student loans,bursery, single parent consessions???

Fire_Fox

I don't understand why you want the system to be flexible when you have two men in your life who are not being. Your household does have £47K coming in it is not simply on paper, your partner's choice to massively overpay is his own, it's not reasonable to expect the taxpayer to make up the shortfall.

Is your ex entitled to stop paying anything given you have one child still in full time education? If not chase him through the CSA, even if that take a while you will still get money eventually and it might be at a point where you really need it.

Secondly your partner should be looking to reduce his payments, perhaps a compromise between what he pays now and the CSA minimum. Or he might move out so you are a single parent again and no longer a household if he is not willing to commit to your blended family.

Presumably the ex is declaring the £750 or the daughter is if any is going to them, it may well be if she stops getting some of that they would be eligible for more benefits or student finance anyway, Support for Mortgage Interest say. Or perhaps she could downsize home?

Agree your 20 year old is underpaying given you would be struggling and given they are working, that amount won't cover an equal share of food and bills, without considering actual rent that they would pay in a shared house or that you could pull in if they moved out and you took in a lodger. Basically you are heavily subsiding yet another grown adult and then worrying how your 18 year old who is still a dependent can go to university.

I don't see the logic, but on the plus side it seems you have many ways of pulling more money into the household, it's far from the desperate situation it first appeared. It seems a little like you are surrounded by people who want to keep their money to themselves instead of living as a blended family/ extended household.

Joolee

yes my 20 yr old could well pay more than she is doing currently.
yes i could go to the CSA about my ex not paying - he was doing until july last year when he was off work for a few months due to a family bereavement. as he is self employed im told it would take a while and as she finishes her a levels shortly there seems little point in causing further family fueds (which is what will happen on many levels)
I doubt my partners ex will be declaring any payment from him - as with a lot of things these payments dont seem to need to be taken into account.
finally id rather my partner come to a decision of discussing reducing his payments on his own terms and not as a result of pressure from me. in the meantime we will just get further into debt until the penny drops that i cant continue to shave our outgoings so that others live a life of luxury!
finally i dont think i felt the tax payer should subsidise my child i just think it seems unfair that maintenance doesnt get taken into account whether its received or given.
i dont think i said it was "desperate" just frustrating.

dizzyrascal

Maintenance cannot be counted as income because it is by it's very nature, not something that can be relied upon. (As you yourself have found out)
You cannot use maintenance payments as income to obtain credit (for instance).
I have also not had any money off my (at the time) wealthy ex so I understand where you are coming from but it won't help moaning about it.
I doubt that you partner's ex is living in luxury but you should at least be grateful that you are with someone who sticks by an agreement to pay the mortgage. Presumably if he stopped paying, she would lose her home. Also, she does not have to declare the income.
Bottom line is your ex is still the problem and your partner is doing the decent thing. I'm not sure why her financial arrangement should change just because your ex won't pay.

Joolee

yes i am moaning and it changes nothing i know
yes my ex should pay - no arguments there and as you say its not reliable - it was a mutual agreement which he honoured for almost 10 yrs then just stopped - i knew it would not go on forever as he was paying 500/month for 2 children but my eldest had already left esducation well before he stopped. anyway 500 is a massive drop with no warning or time to prepare!
i think my partner is doing the decent thing and i stand by that every time - its the amout which is difficult to justify.
the mortgage is apprx £250/month with approx 5 yrs left, the 20 yr old is managing well on his student loan and lives in at uni and the 18 yr old is gonig to be going in september too. all things considered i dont see a review of finances changing anytime soon
im sure some ex wifes would see that as a luxury......

Fire_Fox

Joolee wrote: »

yes my 20 yr old could well pay more than she is doing currently.
yes i could go to the CSA about my ex not paying - he was doing until july last year when he was off work for a few months due to a family bereavement. as he is self employed im told it would take a while and as she finishes her a levels shortly there seems little point in causing further family fueds (which is what will happen on many levels)
I doubt my partners ex will be declaring any payment from him - as with a lot of things these payments dont seem to need to be taken into account.
finally id rather my partner come to a decision of discussing reducing his payments on his own terms and not as a result of pressure from me. in the meantime we will just get further into debt until the penny drops that i cant continue to shave our outgoings so that others live a life of luxury!
finally i dont think i felt the tax payer should subsidise my child i just think it seems unfair that maintenance doesnt get taken into account whether its received or given.
i dont think i said it was "desperate" just frustrating.

What you are expecting IS the taxpayer to stump up so that you can avoid family feuds and your ex can wriggle out of paying. If maintenance was taken into consideration surely it would be the statutory amount not the massive overpayment that your partner is CHOOSING to make to the detriment of your family life together?

Any agreement will be backdated so it doesn't matter things will take a while, you will still get the money eventually. Sorry but I think you are very fortunate to have so many options, many families are truly on the breadline and don't have any way of reducing voluntary outgoings or increasing income by making relatives pay their way.

Please stop whinging about the ex wife, it really does not put you in a good light. It's nonsensical to make out your partner is an angel for overpaying so much and yet his ex is a witch for accepting that same money. There is fault on many sides here it doesn't sound black and white at all.

Joolee

point taken!
as for maintenance from my ex - doesnt his responsibility end after a levels?