Struggling mentally with what to do post bankruptcy

moneymakestheworldgoround

Hello

This is going to sound really stupid but my head is in a fog. I am not sure whether to post here, debt free wanabee or savings forum but since most of us on here are or have been bankrupt, it felt safer to post here

I went bankrupt in December after becoming a single mum to several kids, one of whom is disabled and me then having to stop working to look after them full time. Now dont get me wrong, I would love to say this was for reasons out of my control but in all honesty, I am crap. Crap with money, crap with opening letters, crap with talking to people on the phone, crap with budgeting, crap with everything. So I am 100% responsible for this mess but the home situation kind of forced my hand as such.

So now I am bankrupt and claiming benefits. I am in a fortunate position of not having an IPA due to all income being from benefits, and to be totally honest I have more coming in than going out. I have offered a voluntary IPA but the OR laughed at me. Literally.

So now I have faffed for a few months, I think it is time to pull my socks up and face the music. I need to sort myself out and I am not sure how. I assume I cannot invest in any saving accounts/ premium bonds/ISAs etc whilst bankrupt so I have been trying to save some emergency fund at home but I keep dipping into it :mad: I wanted to save but I am not sure what I am saving for - I will never have enough to buy a property outright and dont want a mortgage. I have intended to save for Disneyland trip but to be honest that seems a little pretentious for a bankruptee.

I just feel a little lost. I have spent so long without money and to now have it spare is really hard! I have bought a few things for the kids in the last 8 weeks because they found it hard during the last year, but I can see them demanding things now
so I am turning them into spoilt brats!

I did consider giving to charity, specifically ones who help others with bankruptcy fees, and although I cant give a lot it might make me feel a bit more focused. I am just scared the crapness is still there under the surface and I will end up being just as crap at everything I touch!

Or am I being silly? Anyone else struggling with the extra income going bankrupt can give you?

Or just that whole feeling its 'over' as such? No more payments to debtors, or worrying about bills, making spreadsheets, avoiding the knocks at the door? I am feeling baffled by the whole thing and cant get my head round it all. One day its 100% time consuming, the next day you get made bankrupt and thats it.

Why isnt there a manual about how to live your life again ? :rotfl:

kepar

Take advantage of your extra money and put away for a rainy day.
You never know when the next big hurdle is going to come knocking. If you have an account with the CO-OP they will probably let you open an ISA with them . The interest rate is poor but at least it is a vehicle to start saving.

National_Debtline

Hello there,

You can find some very good information regarding investments etc via The Money Advice Service website:

https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/

On a more practical note, we often have clients that find the bankruptcy process very quick and straightforward. There are plenty of others that have the same 'is that it?' feelings as you.

It's worth keeping a personal budget going, this should help you stick to reasonable amounts of housekeeping, clothing and bills etc. We have a very good one on our website:

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/debt_advice.php#5

Best wishes,

David.

moneymakestheworldgoround

Hi Kepar,

Thanks for the reply. Can you technically have an ISA before discharge? I assumed you cannot build any assets for the next 12 months otherwise it is payable to the OR?

David - thank you for the advice. I feel silly saying it out loud, but I have spent as long as I can remember feeling stressed, frazzled with figures, writing and rewriting and tweaking monthly budgets, not sleeping properly, becoming a hermit with the curtains pulled and the phone unplugged, dreading the knocking of the door and the brown envelopes from the postman, lying to family and friends about my debts, saying no to anything and everything that cost money, feeling like the only option was to do a Reggie Perrin or win the lottery, living with guilt and embarrassment and the feeling of failure and doom............ to have the cause of all that taken away in an hour or so is just the strangest feeling ever.

But the emotional side hasnt gone - I have all this stress, nervous energy and highly strung nerves and nowhere to channel it.

I assume it will subside over the next 12 months, or other life problems may crop up and need my focus.

I just have that same helpless feeling I had when I took my first child home - where's the manual?

Thanks for the replies- really appreciate that and I will have a look at the website.

Pennywise2012

I understand where you're coming from. My bankruptcy was precipitated by a breakup/mortgage/negative equity thing, but if I'm brutally honest I was terrible with money as well.

I might be putting words in your mouth here, but do you think it might be a confidence thing? You seem to have labelled yourself forever as 'crap with dealing with things', so do you maybe want savings/an ISA because that's the kind of thing that 'good with money' people do? If so, fixing your confidence in dealing with stuff may help you to get rid of this feeling of 'what now'.

The advantage of bankruptcy is that you get to start again with a clean slate. So yes, you still have to ring people up and sort things out (particularly when dealing with benefit-related stuff, that go belly-up on a disturbingly regular basis), but now you're not ringing up from a 'begging, I cant pay, please agree to something' way, just a 'this is incorrect, please sort it out' way.

If you have money left over, then you're clearly managing your budget very well, so bankruptcy has fixed that area of crapness! As far as the excess money goes, could you make a separate 'invest in nice things' budget with that, so you're still treating yourself and your kids, but without the feeling of spending spinning out of control? Maybe redecorate the kids rooms, that type of thing? And then in December, when you're discharged, you could divert some or all of that money to a savings account. Saving before discharge could be problematic, and I know it's a bit tight saying 'don't give it to charity', but if you can use it to get more confident with managing money than I think you should do that instead.

I might be totally off the mark with all this :rotfl: but personally, I've found that if I plan every penny of spending in advance, I'm OK and feel in control, but if I don't, it just evaporates or something! Hope this helps xx

moneymakestheworldgoround

Hi Pennywise,

Thanks for the reply.

Yes it is probably lack of confidence I have had the 'comfort' of being broke to avoid doing anything other than sulk indoors and try and sort out the chaos. Now I feel all those layers have been stripped back and I am left with the raw, angry, embarrassed me with no smoke and mirrors to hide behind.

Everything I do now is up to me and my budgeting skills and money management. No ex husbands, kids, student days or career set backs to blame now. I have to take control now and be proactive rather than the reactive position I have had for sooo long. And maybe I am just scared and frightened to face up to the flaws I have and the skills I need to learn. Wow. Thats painful saying that out loud !

I think on reflection donating to charity might be me deflecting the learning curve I need to take. If I give away cash each money, I can go back to being broke and unable to do anything different and in a way thats easier !!

I am ashamed to admit that my new 'income' of benefits is well, generous. My budget includes entertainment, savings, pocket money, school trips... all the things we havent had for so long. And I still have money left over.

Maybe its guilt that I have more on benefits than if I was working, but thats a whole new topic !!

I will spend the weekend looking at the budgeting tools online and make sure my existing budget has everything included. Then maybe have a soul searching session about what went wrong, why it went wrong and how I can prevent it in the future.

A weekend on MSE for me !!!

worked_hard_for_the_money

Hi Moneymakestheworlgoround,

When I was in Asda the other day a woman in front of me was putting money on an Asda Card ( it wasn't a credit card ) .. I asked the woman behind the Kiosk counter what she was doing and she told me a lot of folk save their extra money towards Xmas etc ... Maybe a good idea to look into it - I'm sure the other big Supermarkets will do something similar. That way you won't be panicking with a massive food, clothes and present bill.

SalemD

Hi.

I am also wondering what to do post bankruptcy.

Debt-free, living on benefits. I am not sure what to do.

Most of my adult life, I was in debt, just struggling to cope.

Don't want that to happen again.

kepar

i Kepar,

Thanks for the reply. Can you technically have an ISA before discharge? I assumed you cannot build any assets for the next 12 months otherwise it is payable to the OR?

Because we were on the old IPA system , we managed to save about £1500 in an ISA during our br year.

Now where do you save your holiday money, car repair money and any other allowance you pay yearly. By putting in an ISA you are separating it away from your day to day money, or do as some get an other current account.

MikeJO

Have to say mmtwgr (if I can call you that) that far from being "crap" you come across as an honest, compassionate, grounded, intelligent and articulate woman.
You just now need to tap into a bit of confidence that hopefully this new start will potentially give you. It's great to be able to answer the phone, open letters (and even the front door) without fear....just start doing it and it becomes second nature, honest!

PS....loved this bit, remember it so well!

moneymakestheworldgoround wrote: »

I just have that same helpless feeling I had when I took my first child home - where's the manual?

mumofronnienreggie

I know this was posted a while ago but i couldnt respond at the time as was on my phone but i have re-read this post over and over as you sound so like me. I wasnt crap with money particulalry but sadly was in a bad relationship with a bad man and this is where my debt comes from and I am soon to do the BR. I am just in the process of setting up my last benefits and so wont be subject to an IPA with all income being from them. But I feel so similar to you. I had years where many weeks i struggled to put food on the table let alone pay bills due to his fags and booze being more important and when I got out and was finally able ( after not being 'allowed) to apply for the relevent DLA etc for my eldest who is on the autistic spectrum, I am now over whelmed with the income that I have coming in. Also having been brought up with such a strong work ethic, I am really struggling with the fact that i am being 'given' this money, although looking after eldest is knackering and harder than any job i have ever done .... but i think having gone through the worst couple of years, being frightened for a lot of years, skint beyond belief but always working and with a career ... i now am single, no career ( it feels this way although realise it only needs to be on hold) , money coming in ( and it is a healthy amount) that I really struggle to 'take' .... i almost feel like i have been smacked up side the head. I have been very 'numb' for a long time, on auto pilot, and i think this is starting to wear off, bit like waking up after a long night mare but when i wake up i dont know who i am or where i am or where i am going or what i supposed to be doing .. just feel utterly lost if i am honest, and empty :-/

just wanted to say thankyou for sharing... its the first post i have seen on here like this ( and i lurked for a good while before getting brave enough to post) ... i think you were very brave for sharing and thankyou for making me feel not quite so abnormal as i did . xxx