First time stay overnight with G/parents?

Juicy_Tube

Hi there,

Just wondered how old your LO was when he/she stayed over night with grandparents for the first time?

My parents keep making big hints to have my LO stay with them. He is just 15 months old. They live 4 hours away! So this would mean a whole weekend.

Obviously they only see him every 4 weeks or so due to distance and I think he is only just starting to 'get to know them' and remember them, if you know what I mean?

I don't feel comfortable about this due to the distance, but am I being unreasonable here?

My suggestion is that they come to our house and baby sit for the weekend sometime and we go away for the weekend-so baby is in his own environment and we are not too far away, in case there is a problem. Then we see how it goes.

Would appreciate some thoughts and advice and how to handle this.

TIA

JT x

funky-footprints

my dh's mother lives 4 hours away and there is no way i would let my son go and stay, its too far away. He is 6.

He has stayed at my folks (1 hour away) regularly since about 7 months old, as has my dd.

I know he would be fine, but the fact is when he goes to my folks, if he wants to come home we drive half way, only half an hour and we meet up. 1/2 an hour is no distance, my son knows the road, we pass landmarks that he recognises and the journey is pleasurable.


I dont think you are being unreasonable, i would agree let them babysit your son at your home, in his environment, and you go out.

BernadetteN

My children have never stayed overnight at their grandparents without us parents too but the grandparents once looked after our kids for several days whilst us parents were away. The grandparents live 7 hours away and only see the kids about 3 times a year. We only left the 2 eldest kids at the time and they were 6 and 8 years old. We took our then 2 year old with us as we did not feel grandparents with such little contact with their grandchildren would be capable of looking after any children younger than around 5 years old.

Even in your own situation, I would feel uncomfortable leaving such a young child. Perhaps you could start by staying at the grandparents together and leaving your son for an evening out where the grandparents have to put your son to bed and then build up from there. Your son will probably have many more years of his grandparents' company so I really can't see the rush if you are uncomfortable now, they can have your son in a few years time.

MissBehaving

My parents live in Wales and I live in Kent. We have nobody closer that we could let her stay over with. My OH parents live in South Africa.

My DD has been going to stay there for a week sometimes two weeks since she was about 14 months old. She is 4 now.
She goes down there every two months or so.

At first I felt that I was a terrible mum leaving my daughter for so long and what if I wasnt around if anything happened to her!!??!!

I have now come to realise that my parents did a pretty good job of bringing me up, and why would it be any different for their granddaughter?
DD absolutely loves staying there and I wouldnt want to take that away from her.

Also, DD is the only grandchild my parents will ever have, so I want them to be able to enjoy the time that they have left...

She starts school in September so will only be able to go down there in the school holidays.

And on the selfish side - my OH enjoy some quality time together.

Edit: why dont you try one night at a time. Go down with your OH for a weekend, and stay at a B&B / Travelodge for one night, leaving your son with them? See how you feel after that!

Fleago

My parents took my daughter to stay with them for weekends from when she was under 12 months old and they lived a considerable distance from us. Like MissBehaving, I thought that they had managed to bring up my brother and I, so looking after grandchildren would be no trouble for them.

They also had my brother's daughter to stay from a tender age as well. The girls both loved it and my parents were absolutely over the moon to have special times when they had their grandaughters all to themselves - it went some way to making up for them not seeing the girls as often.

I would go for it.

pboae

We stayed with my Gran from as young as I can remember, and my little brother was definitley just a babe at the time. Now my Mum has had my sister's children since they were tiny too, and now they are teenagers they still stay regularly, even though they are of an age when most of their adult relatives are boring and uncool.

On the other hand they rarely stay with my Dad, and for various reasons if I had kids i would never let them stay over night there, he it just too irresponsible. But I have absolute faith in my Mum's parenting.

Do you trust the grandparents enough?

If you do go for it, remember that you will miss your child far more than they miss you.

On a practical level, could you not go away for a weekend near them? I mean, you could all stay for a nightor two, then leave the LO for one night while you and OH had a night away somewhere not too far away? It might seem a bit of a weird thing to do, but if being nearer gives you the confidence to try it, then it might work.

Bunny

If you think your parents have managed to do a good job raising you for all those years, why wouldn't they be able to look after your child for a weekend?
Any disabilities or illnesses to worry about, if not, I wouldn't see a problem.
If (god forbid) anything did happen, I'm sure they'd know the appropriate action to take.

lizzie12_2

We were fortunate to being able to see our grandparents weekly from day one.I used to stay at grandparents houst an awful lot when a youngster ( used to sleep in one of grandads shirts as was adament on staying after a visit) Mum always said grandma loved it but would never push the issue but underneath keeping her fingers crossed.

As othere have mentioned, stay local for a couple of visits if you must but go for it......... you cant get this time back again........

Lillibet_2

My son is 21 months old & has never stayed away from our house, he has been looked after in our own home for 2 nights by my parents (who live about 1 1/2 hours away & see him once a month or so) but we think he is too young to go & stay at their house. My parents did say that they were exhausted after that weekend, I hate to think what state they'd be in in their own home with him as there is so much more scope for mischief there & he would need total eagle-eyed constant supervision 24 hours a day, at least here you can put him in his cot or even just his room & he is safe!
The most he has ever been looked after by someone else in another home is 4 hours by hubby's aunt, who we see all the time & he knows really well, and who's house is so minimal he can basically run riot without doing any damage whatsoever:D

I know some people like to give their child pleanty of time at grandma's house etc, personally I think our child is our responsibilty & we will make decisions in his best interest & not be pushed into making decisons based around him but in someone elses best interest. If someone wanted him to go & stay with them then, at the mo, we would say no. We think he has got to be able to easily communicate his needs to them & he can't do this yet.

HTH;)

purplepurple

My DD went up to the in-laws to stay on her own for the first time over Easter. She's 6 and stayed a week. She had a fantastic time, and my MIL said it was just the right age... she wasn't at all tempted to have DS who's 4!

liney

My son is nearly 3 and stays with my DH's parents over night probably 3 times a year, when there is a special occassion. They only live half an hour away, but most recently we went away for the night and were a 2 hour drive away from them. The first tome he stayed he was about 5 months old.

However he sees them weekly, and i would not expect him to stay with my father who he sees probably 6 times a year dispite the fact he lives about 4 miles away... but thats another story.