Dumped and alone

thisisntmyname

What the title says really. We were together my entire adult life, fourteen years, and last night he told me he is leaving. No reason in particular, just that he's not happy with his life anymore. Things haven't been fantastic lately but I thought they were getting better - he's just found a new job after being unemployed and we started a little business together too. I just don't know what to do. He was everything to me, my best friend, and it feels like a bereavement. I don't really have any close friends or family that I feel I can talk to about it. I'm terrified at the thought of having to start my life all over again but mainly I just miss him so much. He said it's nothing I've done wrong but I feel so hurt that it doesn't even seem worth the effort to try and work things out. I don't see how leaving me is the answer if our relationship isn't the problem. But I can't force him to stay in a relationship he doesn't want to be in. I'm worried about him as well, as he's been drinking a lot lately and I think he's depressed but he said he's not. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I just don't think I can cope with this.

BitterAndTwisted

You can cope with this. You can and you will. Many, many of us have been through similar experiences and it is possible to come out the other end happy and whole. It just doesn't feel like that to you at the moment and it's perfectly understandable.

joeblack066

It will feel like a bereavement hun, because that's what it is. Your grief for your relationship is very real, and I can understand how dark things feel right now. But you WILL get through this. Don't be hard on yourself, allow yourself to cry, to weep, but also as time moves on allow yoyrself to be happy too. Don't forget that Relate will sed people singly after the end of a relationship, they were marvellous for me when my ex DH ran off with my friend and left me with 3 small children. That was nearly 20 years ago now, and I'm still here, better and happier than ever!

pollypenny

Oh, you poor thing.

No practical advice, but great sympathy.

Pol xx

edeneve

Aw hun big hugs, its a hard thing to deal with but it will get better, it will not seem so right now as you are grieving the death of the relationship and losing the man you loved. Its nothing you have done these things just happen as if people just outgrow each other or change.

His drinking and depression could have been due from the stress of knowing how he felt and being scared of telling you...so it must have taken a lot for him to be truthful, its better to know so you can both move on than live a lie.

I know how it feels, the love of my life, my ex husband (well thought he was) cheated on me and got at least two other women pregnant, found out just after we married. Its a few years later he's shacked up with someone else just had a baby and I'm single again, still love him but know its who I thought he was I love and that person doesnt exist.

Grieve, cry, talk about how you feel and slowly accept it, don't try to fight you'll just hurt yourself. Your stilll young and life still has a lot to offer you. Chin up!

StressedOutMummy

I can identify with you - it has happened to me and I suspect many others. I just want to echo the reponses of the other posters.You will get through this, and the help is there if you need it.It is all a little raw right now and this probably feels like rubbing salt in the wounds.Honestly, it will get better, make time for yourself. Take care x

megan01

Right now, you are feeling pretty damn rubbish. Recognise this, and cry if you want, cry all day, eat rubbish, watch rubbish, stay in bed, do whatever you want. Let out all of your feelings on here if you want, we would all listen , or even ring Samaritans, they are good for listening to you.

But at some point you need to draw a line under it, accept it's happened, and compartmentalise it. Put it all in a file in the back of the filing cabinet and then focus on your future. Do you want to focus all your energies on the business if he is leaving it? What will make you happy?

With regards to him, the best thing you can do, is not show any emotion towards him. Pack all of his stuff and send him on his way. That will annoy him most, because he isn't getting a reaction from you. By acting confident, and assured, it will making him feel uneasy, and often when you act this way, you start to believe it too

marisco_2

Give it a couple of days. Then I would suggest asking him if he would consider going to counselling with you. Relate are very good. If he is willing to, over time this could give you both a very clear picture of where your relationship is at.

You may find a way of working at your partnership and moving forward in a positive manner. Or you might not get the outcome from it all that you want. If this is the end of your relationship at least you could walk away from it knowing you did all you could.

Dont rush into anything or try thinking to far ahead. That just sends you into an emotional haze and it is impossoble to think straight.

nlj1520

You poor thing. What a horrible thing to happen! You are entitled to feel heartbroken, betrayed, angry, vengeful and confused, of course you are. but at some point in the future you will be happy again..........we human beings are resilient creatures and designed to survive and thrive.
What I found difficult when my marriage broke up was knowing WHAT I wanted to do. I was just so confused as I was so used to being part of a couple I had lost sight of who I, as an individual, was. that made it difficult to get out of the pit but what I decided to do was try a bit of everything..........well almost everything.................... and find out that way what made me feel better. I FORCED myself to do stuff and gradually have developed a lifestyle that suits me.
It does take time, and stumbles aloing the way, but after a period of mourning you will start to see a glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Hang on in there and know that you have support here.
Hugs.