Separation

hazman

Hi, I came home from work 3 weeks ago to find out that my OH had told our son (14) that he was leaving me, bags were packed and off he went. No explanation, arguements. In fact I thought we were off to Ikea for a new table. Anyhow, OH, texted today to say we had no money (2 weeks til payday) and bills still to go out. He is apparently renting a room in shared house. I have taken it upon myself to transfer as many of the household bills to my new account to de debited on payday. We earn about the same £1200 ish after tax and probably a bit of petrol allowance.

I have applied for tax credits (we were previously paying back an over payment) and transfered child benefit to my new account - OH thought we would keep the joint account! My worry is maintenance, he thinks gifts are fine, £75 pair of headphones, but literally no money for food for two weeks!! I have calculated the monthly bills at almost £1000 and as I'm taking home £1200, think I'm in a bit of bother. After 16 years of marriage we have also built up debts through OH's redundancy - in my name as the working wife so I also have £8500 credit card debts. I actually feel that there is no way out. With what I know have to pay, how can I live and look after a 14 year old boy. The car, which I need for my job as I travel from house to house is also in his name... funny how assets are in his name and debts are in mine.

Any help and advice greatly recieved.

Call me sodt, but I'm also concerned he will be skint too. Any idea where I can raise some money for the next two weeks from?

Please be gentle people x

kingfisherblue

First, can you eat out of the cupboards and freezer? Or do you have family to help you with food? Do you have anything you can sell? Maybe have a clear out and do a car boot sale this weekend?

If your separation is permanent, you should seek 20% of your husband's net pay for child support, but I would open a case with the CSA immediately as he thinks expensive headphones are fine instead of monetary help towards the cost of bringing up your child.

Contact the council tax offices - you should now get a discount on your bill as you are the only adult in the property. If you have paid for the full year, you should get a refund for February and March.

foxwales

If the separation is permanent then I would recommend you consider the following options.

If you have no mortgage and are renting its unlikely that you will be able to sustain yourself, your child and your outgoings on your income.

Carry out a full and frank SOA. If when brought down to the necessities you have little left before you consider your creditors then you will not be able to clear the debts in any meaningful way unless your income improves.

If the debts are in your name, are not secured and you have no mortgage, you might consider a Debt Relief Order. This is a mild form of bankruptcy for those with debts under £15,000. You would be insolvent for 1 year. This may offer you the fresh start you need.

Contact your local citizens advice if you can to look at sone options.

Don't worry about your ex. The split probably hasn't sunk in for you yet, he made his bed, he needs to take responsibility for himself and his actions. Your priority is you and minimising the harm and confusion this can cause your child.

Good luck

embob74

If your OH is working then he needs to pay maintenance for your son. If you have a mortgage then your OH is still responsible for putting a roof over your heads. If you rent make a claim for housing benefit and council tax benefit, you may not get anything but it's worth a try.
I would advise seeing a solicitor for an initial free half hour to see where you stand. Protect yourself as much as you can.
If you have any joint accounts I would empty them before your OH can.

Teeniepops

I agree with foxwales.

-Your OH walked out, telling your son before you (talk about putting a 14year old into a state of upset, stress and confusion);
-By the sounds of it, you were surprised which indicates he didn't try make the effort to discuss how he felt with you - like any decent man would. He acted without discussion, consideration and by the sounds of it, no idea of the reality of the consequences;
-Now, after treating you and your son like this, he's asking for financial relief from his responsibility to suit him moving out and leaving you high and dry?

Pah!

Think of you and your son first - he didn't think of you both when he trotted out.

Whether you want to save your marriage is up to you, and people do make mistakes and this may be one of his. If it were me, I'd be cautious if he asked to come home simply as I'd be wondering if he wanted to come back for love or money reasons. But that's just me.

Get everything listed and straight on paper and make sure you let your OH know the total debt. Yes they're in your name, but you're married so everything is 50:50, and you're looking after your son on top of that.

He can't walk out and expect to let you pick up the pieces he made for him.

Good luck - I feel for you. Actually quite cross reading your OP at the position you're left in.

Take care x

hazman

I saw a solicitor today, and I was actually quite shocked at what I found out. She said as we were separated, he only had to pay towards my son, and although he had an obligation the the mortagage provider to pay his share, he has no moral duty to me. I would need to file for divorce to ask him to support me in any way. She said I would have more rights if I did start proceedings and all our assets and debts would be considered and as I have the sole care of out child it would be likely a judge would award me 70-75% of our assets, she said I was also in a good position to buy him out of the equity in the house this way. She them proceeded to say, that I didn't have grounds for divorce and she would suggest marriage guidance in our situation. She said my best bet would be a separation agreement which outlines who is responsible for what, but isn't legally binding. Anyway. I have change most of the bills to come out of my account and he has agreed to pay £250 for out son, and £250 towards the mortgage and says he wants something written up so neither of us make a gain out of the house and it goes to our son (don't know how that works) I have suggested he puts these amounts into my account each month as a standing order so I know where I am.

I don't know if this will work as I don't know how he will be able to live after paying out his living costs, but until I get a bit stronger I am just going to go with it and hope one day he wants to come home and I can tell him "&^&% OFF!!!!":mad:

DS4215

I'm fairly certain that most married people could come up with sufficient reasons to divorce on unreasonable behaviour.

Is it possible to write up an agreement so that you both own half of the property (or whatever % is acceptable), but in the event of death that half goes to your son?

RAS

hi

Firstly have youi done a full benefit check on www.turn2us.org.uk?

Regarding divorce there are three options. Note that lawyers are required to advise mediation as the first option these days.

1. Now on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour - your could check out financial abuse or merely leaving you without discussion.

2. In two years time with agreement from the ex.

3. In five years merely on the grounds that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

Given the age of your child, i think thwe sooner the better.

Do not sign anything that ties the house to your son. You are going to need to support yourself for another 40-50 years so that would be disasterous.

Caroline_a

hazman wrote: »

I saw a solicitor today, and I was actually quite shocked at what I found out. She said as we were separated, he only had to pay towards my son, and although he had an obligation the the mortagage provider to pay his share, he has no moral duty to me. I would need to file for divorce to ask him to support me in any way. She said I would have more rights if I did start proceedings and all our assets and debts would be considered and as I have the sole care of out child it would be likely a judge would award me 70-75% of our assets, she said I was also in a good position to buy him out of the equity in the house this way. She them proceeded to say, that I didn't have grounds for divorce and she would suggest marriage guidance in our situation. She said my best bet would be a separation agreement which outlines who is responsible for what, but isn't legally binding. Anyway. I have change most of the bills to come out of my account and he has agreed to pay £250 for out son, and £250 towards the mortgage and says he wants something written up so neither of us make a gain out of the house and it goes to our son (don't know how that works) I have suggested he puts these amounts into my account each month as a standing order so I know where I am.

I don't know if this will work as I don't know how he will be able to live after paying out his living costs, but until I get a bit stronger I am just going to go with it and hope one day he wants to come home and I can tell him "&^&% OFF!!!!":mad:

That's just him trying to get out of giving you more than 50% of the equity I would say. You need to go to court to get this settled properly. With sole care of your son you should get well over 50% of the house value - I got 60% which was some years ago. It should not be going to your son as it will limit you in your choices in years to come. So, for example, if you want to sell and move... or if you lose your job and want to downsize, etc etc. You may have to sell up to pay off his part of the house, but although I recognise it's very early days, that might be the best solution, with a new start for you and your son.