oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

MiMi66

Ah ha! I have picked up a further two shifts for August which will help! It means I can meet my debt repayment targets for the next month and hopefully cover the months bills. I think the extra shifts will come to around £240 in dribs and drabs so that's a big step toward school kit and the bike project! I can dip into merger rainy day find and use the monthly pay back credit card to get through the month - should be ok I think. Please please no unexpected blips. Hoping to get away with £100 cash from savings plus the £70 I have. Then food & fuel on card after the 14th. Mad. Hand to mouth type thing - well I know that's a bit of an exaggeration s as there are people who live on far less and manage it. Hats off to them, they have my respect! I just do feel aggrieved that on my income I can't relax about money a bit. But look where years of relaxing got me ...... £22600 in debt plus a mortgage that had taken a hit several years ago when I extended it to cover my initial debt burden. I don't think I've mentioned that before - maybe deliberately white washed it in my mind. After my divorce which was two years after we parted - I increased my mortgage to pay my ex out of the house. I couldn't raise. More than £20000 which was 40% of the equity at the time. I also had got myself into debt - mad living trying compensate for grief and a further £20000 was borrowed against the house. So that bumped my mortgage up to around £120000 I think. I must search out those figures to revisit it all. Anyway mortgage is down to £110000 and moving downwards every month. Very pleasing to see. However ultimately - real evidence that consolidation does not work as I was free and able and DID built up the same and more debt again!

DavidMackie

good work mumi66 you're charging! in the long run nothing can stop that kind of determination, in the short term hiccups can make you question the path!

judi24

More similarities - I bought ex out and put mortgage up. Consolidated debt with loans when with ex and thought nothing of it at all! Only to leave the marriage with a huge mortgage and debts still to pay for! But hey onward and upward! if we immerse ourselves in past mistakes then we are not looking forward but looking back and life is way too short for regret!!! Cheering you on!

PlymouthDad

Hi MiMi,

Exactly the same as me in terms of adding debt to mortgage 7 years ago, then credit cards to tune of 25k ish, then 4 year consolidation loan (2 years left!!!! grrrrrr) then built cards up again!! what.a.pratt. I think my problems started for real when I got a massive pay rise. thought I could 'large it' a bit haha. I too now feel aggrieved that we're not comfortable on a good wage but I try (need) to focus on the positives of all my debt, and move on. Sorry to gatecrash your thread just to have a moan! haha.

I'm trying to say there are many of us in the same boat and together we can stay mainly positive and focussed.

Angel250

Good luck, I had my light build moment today, so you are not alone in dealing with the debt.

amorge

Hi Mimi, I'm in a similar boat, single mum with 18 & 15 yr old girls = expensive!!
Am going to lose Child benefit in September, eldest off to Uni end of Sep tho, depending on results, have everything crossed for next Thursday
My debt is around the £13k and that's purely my fault for stupid spending, we have had some fab holidays etc but definitely not worth it. I was over compensating for their dad leaving 2 1/2yrs ago.
My divorce finalised about 6 weeks ago and I have now bought him out of the house, I was incredibly fortunate and my parents gave me early inheritance to do that - phew! I've also looked at selling/renting/downsizing but in the area I live renting a 2/3 bed is about 3 times my current mortgage payments so really not worth it.
Anyway good luck
x

MiMi66

Hi All - having a late night owl session again reading over everyones comments - I do hope you all know how valued your thoughts and experiences are - It relieves that feeling of isolation that amplifies the worst aspects of being in debt.

Go for it Angel250 - LBM's are so a scary but good time - opportunity to turn things around even if it all takes longer term planning.

And Amorge And Judi24 - don't you just love the fall out of divorce!!! So many of us in the same situation but all feels horribly scary and like it never happens to anyone else. I think men and women both can suffer awful material losses in marital breakdown - divorce only favours the cut throats out there - some lawyers, some women who give many of us a bad name, and some men who don't look after their responsibilities. But most of us, men and women, are trying to be fair to one another while moving apart, but oh heavens it costs emtionally and financially doesn't it.

Plymouth Dad - I hope you can find a way to tackle your Debt and get a good start on a new way of living - one day at a time, always reducing rather than adding - and there are no shortcuts - its just hard grind. I have found smaller things - cheap and free things please me more than they used to - it feels good.

And thank you David Mackie for the thumbs up! Most valued:-)

So my small wins this month are .

Sold my son 's too small bike - £30 straight to his birthday fund.
Found out about reducing my phone contract - can do this at the end of October apparently - and will save around £9 a month.
Used the Bank account free Lovefilm membership - watched Warm Bodies on DVD for free last night - was a romantic take on Zombies - ideal for 14 and 18 year olds and oh, me too - I really enjoyed it.
My ex husband gave me £50 towards costs for my son - I think it was for last school years Duke of Edinburghs trip costs - so hoping it that and not the school uniform as I really need a bit more from him for that. Ho hum.
My first salary came in for the extra shift - and went out almost immediately - I did take the children away to mid Wales for just one night in a B&B - WHICH HAD A POOL :-) - we ate out (dreaded McD's for luch) and a Tesco voucher dinner at ASK - very very nice - we had a good giggle together and talked, which is always good. Bought some lovely artisan bread and brioche at a local market there, a book each at Cribbs Casuseway on the way home. Funny the kids and I both felt like we were away longer even though it was a quick flit for an ovenight stay - 400 miles in two days - mad aren't I. I managed to get my son a few clothing items at Cribbs as well - he opted for little of want he really wanted rather than lots of cheaper items - so two shirts and a pair of jeans from River Island and waiting for a waistcoat to come in at our local store - very dapper.

One really good thing happened (actually two but I shall come back to the other). This one didn't cost anything, and in fact didn't save anything - but it was real evidence to me of my change of mindset and strength. While at Cribbs Casueway I went into M&S last thing - kids were in the car waiting and I had run into M&S to get passionfruit and a bottle of Prosecco - my daughter was keen to make cocktails at home to celebrate with her friends their A Level results day. As went into the store I saw BEAUTIFUL cushions on display - only two left of this lovely floral, bold velvetty range - so I clasp them to my chest (ahem) and went off to look for the wine and passionfruit. The cushions were £19.99 each. I have cushions - albeit rather flattened and tired ones but they were new about 20 months ago, so not too bad. There were no passionfruit and the only bottle of Prosecco was a £10 one - so despite not wanting to disappoint my daughter I put the wine back on the shelf (normally you can pick up a bottle for £6 or so in supermarkets) and resolved to get one on the way home or ask the girls who were coming for drinks to contribute to bringing some as we were supplying all the other ingredients - anyway I've gotten side tracked - the big thing is - I clutched the cushions tightly - stroked them, (I may have even smelt them - so weird) and then put them back on their display chairs and walked out empty handed....... 7 months ago I would have bought the cushions and wondered how on earth I had gotten another £40 on my credit card...... So no cushions = no increased debt. No wine - however friends all decided to meet in town anyway and the one that came to the house brought own pre drinks drink - so no damage there either.... Isn't that good!

The other good thing is that I have won a competition! Last year in my pre LBM days I bought a cooking pan - these are beautiful pans that are built to last and will likely be handed down in families. So - I love my pan and use it most days as a workhorse in the kitchen. I entered a competition with the company and was picked out as a winner for more pans :-) Lovely - so I have been gazing at pans trying to decide which ones from the range to have as my prize - such a great suprise and I am really grateful. They will last a lifetime and means my daughter can take our older good ones away to uni next year and I won't have to buy cheap ones (I am such a cooking and food snob it is ridiculous) for her which would just burn or peel with abuse from uni students....:-)

So I hope my lessons learnt and practiced and little wins and copper pots spur everyone on as well. It's Debt repayment installment day in 10 days time for me - another chunk and I should be at the under £20000 - determined this month. Onwards and upwards. Every penny counts.

amorge

Pleased to see I'm not the only night owl
How exciting to win a competition, I, like you am a cookware/kitchen snob. I was chuffed with myself for being selected to receive a Colgate electric toothbrush but am far more envious of your win!!!
How did your daughter do? My eldest got her results & is off to uni in Newcastle in September. I'm v excited for her but its nearly 6 hrs away so will hardly see her am looking forward to the Uni shop tho, not looking forward to the paying part!
Got some good news today, was offered a job that's 9.5k more than I'm on now, needless to say I accepted immediately.

MiMi66

Hi Amorge!
Well what wonderful news - your daughter's results must have been very good and Newcastle will be an adventure for her - the phone and skype make everything closer, plan the trips home from the outset would be my suggestion. My daugther did very well - she didn't do A Levels and instead did the International Baccalaureate - 6 academic subjects plus other requirements make for a tough 2 years - and it is really well regarded by unis both here and overseas. Her grade is sort of the same as A* A A - at A levels - never quite sure how it equates. She was on track to do sciences but has had a change of heart hence a gap year now, and further course at college and applying for a language degree next year - massive switich of direction. but I am happy to have her home a bit longer - I am hoping she doesn't go too far away.

And a new job at £9.5K extra - how very fab - you could make debt repayments and buy copper pots as well!! Brilliant - congratulations:-) I wonder if your colgate smile helped get the job!?! You ought to write to them - I bet you'd get at least a years worth of toothpaste to go with the brush :-)

I ought to get some sleep - awful how sleep patterns get ambushed by the three D's, Divorce, Debt and Depression...... Hope you sleep too.

amorge

Hi MiMi66,
My daughter got A*AB so v proud of her, she's off on a similar path to what yours is changing to. She's going to do Modern Languages; French, Spanish & Chinese (this one from scratch!!). We have the term dates already, I look a yesterday and unbelievably it's only £5 more for her to fly home for a mth at Christmas than get the train, the airport is only a 20 min drive and it'll save her about 4hrs travelling time - am going to confirm dates with her today and book it later
I'm liking your Colgate letter suggestion and I'm gonna compose a nice tongue in cheek one later & see what happens!
Three D's have hit me recently, I finally got to sleep around 3.30am and them up by 8 grrrrr
Hope you managed more than that!