kids fighting - bullying

andy.m_2

Salient points only, to keep it short.

Family kids 3 & 4, 1 always picks on the other, results in punches and scratches everytime they meet.

How do you resolve it as bully child's mother is a wet fish who thinks that just because child says "sorry" it's ok.

I'm at whits end with what to do to protect my Son.

Please help

fluffnutter

Difficult one. Have you spoken to the child's mother? I.e. Spoken to her (or the child's father) away from the children and expressed your concerns about how the kids interact together?

Out of interest do you know what this child's like with other children? Is it just your son he/she picks on? Which one's older? Do either have any brothers or sisters?

Errata

results in punches and scratches everytime they meet.

Why does the child continue to meet the one that batters it?

peachyprice

andy.m wrote: »

Salient points only, to keep it short.

Family kids 3 & 4, 1 always picks on the other, results in punches and scratches everytime they meet.

How do you resolve it as bully child's mother is a wet fish who thinks that just because child says "sorry" it's ok.

I'm at whits end with what to do to protect my Son.

Please help

As it's family, I would be telling the bullying child off myself as it's mother isn't doing so.

andy.m_2

1) have spoken to Mother, wet fish response and thinks that an apology automatically resets the score to zero.

2) continues to meet because when I'm not there my Wife wants to see her Sister.

3) My Lad is the older, I don't want him to automatically hit back if someone hits you because perish the thought that a girl or lad at School brushes past him and he wallops them.

4) The nephew has no father He is a very bolshy character with everyone.

Thanks so far

andy.m_2

peachyprice wrote: »

As it's family, I would be telling the bullying child off myself as it's mother isn't doing so.

Have done this, immediate response is good but ZERO back up from child's mother and pretty sure that she comforts him about it away from us, "Don't worry they didn't mean it" sort of thing.
She has zero discipline with him, time out usually means a walk towards the step, he cries, says, "no" a lot and She backs down, really winds me up.

pigpen

andy.m wrote: »

1) have spoken to Mother, wet fish response and thinks that an apology automatically resets the score to zero.... You chip in.. I'm sorry but that is not good enough, this is always an issue when they are together and I am not prepared to tolerate my child being a punchbag any longer.. Though as your nephew tell him off yourself!! I have told my niece off several times when she has been a little beastling in front of me. They usually respond to other people telling them off better than when their parents do it. I'd get in before his mum and say' How dare you hurt my little boy, how very mean of you! He will not want to play with you or be your friend if you are not nicer to him'

2) continues to meet because when I'm not there my Wife wants to see her Sister. Arrange for you to have your son while she goes to visit her sister

3) My Lad is the older, I don't want him to automatically hit back if someone hits you because perish the thought that a girl or lad at School brushes past him and he wallops them. I don't think they ever do, from experience sometimes it is the only way.. but it might make the cousin think twice if he realises he will get a punch in return to his mean behaviour

4) The nephew has no father He is a very bolshy character with everyone.

Thanks so far

That is no excuse. He is just allowed to do as he pleases with no boundaries which children need.. he may just be trying to find his boundaries and by behaving worse and worse until he does.. Some of the better behaved children I have met have little or no contact with their father. There is never an excuse for sloppy lazy parenting.

sweetsheep84

So the mum does not tell her child its not nice to hit others? Firstly, I will try tell the offending child off myself since its family (not sure how it will go down with the mum).

If that does not work and still happens, I will tell my child to hit back once and no more. At least then I know my child can stand up for himself if he needs to. That is just me.

andy.m_2

We did the hit back thing, didn't work, while Nephew was shocked and didn't like it, it's like next time they met he was still at it.
I also wasn't comfortable although it made me feel better short term.

sassyblue

andy.m wrote: »

We did the hit back thing, didn't work, while Nephew was shocked and didn't like it, it's like next time they met he was still at it.
I also wasn't comfortable although it made me feel better short term.

Definitely tell your nephew off yourself, and if his mum chips in it's too bad, tell her you understand how she feels because that's how upset you have felt whilst her son was being a bully to yours.

Spendless

Both boys by any chance? Quite common for lads to physically fight, more so than girls who use their tongues to attack.

What does your wife think? Is it less of an issue for her as she remembers her own sibling fighting from her childhood and sees it as an extension of that and it doesn't bother her as much? That can be hard to get your head round if it's not an experience you've had youself.

Are you 'watching' for a problem? Your brain seeks to justify what you believe. So, are you focusing on a 2 minute incident during several hours of playing nicely?.

Are you seeing the whole story? When younger my son was driving me mad by falling out with his younger sister. When I took time to just observe without interfering, I discovered my daughter was starting things, just my son was very loud and 'obvious' in his response so that is what I had focused on.

If you are quite sure that the other child is bulling. Then tell him 'no, we don't do that' if his Mum won't, tell him how it makes your son feel, hurt, upset. If it doesn't resolve issues than limit contact.