What is the matter with me!!

suki1001

Hello,

Please bear with me. I'm really struggling at the moment. Before I go on, I'm not looking for medical advice. I got a letter from the doctors basically telling me off for not keeping up with my blood tests. I'm been on thyroxine forever.
It made me wonder why I kept putting them off and I realised the other day I'd spent 2 years really struggling taking them. that is I became so bothered about the time I was taking them, that it would mean I would miss a couple of doses and so on. Then I realised my behaviour in general is such that I'm so consumed with doing things right and sometimes in specific order that if I think I can't do it, I'll bury my head in the sand. For example keeping the house tidy puts me so much on edge that I end up burying my head in the sand and i becomes chaos.
Another example would be work, I become so bothered that a job is done right, not because I'm a perfectionist, but because I can't bear the thought of it not being right. It's very important I make my cup of tea in a specific way, or make my cereal.
I realised the other day, even though I could have done quite well in life, that I would do a minimum wage job because anything more expected of me - responsibility etc would just almost make life unbearable.
Here's the thing - luckily I've discovered what I want to do in life, and very luckily in this climate, I've a few people who want me to work with them.
My downfall is I am finding the expectation unbearable. Not because they are putting unneccessary pressure on me, but because I put it on myself. It makes me inefficient and I procrastinate, worry, daydream, anything - almost fall to bits that I feel like running away, or just fobbing it all off. It might sound daft, but I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't know if my behaviour is normal, but I just can't seem to get on with a job.

I'm told at one place I work at that I'm stressed, but it's only when I think about it that I realise I am so tense my back is really stiff because I've been sitting really tense in one position. I'm also starting to feel very anxious when I'm out on my own - which isn't nice.

I did speak to the dr on the phone, who suggested i might be a bit OCD and I am going to go and speak to her and sort my blood tests out, but honestly, I feel like I've just realised I've been like this all my life. This is really more of a vent, but has anyone ever gone through the same thing - I just want to feel normal and not like I'm going to end up getting in the way of my own future happiness.

krlyr

I'd definately say get back to the doctor - the thyroid plays such a huge role in your wellbeing, mentally as well as physically. It may be that you just have a bit of an anxious personality but perhaps the thyroid medications need adjusting - anxiety is a symptom of thyroid problems. OK, most of my studies are dog relating (have a hypothyroid doggy) but obsessive or compulsive behaviours are supposedly a symptom too!

Have you ever looked into CBT? This is a kind of therapy that may suit your issues very well, it aims to change how to react to things like anxiety, and modify how you deal with it rather than ignore it or let it worsen. I know a few people who've had CBT and found it very helpful. Your GP should be able to give you more information.

koalamummy

Suki I can't comment on anything else but it may well be worth going for your T4 test as soon as you can. I too have under active thyroid, (amongst other things), and when my dose needs adjusting I usually feel a bit stressed and that life is somehow harder than it really should be to cope with. A change in dose usually helps fix this pretty quickly.

suki1001

krlyr wrote: »

I'd definately say get back to the doctor - the thyroid plays such a huge role in your wellbeing, mentally as well as physically. It may be that you just have a bit of an anxious personality but perhaps the thyroid medications need adjusting - anxiety is a symptom of thyroid problems. OK, most of my studies are dog relating (have a hypothyroid doggy) but obsessive or compulsive behaviours are supposedly a symptom too!

Have you ever looked into CBT? This is a kind of therapy that may suit your issues very well, it aims to change how to react to things like anxiety, and modify how you deal with it rather than ignore it or let it worsen. I know a few people who've had CBT and found it very helpful. Your GP should be able to give you more information.

Thanks, if I do have an anxious personality - I wish I didn't. I have in the past had CBT, but I can't say I found it particularly effective. The therapist I had would hug me - I dare say to try and be friendly and act like a bit of a father figure, but it made me feel a bit uncomfortable and I'm still with the same doctors, so I don't feel too confident it would work.

SailorSam

I've been reading up on the tablets you're taking Suki, there's a lot of people here giving their views of it and how it affected them. See if other users ring-a-bell with how you're feeling. Perhaps your Gp could prescibe something else if you explained you're not happy.
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-13826-L-Thyroxine+Oral.aspx?drugid=13826&drugname=L-Thyroxine+Oral&source=0

suki1001

SailorSam wrote: »

I've been reading up on the tablets you're taking Suki, there's a lot of people here giving their views of it and how it affected them. See if other users ring-a-bell with how you're feeling. Perhaps your Gp could prescibe something else if you explained you're not happy.
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-13826-L-Thyroxine+Oral.aspx?drugid=13826&drugname=L-Thyroxine+Oral&source=0

I don't think there is any alternative. I think rather than the side effects of the drug, it could well be that I'm just not on the right dose and that's why they monitor with blood tests. Having been pregnant with the condition and not on the right dose, I can only say it left me feeling so horrible, it made my pregnancy so miserable. It could be because I haven't been taking it properly, or it could be because my dose needs adjusting. Or it could be that I'm just a miserable git with an anxious outlook in life.

ms_london

suki1001 wrote: »

I don't think there is any alternative. I think rather than the side effects of the drug, it could well be that I'm just not on the right dose and that's why they monitor with blood tests. Having been pregnant with the condition and not on the right dose, I can only say it left me feeling so horrible, it made my pregnancy so miserable. It could be because I haven't been taking it properly, or it could be because my dose needs adjusting. Or it could be that I'm just a miserable git with an anxious outlook in life.

Hi Suki

I also have an underactive thyroid, don't underestimate the effect it has on your life. I think it might be the only illness that only has one medication available to take for it, no alternatives and it is quite enfuriating. Make sure you take your pills as prescribed and keep up with the blood tests.. Your anxiety might be a separate issue although saying that, an overactive thyroid might cause anxiousness?!

PM me if you want to ask anything.

xx

mildredalien

It sounds like you really need to go back to your GP and lay out all your issues and concerns, the things that worry you and how much it is affecting your life, exactly as you have here. Perhaps ask if they can refer you to a mental health specialist for assessment? It could be a variety of things that are causing you problems, some more amenable to change than others. I've always found it helpful to know what's going on - even if it's not the greatest news ever, you can see it as providing information so you know the best way to change something that is causing you distress.

Secondly, it can take a few tries to find a therapist that works for you. If you are uncomfortable with someone who is physically tactile (and I have to say I would be too!) then look around some more, ask for a referral to someone else. Or perhaps look into different types of therapies other than CBT - it isn't for everyone.

mrspanda_2

Hi Suki1002

Your post reads just like one of my days... And I have mild OCD! Talk to your GP!

I am worst when I am anxious or stressed, and my OCD traits are relatively minor, such as needing to do certain things in a certain order like how I make a cuppa. It is all manageable though when you realise what is the matter and how easy it is to treat (I take no pills). It sounds like you're under a bit of pressure so do think about it. PM me if you want

suki1001

ms_london wrote: »

Hi Suki

I also have an underactive thyroid, don't underestimate the effect it has on your life. I think it might be the only illness that only has one medication available to take for it, no alternatives and it is quite enfuriating. Make sure you take your pills as prescribed and keep up with the blood tests.. Your anxiety might be a separate issue although saying that, an overactive thyroid might cause anxiousness?!

PM me if you want to ask anything.

xx

I've never really understood how my thyroid problem works. it's not the thyroid gland that's the problem, apparently it is my pituitary gland that is causing my thyroid gland to overwork, so I really have never understood if I have an underactive or overactive thyroid - it's very confusing, but all i know is I need to take the tablets. It's infuriating though because when I should be incredibly happy, my anxieties are ruining my chance to enjoy them. A lot of people would love to do my job, or rather some of the opportunities that come with it, but my fears and my methods of working (and unnecessary stress I cause myself) just make me feel like giving everything up. This is a shame because I've spent my life never knowing what to do.

I did however go for a blood test yesterday and I'm ready to get it all off my chest at the dr's next week. In the mean time, I'll be sitting on the edge of my seat, biting my nails and struggling on.

pigpen

it sounds like you really desperately need those blood tests so your dosage can be alterred accordingly. The symptoms you are describing sound like the affects of incorrect dosage (My xMIL has underactive thyroid)

Glad you finally got the bloods sorted, if these other things still persist a few weeks after you get your results then maybe look at other causes.