The Rambler Returns - JCD's debt free diary v2

JCD_Capulet

Hi peeps :hello:

Not much to report here. I've been on an up-down-up-down-down-down spin. Had a lovely few days with my bf then just as he was leaving today he accidentally pinched my arm, I had a massive grumble and the lovely mood of those past few days seemed to just 'pop' and he left looking glum, and me..... feel like sh*t again.


I'm going to call the local mental health team tomorrow, I really can't keep going on like this.


Anyhoo. I've not been working much, had a couple of jobs here and there but I'm miles off my monthly targets.

Little things which have been making me smile are that bf customized the kitchen clock and a large photo frame in the bedroom, putting his initial, a heart with arrow and my initials in the center :heart2: He also helped me make modifications to the wardrobe to better store my work things :heart2: - I do wish my head wouldn't get so messed up sometimes.

Another little thing that makes me smile is coupon clipping. Silly, I know but it does. I spotted last night that te*co has dishwasher tablets on offer usual price £8.20 per box of 26 or three for £10! I don't have a dishwasher but bf's mum does, so I searched online and found a £1 off coupon and snapped up that bargain for her at £9. I hope it helps.

Whilst we were in te*co at silly o'clock at night I took my other coupons from super savvy and purchased this lot for a total of £3.65.



It's nothing to swing from the rooftops shouting about but it's funny how I feel I've achieved something by saving money on necessities. Don't mind the goldfish, he's a nosy parker.

xx

Keep at it DFWs, I believe in you x

JCD_Capulet

Hi everyone :hello:

This update isn't MSE related but I thought I'd put it down in my diary anyway for any lurkers who may be in a similar situation but not yet feel ready to take that first step.

Well, as I've said a few times in the past I needed to seek help for my head. I get anxious, paranoid, suffer low self esteem, insomnia, poor eating habits (if I remember or care to eat at all) and often I couldn't give a rats a*se about my appearance.

Anyway. In February I went to the doctor to ask for help because I was having flashbacks to unpleasant things which happened whilst I was growing up. The doctor was new to me and with the usual Dr Surgery restrictions she couldn't afford me enough time to discuss it so gave me a leaflet for a mental health and counseling group and told me to contact them. I did and made an appointment to speak to someone, but they called and cancelled the appointment a few days later as the person I'd be seeing had called in sick for the week.

Typical me, I didn't call back and didn't make another appointment.

On Friday I told my boyfriend I was having a bad case of the blues and that I'd gotten off my backside and made another appointment with the mental health group - but they couldn't see me until the 21st April. I mentioned to my boyfriend that I couldn't wait that long, that I'd snap. Yep that got him worried which I felt awful about but I told him I was in no way thinking about hurting myself or anything like that, I was just having an episode where I NEEDED help now, not in three weeks time.

So I rang NHS 24 and was called back by a mental health nurse. The lovely chap was absolutely wonderful. After talking for what felt like forever and putting me through a test to gauge my condition he told me I was to call a doctor on Monday and demand to be seen by someone, be listened to and to be given a mental health assessment.

Yesterday me, boyfriend and two friends all went to a big footy game but I stayed off the falling-down-water because I wanted to be up early on Monday to call the doc. Brill night but our team lost.... boooo!

Anyhoo (sorry! ramble ramble) I got through to the doctors at about 2pm after trying for four hours and was told that there are no appointments this week because some doctors are on holiday. If I wanted an appointment I'd have to call back at 8pm each morning to try grabbing anything which became free. I said ok and hung up. At that point I'd usually go 'ahh forget it, I'll deal with this on my own' but today something said that I wasn't going to settle for 'try again tomorrow', today I said no.

I did some googling and found an NHS number for assistance to see if they could point me to somewhere else to be assessed, I knew I just couldn't wait any longer. I told the lady my predicament and she told me to call back and ask for a telephone consultation, and if they try to say no tell them exactly what it's for and that i've spoken to them. They agreed I had t be seen today. This made me a little more panicky, but I knew it was true.

Outcome of this long winded rabble is that I did get to see a doctor today and she gave me all the time I needed to ramble on. Thanks to her listening and talking to me, taking me seriously (unlike the doctor I went to in the '00s who told me 'just do what makes you happy'.) and being patient with me I am now on an interim medication to see me through my first few counseling sessions. Once I've done those I've to go back to her to see how I'm getting on with it and to see where we go from there with my treatment.

Today it feels like a weight has been lifted, like I can let go of the shame I felt about feeling like this.

Here's to better times :heart2:



Keep going DFWs, as ever - I believe in you x

scubaangel

Well done, takes alot of strength to admit you need the help and then have fought the NHS's impressive set of stalling tactics.

Hope that now the weight has lifted it bloomin well stays that way with the help of the counselling and interim meds.

JCD_Capulet

Pleased to say I finally became completely debt free in February 2014. Since then I've been though the highs and lows of being on medication for the depression, but made it out the other side and have been off medication since August 2014. I also gave up a relationship which wasn't working, moved home - twice, and am now more settled in my new (rented) home living with my partner of a year.

So much has gone on, time has flown! Now I'm looking to start a savings diary. Both my partner and I are self employed and I have grand plans for the future. First thing on that list is saving a deposit for a mortgage.... at the start of my original DFW diary in 2007 this was just a dream.

Does anyone know if I'll be allowed to continue this diary with savings progress, or would I need to move to another board for that? xx