes I was trying to do a good thing, to help someone I then cared about who was very depressed and stressed (verging on suicidal really) about money, and it's sad it didn't just get repaid as planned.

My concern about 'threatening' with a CCJ is that it gives him time to prepare for it, and gain advice on his options... my fear is that in that time, he'd find a way to defend against the CCJ, and probably then - being annoyed that I'd tried to threaten him - refuse to repay. His credit rating was wrecked in the past but who knows now - he probably needs it more now that I'm not there to bail him out.

Thanks all again :A I am thinking about what you all say and weighing the options, I just want my money back and to get on with my life...

[Deleted User]

Jenna wrote: »

My concern about 'threatening' with a CCJ is that it gives him time to prepare for it, and gain advice on his options.

He'd find out about it anyway, when the court served the summons on him.

A court can't grant a CCJ, without first giving the defendant the chance to put their defence.

Also, you can't instigate legal proceeding, without first sending a "letter before claim".