please help im in serious debt!!!!

eyeopener2

sisbod wrote: »

I know that you are not keen on getting benefits but I have never understood why it is so important for people to feel sad about it. IMO you are being paid to be a parent and you hadn't chosen to be single. Enjoy your kids and work as best as you can but DON'T feel guilty for doing it - you will make up for it in the future,

x

Absolutely!

angelaf_3

You may want to check if you have a Christians against poverty debt centre near you. They give free debt counselling and lots of other support too. You don't have to be a Christian to get help. The Christian bit is why they do it.

Good luck

angelaf_3

With whatever you choose to do it is not easy being in your situation but looks like you are doing a brilliant job seeking help and everything.

hereigoagain22

Ahh, just wrote a long reply and accidentally hit back and lost it.

You need to re-check your benefits - are you working over 16hours a week? I work 17.5hours, earn similar to you and get around £900 between work/child tax credits and child benefit (2kids)I live with my Mum but if I had my own place I'd qualify for full housing benefit and full Council Tax benefit (housing benefit is capped to a certain level depending on area). Google for the Turn2Us calculator.

Food shopping - I feed the 3 of us and often my Mum too for £45 a week but this includes stuff it shouldn't - treats and drinks etc. I could comfortably cut it down to £35 a week. You need to meal plan, write a list and stick to it. We don't eat anything fancy but we do manage to eat fairly healthily - we usually cycle through spag bol, casseroles, roast, tomato pasta dishes etc. If I made everything from scratch I could cut further but I understand with being a single Mum of 2 kids it's blooming hard!

Thrifty_Pixie

bustiblondilocks wrote: »

wow, thank you all for the overwhelmingly kind responses! (its a shame that some see this thread to have a dig at other people though...please go elsewhere! i want genuine help, i get plenty of fighting at home!)

Well, I am claiming housing benefit but due to my earnings it doesnt cover it all.

i wish id not let my ex bully me into signing us up to so much debt in the first place! Anyway...............

Yes the gym will go! seems a no-brainer on reflection!

I have set myself a budget of £35 a week for food shopping and will definately down shift from brands to supermarkets own and will only go shopping if i absolutely need to!!

i agree that being a less stressed mummy will make me a better mummy...id lost sight of that! thank you x

As for the ex paying for the children? not a chance! he still thinks that he has full control over the money as well as me...but thats another story!
What i get from him for the children is via the CSA and to him that its too much! He really begrudges it!
I will look into dropping the clubs too but they are afterschool and gives me an extra hour a day at work....but yep you guessed ts costing more than im earning in that hour!

Thank you all so much! i am much more positive today and am looking forward to clearing my debt!

you could check out sparkpeople.com for help with your diet and exercise. it's a wonderful website with oodles of recipes, exercises, dietary info and such. once you've opened an account (free) you can use their calorie counter, blog, exercise trackers, weight tracker, the works. there are a LOT of people on there who have lost a LOT of weight and they're all really supportive and inspirational. (and no i'm not affiliated with them, but am a long-time member myself).

i would say cancel your kids' extra lessons and clubs and spend time with them doing things instead. if your ex complains then let him pay for them. simples.

bustiblondilocks

thank you all so much!!!

My benefits are smaller than they should be due to a mix up with my tax and changing jobs...all very complicated...but in a nutshell, tax credits didnt update my details when ex left, then still had me working full time when i dropped hours and claiming nursery fees when youngest started school which led to overpayments, so benefits low as they are claiming it back now!
My gross wage is figure used for benefits too as well as tax credits. due to tax office having me down as working two jobs then aparantly giving me a rebate of whole years tax in one hit im now left paying 2 years tax in 1 year so my take home is much less than otherwise would be.
hopefully the next tax year may even its self out but im scared it wont and that ill spiral deeper!!
(im beginning to think the ex set me up for a huge fall....not being in control of my finances i had no idea about any of this until he left!)

maintenance....hes not stupid! he left to be with his 'other woman' she is in a management position, well paid and basically keeps him, they have nice house, car each etc! he now works at a full time minimum wage job and as a result he doesnt have to pay as much to the children, he also has them overnigh twice a week to keep his payments down but i send packups of food and clothing with them as he claims he cant afford to provide any more for them. I would so love to be able to say to him to kep the money....and as soon as im out of debt, so im not paying out on debt repayments... that money, im hoping will go into a trust fund for them, after all it is their money.
i guess thats why im paying for clubs as its out of csa money. i feel so bad!!!!

Thrifty_Pixie

bustiblondilocks wrote: »

thank you all so much!!!

My benefits are smaller than they should be due to a mix up with my tax and changing jobs...all very complicated...but in a nutshell, tax credits didnt update my details when ex left, then still had me working full time when i dropped hours and claiming nursery fees when youngest started school which led to overpayments, so benefits low as they are claiming it back now!
My gross wage is figure used for benefits too as well as tax credits. due to tax office having me down as working two jobs then aparantly giving me a rebate of whole years tax in one hit im now left paying 2 years tax in 1 year so my take home is much less than otherwise would be.
hopefully the next tax year may even its self out but im scared it wont and that ill spiral deeper!!
(im beginning to think the ex set me up for a huge fall....not being in control of my finances i had no idea about any of this until he left!)

maintenance....hes not stupid! he left to be with his 'other woman' she is in a management position, well paid and basically keeps him, they have nice house, car each etc! he now works at a full time minimum wage job and as a result he doesnt have to pay as much to the children, he also has them overnigh twice a week to keep his payments down but i send packups of food and clothing with them as he claims he cant afford to provide any more for them. I would so love to be able to say to him to kep the money....and as soon as im out of debt, so im not paying out on debt repayments... that money, im hoping will go into a trust fund for them, after all it is their money.
i guess thats why im paying for clubs as its out of csa money. i feel so bad!!!!

THIS is why he should be providing food for them. the reason his payments are less is because it takes into consideration that he's supposedly feeding them twice a week when he cares for them. you need to tell him this and stop sending food on his days, seriously. until you stand up to him he'll always control you. if he whines, send him to the CSA to see how much sympathy they give him. he's not your partner anymore, so you don't have to put up with his attitude. man i'm so angry for you :mad: