problems with ex

wilky26

Hi, just after a little advice.
My parnter pays child maintenance via csa for two children with his ex partner.
His ex partner drops the the children off with us each week and then we drop them back off at the end of their stay with us. This way its fair and each parent does a drop off.
We are now having problems as my partners ex no longer wants to do any of the drop off, so its all on us. Where do we stand with this?
Thanks

DUTR

The usual is the wanting parent picks up and the other collects, but it seems you have a long petty battle ahead.

wilky26

Thats what we have been doing but now she doesnt want to do any. Is there nothing we can do about this then?

DUTR

wilky26 wrote: »

Thats what we have been doing but now she doesnt want to do any. Is there nothing we can do about this then?

Not really, other than pick up the child(ren) and keep them until the PWC collects, but as mentioned earlier, things can get ugly with these power struggle battles.

wilky26

Thats what we were thinking that thing could get messy and thats the last thing we want. We are stuck then as I work shifts and may be working on the days when the children come to ours and again on the days they leave and I have the car so my partner will have no transport to pick them up or drop off.
Thats why we share it as its easier for us to find an alternative way of droping then back off for one of the trips but not for both.

duchy

DUTR wrote: »

The usual is the wanting parent picks up and the other collects, but it seems you have a long petty battle ahead.

Not in my experience ............ most people I know the NRP picks up and collects -especially if the NRP is any distance as usually the NRP has chosen to live further away.

I don't think there is a "usual" just what can be worked out between the parents. Has the PWC given a reason why they won't do it anymore ?

wilky26

Shes just trying to make things difficult as my parnter and herself had a few chosen word with each other a week ago as we were ment to have the children but she decided other wise and wouldnt tell my partner where they were or who they were with. And they had a argument over this and she told my partner that she will start to make things difficult for us, and that she is doing.

clearingout

call her bluff? not necessarily the solution but might be - depends on how well you know her. I know I value my time without the children and would do anything not to rock the boat with my ex so that he withdraws from seeing them (he disappeared for 15 months at one point) so I get my free time! Your partner could tell the truth - that work patterns make it difficult and then say that if she wont' help out at least one way, he will struggle to see the children.

He might have to be prepared to see it through - and there's a danger in that it's him stopping contact if he eventually ends up in court but if he knows her well and freetime is important to her, it might be a calculated risk?

wilky26

Clearingout- free time is important to her but think she would just find alternative people to have the children rather than back down. Shes quite stubborn that way. It just feels likw no matter what she does we have to agree to it as we dont have a leg to stand on, everything is in her favor.

duchy

wilky26 wrote: »

Shes just trying to make things difficult as my parnter and herself had a few chosen word with each other a week ago as we were ment to have the children but she decided other wise and wouldnt tell my partner where they were or who they were with. And they had a argument over this and she told my partner that she will start to make things difficult for us, and that she is doing.

If it was something like a birthday party or special treat outing and your boyfriend got annoyed perhaps (I'm playing devil's advocate here) she felt access if supposed to be what is best for the children not what suits the NRP . I know I used to have to shift stuff around for my ex and sometimes felt it was all about us fitting in with him all the time and there was no acknowledgement that HE got to chop and change and do all the fun stuff whilst I was doing all the more mundane stuff - nagging about homework, cooking, cleaning , running around etc and then to add insult to injury the rare times I made plans for me either our son got a special invite or my ex had something HE wanted to do and not only did I have to smooth my ex's ruffled feather but I also had to accomadate a change ....and never any appreciation that I was the one making it work.
In the end I dug my heels in and told him last moment changes weren't acceptable unless genuine emergencies but in return if our son had stuff that he wanted to do that meant changing days I'd give him lots of notice too.
Once we'd built in "contingency" and everyone knew where they stood and there was more consideration on all sides it got easier and less feeling "put upon" when changes needed to be made. As kids get older there are more changes as they want to do other things too so setting up a bit of co-operative flexibility early actually makes the whole thing easier on everyone instead of having things set in stone which can cause resentment whether it's a birthday party or your anniversary !!

FBaby

How far away is it? Who moved away? How long ago? If she is the one who moved away, then she is has some cheek. If it is your partner though and travel is more than an hour each way, then I can see how an argument would end up with her position.

I'm the pwc, I moved 1/2 hour away, my ex made it clear that all transport each week was my problem. So for the past 3 years, I have taken them and picked them up. They now go on public transport, but I pay for it all, despite him not giving me a penny in maintenance....all this for peace and quiet and stability of the the children. Only saying this to show that the 'unfairness' can be on both sides, because one cares more about the welfare of the children then the other parent.