DMP & Mutual Support Thread - Part 9

Kate_fixing_it

Puzzcat wrote: »

And as for friends, well those you choose to tell are not friends if they judge you on finances, friends are the people who stand by you whatever ...

I can second this. When I made it clear to people that we would not be doing gifts last Christmas there was one who I've not seen for dust since. Her loss. I don't need people like that in my life. I'll give my friends all the love and support in the world but if that's not enough... I'm sure you get the picture. It's quite clear that most people on this forum beat themselves up enough for being in this position in the first place, nobody else needs to grab the stick and do it for you.

Kate x

joee

Hello Flutterby83,

I am a bit of lurker here, I have introduced myself a few pages back. I hope that it is ok to reply to you.

It is great that you have already set up your bank account and I hope that it is up and running by the end of the week. I am afraid that I cant give you advice on defaults that is not really my forte!

I feel that you are doing your very best and that is all that you can ask for, it is natural to feel terrified about making phone calls but you must remember you are taking steps to sort you finances out - you are AMAZING!

It is completely normal to feel up and down, I can relate to being frightened what people would do and say when they would find out. I have found that the people who know are StepChange, my creditors and anyone I have decided to tell - the fact is your finances are nobody elses business, like puzzcat said they are not friends if they judge you!

I hope that you will be able to get some sleep and I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

You are not alone!

Lucy x

Flutterby83

Thank you all so much, I think it's something I will keep to myself for the time being but alot of people know we arw struggling anyway. I'm lucky that I have the support of my oh, and everyone here is brilliant, it's good to know I am by no means alone thank you again x

Sazzie23

Flutterby83 wrote: »

I think mine might start in May too as I will be ringing SC tomorrow and already have the ball rolling on a new bank account which will hopefully be set up by the end of the week so I can change my income/priority bills over next week (from 17th), make token payments in April and pay SC on the 1st May......am I wishing a bit too much? If I can get it set up for the 1st May I don't actually default on any account or go over my od limit before they are notified of the DMP, does that make sense? I assume that would go in my favour too? I know not paying the full amount is classed as default on the account but they will be told about the DMP and I'm trying to be as 'good' as possible before all hell breaks lose! Another plus to all this is that my oh and I can now have a joint bank account, which has never been a possibility before now! I'm still terrified about making 'that' call tomorrow though and I know I'm going to lose friends if they find out.........no sleep again for me tonight I seem to be very up and down the last couple of days, is that normal??? Or am I just being a complete idiot :undecided

Very up & down, very normal..am I doing the right thing ..very normal...scared ..very normal - most of us have been there so I think I can say that in absolute confidence. Not sure how many folk on here have told people, for me, the only people that know are the ex-OH who has joint accounts with me so unavoidable and his family who he told. My friends, even my bestie, only know that I had severe financial issues, as I had some major justifications, family illness, Oh job loss, and my wages reduction, they have accepted that I have averted the major crisis but that I still have to be careful with money.

My friends are fairly high earners and I do not want to admit to them the mess I made, however it has changed our relationships as I don't eat out much nor go to expensive shops, and I think they are uncomfortable when they talk about costly meals or holidays but I still have some friends for whom it is not a problem, and they just accept I am skint, they are also skint;). I think if you tell people and they judge you, they are probably not friends that you need.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

Morning all


Wow the thread has been busy this weekend. Welcome to the newbies.


Good result with the rugby yesterday but condolences to my Welsh supporting DMP friends. If it helps I did think Wales had the most handsome team?


Noddle reports due today.


Have a good day all.


HHx

Kate_fixing_it

Morning all! Another day and (yet) another question.

I forgot an outgoing cost when I called step change. It's the payment for hubby's college course. It's 110 per month with 4-5 months remaining. If it goes into the DMP they'll stop his access to the course but I simply don't have room in the budget for it.

I can pay it by credit card and have enough available balance to cover it. He needs to complete the course for his new job and we've been paying it for 3 years. Would it make sense to pay this off with the card which will be going into the DMP?

I know I'm panicking (again) but I don't want to risk his job over this especially as it's taken years to get into this field. His employers are funding his study going forward and hopefully in 6 months his salary will increase too.

Just looking for opinions really. I know this won't clear any debt but I can't see another way around this.

Kate x

Hopelessly_Hopeful

Kate_fixing_it wrote: »

Morning all! Another day and (yet) another question.

I forgot an outgoing cost when I called step change. It's the payment for hubby's college course. It's 110 per month with 4-5 months remaining. If it goes into the DMP they'll stop his access to the course but I simply don't have room in the budget for it.

I can pay it by credit card and have enough available balance to cover it. He needs to complete the course for his new job and we've been paying it for 3 years. Would it make sense to pay this off with the card which will be going into the DMP?

I know I'm panicking (again) but I don't want to risk his job over this especially as it's taken years to get into this field. His employers are funding his study going forward and hopefully in 6 months his salary will increase too.

Just looking for opinions really. I know this won't clear any debt but I can't see another way around this.

Kate x

Hi Kate


Please don't pay it on card or you could be in a lot of trouble. You just need to justify the course to SC. Let them know he cant work if he doesn't complete the course. If he cant work you will not have the money to pay the DMP so its an appropriate expense and is short term. Be polite but firm and assertive. It will be fine.


HHx

blisteringblue

Multiple messages from HBOS over weekend, contact us urgently. Obviously don't read the letters you put in with your token payments.

Anyway took the plunge and rang, expecting grief. Lady could not have been nicer when I explained what was happening :j
She put a 30 day hold on the account while stepchange payments come through and will take stock then once they have all the info.

That's 50% of our total debt playing ball so far.

Hopelessly_Hopeful

blisteringblue wrote: »

Multiple messages from HBOS over weekend, contact us urgently. Obviously don't read the letters you put in with your token payments.

Anyway took the plunge and rang, expecting grief. Lady could not have been nicer when I explained what was happening :j
She put a 30 day hold on the account while stepchange payments come through and will take stock then once they have all the info.

That's 50% of our total debt playing ball so far.

Good news


HHx

blisteringblue

Kate_fixing_it wrote: »

I forgot an outgoing cost when I called step change. It's the payment for hubby's college course. It's 110 per month with 4-5 months remaining. If it goes into the DMP they'll stop his access to the course but I simply don't have room in the budget for it.

I'm sure if you speak to SC they will know what is best? There is a box in the budget form for Education Fees? Also as its not ongoing and only short-term with a better salary afterwards it should help you with debts in the long-term. I really would echo what HH says not to pay it on your card. The 1st point you are agreeing to with a DMP with SC is not to use any more credit.