advice needed please can you help me??

thetaylorclan

Good evening, I hope I am posting in the right place.

I am a stay at home mum with three children aged 9, 6 and 5, and a husband who works full time.

I have no one I can talk to and can no longer keep this bottled up inside. please help if you can?

The long and short of it is that we are drowning in debt. 5 years ago this May we had a house repossessed and everything has been slowly snowballing ever since.
I totalled up our debt last week and it came to a staggering £66,000!!!
Wea re in receipt of housing benefit, council tax benefit, and child tax credits.
In December 2011 my husband had an operation on his right shoulder and time off work, then 8 months later he broke hi left collar bone and had time off work for which he did not get paid. We then had to move from where we were renting due to inability to claim housing benefit due to no actual contract in place (renting from a friend of my mother), in order to rent a house through an agent at the time we had to sell our car and get rid of the family dog as we could not take him with us.
Last month my husband was told by a hospital consultant that he needs an operation on his broken shoulder as it has not healed and is cutting into the tissue and skin but he cannot take the time off work as he will only get ssp due to having too much time off which got him kicked out of the company sick scheme. He is also having problems with the right shoulder again which will eventually mean another operation on that too.
We cannot afford to buy another car at all and are obviously making do.
Our debts are crazy and we cannot pay them, we are behind with utility bills and council tax.
We owe too much for a debt relief order, too much for debt management and we cannot find the money to file for Bankruptcy which is what we need to do. We have no credits in use and do not even have an overdraft.
£47,000 of our debt is for a loan that was secured against our repossessed house. There was a CCJ in place on my husbands wages for £40 a month but a few months ago, this stopped being paid and we have had no letters or anything about it.
I live in fear of bailiffs.
To add to my despair, I have only £70 to see my whole family through the next 14 days!
Over the past two months we have had to sell thing to get extra money to live on, such as a phone and a tv. We have nothing left to sell.
I have a history of severe depression and I know that I am going downhill fast again (which is so not what I need right now).
I feel degraded and downtrodden and I don't know where to turn. If it wasn't for my beautiful children I would seriously contemplate ending it all.
All I want is a fresh start, but sooner or later I can see my life falling apart.
I don't want to live like this any longer, I cant!

Mouse1812

You need to talk to someone, please call one of the debt charities in the morning.

Main recommended sources of help:

• StepChange Debt Charity - Website: StepChange Telephone: 0800 138 1111
• National Debtline - Website: National Debtline Telephone: 0808 808 4000

I can offer all sorts of advice, but nothing will be better than a chat with these guys. Hopefully tigerfeet and/or ifwisheswere... will pop along later to give you more pointers.

In the meantime start here

Try not to worry too much tonight, we can help.

sniggings

First step you have made is by coming on here, the next is to ring one of the helplines, such as CCCS, CAB or debtline, they will ring you back and talk thorough all your options, it's part of the BR process if that turns out to be for you, they really do help so ring tomorrow, I used CCCS, and make an appointment (they ring back in about a week or so).

The first bit of advice they give me, was to not pay ANY debts until I feed myself, paid rent and council tax and any court judgments, the rest had to wait, if after all of those were paid and I had some left (I didn't so they got nothing) was to pay a small token payment until I knew what I was going to do, this really helped take a lot of stress of me, it also gave me the spare money to save for the BR fees.

Give them a ring first thing.

thetaylorclan

was just reading about BR, I know it sounds crazy but can you stop paying your rent in order to pay for bankruptcy?

Just was unsure, even though I know how ridiculous it sounds as obviously I would not want to be evicted

sniggings

thetaylorclan wrote: »

was just reading about BR, I know it sounds crazy but can you stop paying your rent in order to pay for bankruptcy?

Just was unsure, even though I know how ridiculous it sounds as obviously I would not want to be evicted

not a good idea, I said to pay rent and council tax, food and any court judgments, you only pay those debts that help you live or keep you out of prison, not many debts can send you to prison, but council tax is one and not paying a court fine is another, so pay those and feed yourself and keep a roof over your head, all the rest can wait.

Mouse1812

You need to identify your priority debts - those (as sniggings suggests) which keep a roof over your head and food in your tummy come first. Everything else can wait.

Most of us have survived these pains, you are in a good place for support. Please make that telephone call in the morning and come back here with any questions.

aweebargain

My heart reaches out to you. I haven't been where you are but have been in a not so nice place too.
There is lots of practical help on ways to survive on very little on this site; it's fantastic. Hope you get the help you need. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My own stuff fades into insignificance when I read your.
I will be thinking of you and yours.

luvchocolate

As said please make the calls today to one or more of the debt charities, they will help you to a way through, believe me you will come through this with the help and support on here.
Maybe see your doctor before the depression gets too bad.
Read what you can to understand br if that is your chosen path you will be able to put this behind you, things will get better, take care x

dancingfairy

I would get a new basic bank account set up as soon as possible and get any salary/benefits paid into that. This means you will have control over whogets paid and when.
From this you should pay rent, council tax and food and essentials.
It might be worth doing an SOA so people can advise what needs to be paid (and what can wait).
I believe there is a sticky somewhere or list of charities that can help with bankruptcy fees.
Best of Luck getting things sorted.
df

moneymakestheworldgoround

Helloooo

I have been in a similar dark place and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Seriously. Stick with it please.

Pen and paper are your best tools here. Write down your priority bills and debts associated with them. Write down on a separate piece of paper the other debts. Work out what you can change at the moment to help - eg get new bank account as dancingfairy suggests etc...

What do you have in the cupboards at the moment? What do you need to fulfill in the next 14 days? Food? Heating? Petrol? etc...

You need an emergency plan for the next 14 days. You also need a plan on how to maintain the priority debts so the arrears dont increase. You also need to work out how to reduce the priority debts to keep the roof over your head and utilities connected. But these are all separate plans you can do one at a time.

When I was in my dark place, it all seemed too much. The best (and only way really) way was to take it one step at a time and in order of importance. The next 14 days are your immediate focus. When you know you can deal with this, you can have the confidence to tackle the rest.

I am happy to talk with you if you need a friend. PM me anytime and I will do my best

Dont drown in debt - it really isnt worth it. Get you and the kids in that crappy old dingy of hope and start rowing your heart out. You can do it and we are all here to give you a push at every corner and brick wall you face.

poledancer49

Hope the phonecall went well. Above advice is very sound and good.