How to keep a distance with people you work with

Mrs_Cullen

Hi I volunteer in a charity shop. I am a friendly person but this seems to attract people towards me, which is fine until they demand my time out of work, I'm on about other volunteers. How can I be friendly without them wanting to take over my socail life. For example I mentioned I like rock music next minute someone wants me to go to see a tribute band with them and I can stay at their house. I find myself not talking about stuff I like because someone will bring in the book or DVD or want to go to the cinema. I enjoy working their and don't want to leave. This isn't just 1 person it's 3. How do I deflect them I don't like to keep making excuses about being busy. Thanks

JodyBPM

Sound to me like they are just being friendly. Why would you not want to go with one of them to a concert, borrow a book/dvd or go to the cinema?

Stands like you are quite standoffish to me. Carry on the way you are, and they'll no doubt give up asking soon enough

SailorSam

I suppose one of the reasons people do voluntary work is when they have time on their hands and want to expand their social life, all you can do is say no thanks politely, you're busy at home.

tea_lover

Inviting someone to an event they might enjoy, or offering to lend them a book or DVD is hardly "demanding time"!

Metranil_Vavin

Is there any particular reason why you don't want to socialise with any of these people? They sound like a friendly bunch.
As another poster said above, they'll probably realise soon that you don't want to do anything out of work and stop bothering.

scooby088

Be as you're being now, invites should soon dry up.

Mrs_Cullen

Maybe it's me then but I find what happens when I accept an invitation or do lend the book it encourages them more. For example I drive they start to ask for lifts, I may say I'm not going out that evening then they ask me to babysit, don't get me wrong I like to help people out but sometimes I find people ask too much. Need to take an assertiveness course.

tea_lover

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Maybe it's me then but I find what happens when I accept an invitation or do lend the book it encourages them more. For example I drive they start to ask for lifts, I may say I'm not going out that evening then they ask me to babysit, don't get me wrong I like to help people out but sometimes I find people ask too much. Need to take an assertiveness course.

Well that (to me) is slightly different then. I can totally see why you wouldn't want people to start taking advantage, or just assuming that you're always going to be free/happy to help them out.

pigpen

Maybe they need to fill their time and think you might be as bored as they are when they are not volunteering there. You could say you are busy all the time with other committments or just keep politely declining they will get the hint eventually and think you are too 'stuck up' to go out or be friends with them and ignore you then you won't enjoy working there so much.

I wouldn't choose to stay over at someone elses house but it doesn't hurt to borrow a book or dvd or go to the cinema or for a coffee/lunch.

andygb

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Maybe it's me then but I find what happens when I accept an invitation or do lend the book it encourages them more. For example I drive they start to ask for lifts, I may say I'm not going out that evening then they ask me to babysit, don't get me wrong I like to help people out but sometimes I find people ask too much. Need to take an assertiveness course.

I think that your last point summed it up, you have to be definite and firm with people or they will take advantage - see you as an easy touch.

suki1001

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Maybe it's me then but I find what happens when I accept an invitation or do lend the book it encourages them more. For example I drive they start to ask for lifts, I may say I'm not going out that evening then they ask me to babysit, don't get me wrong I like to help people out but sometimes I find people ask too much. Need to take an assertiveness course.

You need to re-phrase your answers. "I'm afraid I'm busy that evening."
You don't need to expand "I've got some stuff to sort out." etc
"That's very kind of you but..."
Then you can start the old subliminal messages "I went to the petrol station the other day, the cost of petrol is so expensive..."
"I've just signed up to a new insurance policy that limits your miliage - makes it cheaper, so I'm trying to keep mine down etc, if it goes over it goes up by x amount."

That sort of thing.