CSA bailiff action

fishybusiness

Apologies for the rant but am at the end of my tether

You could change the way you think about it all, let him go and get on with your own life.

From what you have said, it sounds like the world around your ex spends its time trying to get money out of him, and he cares not. No doubt he knows the game, and if he is caught, really caught out, CSA will be a long way down the list of wannabe debts.

Chasing con artists often ties people in knots, and as much as I think dads should pay their way, sometimes trying to get to that point means 'losing the plot' a little.

I'm sure you'll say I don't understand, or that he should pay, deserves to pay, fair enough, but at what cost?

hj10

fishybusiness wrote: »

I'm sure you'll say I don't understand, or that he should pay, deserves to pay, fair enough, but at what cost?

Well clearly at the cost of my daughter's welfare. The money is not for myself it is for her upbringing and why should she have to sacrifice from a relationship breakdown. I have to fight for her as she's not exactly capable of fighting for a better lifestyle at the age of 5. Perhaps you could be the one to tell her why she can't go on holidays or trips or have new toys or a new school jumper...

hj10

ILW wrote: »

And you decided to have his children?

I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question due to the lack of useful information in It's content. Not really going to help now is it! But thank you for your concern in my life choices.

Own_My_Own

hj10 wrote: »

Well clearly at the cost of my daughter's welfare. The money is not for myself it is for her upbringing and why should she have to sacrifice from a relationship breakdown. I have to fight for her as she's not exactly capable of fighting for a better lifestyle at the age of 5. Perhaps you could be the one to tell her why she can't go on holidays or trips or have new toys or a new school jumper...

I have never had a penny off my ex. I was left with a 4 year old and a 6 week old.
The CSA phoned me last year out of the blue to say they had re-opened the case.
I have never actually gone after him for money myself. He has no contact with my children, and as far as I am concerned he is nothing to them. I very rarely think about him.

Please do not let this rule your live. It will eat away at you. Every time you look at your child just think what he is missing, and how lucky you are.

hj10

ILW wrote: »

And you decided to have his children?

I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question due to the lack of useful information in It's content. Not really going to help now is it! But thank you for your concern in my life choices.

hj10

I appreciate you decision not to try and claim money from your ex but you cannot base everyone else's circumstances on your own. He has left me paying huge debts he had ran up on hidden bills, for which I am now paying off. I have learnt a very serious lesson and am unfortunately facing the consequences. Also if you aren't bothered about CSA or your ex then I have to ask how you came to be on a forum discussing this topic?

Own_My_Own

hj10 wrote: »

I appreciate you decision not to try and claim money from your ex but you cannot base everyone else's circumstances on your own. He has left me paying huge debts he had ran up on hidden bills, for which I am now paying off. I have learnt a very serious lesson and am unfortunately facing the consequences. Also if you aren't bothered about CSA or your ex then I have to ask how you came to be on a forum discussing this topic?

I think you will find MSE covers loads of topics. I saw your title and had a look.
You are obviously one of those posters that just want's everyone to agree with them.

Sorry for commenting on your thread.

clearingout

hj10 wrote: »

Yes all of the above has been filled in and sent a photo. The courts have awarded a liability order and the bailiffs are currently trying to get payment from him. I'm worried that he will now appeal the amount calculated as that would put everything on hold for months. It concerns me that his ex wife before me has never received any CSA payments and their eldest child is now 14.The CSA are trying to claim money for all four of his children inc our dd. It's time he coughed up and faced his responsibilities.

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with Own my Own - if you knowingly had children with a man who wasn't paying any maintenance (and I suspect my ex's partner's dont' have a clue about that issue) what on earth did you expect? that you were diffferent or that he would face his responsibilities when it came to your children?

It is an incredibly hard lesson to learn but I sincerely hope that anyone reading this in a relationship with someone who already has children has a serious look at whether or not maintenance is paid before having children with that person. This is one situation where leopards really never change their spots.

OP - it is a long haul. If the CSA have been at it for years already, he knows how to play the system. You will, at some level, need to come to terms with the fact that he isn't going to do the right thing and get on with yourself. Any money that does come your way should always be treated as a bonus and nothing else as you'll never be able to rely on it.

hj10

Goodness me. I didn't realise people could be so judgemental. I can't believe that I am being told by complete strangers who are depicting my life from a couple of sentences what I already know. Call me stupid yes thanks I know I have been less than sensible in the past but really I don't remember asking for anyone's opinions on my situation. Only for advice about bailiff action etc. Next time I feel like I need someone to lecture me i'll give Jeremy Kyle a call. Anyone that has any actual useful information please feel free to comment. Thank you.

Own_My_Own

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Please do not let this rule your live. It will eat away at you. Every time you look at your child just think what he is missing, and how lucky you are.

hj10 wrote: »

I appreciate you decision not to try and claim money from your ex but you cannot base everyone else's circumstances on your own. He has left me paying huge debts he had ran up on hidden bills, for which I am now paying off. I have learnt a very serious lesson and am unfortunately facing the consequences. Also if you aren't bothered about CSA or your ex then I have to ask how you came to be on a forum discussing this topic?

hj10 wrote: »

Goodness me. I didn't realise people could be so judgemental. I can't believe that I am being told by complete strangers who are depicting my life from a couple of sentences what I already know. Call me stupid yes thanks I know I have been less than sensible in the past but really I don't remember asking for anyone's opinions on my situation. Only for advice about bailiff action etc. Next time I feel like I need someone to lecture me i'll give Jeremy Kyle a call. Anyone that has any actual useful information please feel free to comment. Thank you.

As a single parent who was left in debt, and has had no maintenance from my ex in the last 15 years, I did try and offer you advice.

But you just came back with a sarcastic comment.