Can someone turn the light on at the end of the tunnel?

Cathy64

Hello

I feel I just need to vent some anger.

My husband and I separated 7 years ago, he left me to look after our 3 children, pay for the house and debts. He is the type of person that if you contacted CSA he would give up his job and disappear or would work for cash in hand. I work part-time in a secure job to enable me to be at home when the children come home from school. I receive child tax credit and working tax credit for which I am very very grateful for. I am now earning up to the limit when anything above is deducted from me.

I have now decided to get a divorce and change the deeds of our house from joint names to my name. I am not in a position to divorce him at the moment as the cost is too much = approximately £2,000 as I am unable to buy an extra pint of milk.

I have 2 credit cards, a loan, overdraft, mortgage and 3 children. I contacted the mortgage adviser at my bank only to be told that I would need a solicitor to change the name on the deeds and then I would have to apply for a new mortgage in my name. I do not qualify for a mortgage in my own name as I don't earn enough money. I have been paying the existing mortgage on my own for over 7 years with no problems - why am I not able to keep the existing mortgage but just remove his name?

I contacted the bank and asked if I could increase my overdraft limit and they said no and advised me to apply for a loan. When I applied for a loan they said I do not earn enough for an unsecured loan and would need my husband to guarantee the loan as secured against the property.

I just feel I am working to just pay debts off. Makes me wonder why I should bother, may be I should just let the bank repossess the house and live off benefits whilst at the same time being rehoused - all being paid for by tax payers.

If I could change the names on the deeds I would be able to borrow extra money via the mortgage to clear all my debts and I would still be able to pay the mortgage off at the increased value in the same timescale of approximately 4 years - it all seems so simple to me and in such a short timescale.

Why do the banks never chase the other person for money?

Any suggestions/advise would be welcomed.

Tixy

Hi Cathy and welcome to the forum

Sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment.

As you have found you won't be able to take your husband off the mortgage unless the bank are willing to lend you the amount of the mortgage on your own, and unless ex is willing to sign the house over to you alone. It sounds like there is equity in the property - do you and ex have any formal agreement in relation to the split of the equity?

Could you consider downsizing / buying a cheaper property that you would be in a position to buy in your own property, which would then allow you to financially split from your ex, and perhaps leave you in a position to free up some money towards your unsecured debts.

If ex paying anything for the children at the moment? if he is not do you have anything to lose by getting the CSA involved?

Are your unsecured debts all in your name? none joint with ex?
Have you worked on producing a budget to see whether you can financially manage to keep on top of the mortgage, household living costs and pay off your debts? Are you paying all your unsecured debts on time? and are they increasing or decreasing overall each month?

It might be useful to work out a statement of affairs so you can see whether it shows you have a surplus or shortfall each month, and that might help you decide on a plan of action. We use this calculator - http://www.stoozing.com/msoc/soacalc.php

If you wanted to post the results on here people might be able to suggest ways to ease your finances, such as spotting where you may be able to save money / get things cheaper/ move debts around etc.

365days

I am in a slightly similar situation. It's a frustrating, lonely long haul of a ride.

I can offer sympathy but not a lot else I'm afraid.

Is there any mileage of renting out your property and renting a cheaper one?

I really would consider contacting the CSA. Your children deserve to have a contribution from your ex. (Unless you already have a private arrangement in place) The CSA has just released new strategies for enforcing debts (Pop over to the Child support board)

How old are your children? I have come to the conclusion that I am in my situation for another 5/6 years. After that I can work full time again and make some headway. Until then, I'm really only treading water.

What you have though is the pride of knowing you have done it. Raised your children on your own, kept a roof over their head and food on the table, shoes on their feet. All that.

It's a long tunnel but there is a tiny speck of light at the end. When you reach it you can enter into the light with your head held very firmly in the air.

Cathy64

Many thanks for your comments.

There is equity in the house. As the mortgage is shortly going to finish I just feel why if I have paid for it for the past 7 years would he be entitled to half. It is not a big property just a terraced house. He has always said in the past that he would sign the property over but has never actioned this as he didn't want to spend money on a solicitor. The bank did actually draw the papers up when they had a free legal assistance offer on but he would not sign and when I questioned him as to why he just said he didn't know. People have always said to communicate with your other half to get things worked out but honestly you cannot speak to him as one day he will be all obliging and discussing issues and then the next day he will have completely forgotten everything discussed. He even telephoned before Christmas to check what time to come and see the kids I had to inform him that he had been round on Christmas morning for the past 4 years!

Yes I manage to pay all my debts and on time, it just seems all my wage pays debts and that it is - nothing left. I am being very good and budgeting, I have got rid of my car, do shopping online and basic products bought so I can see how much I am spending, stopped smoking, all bills are paid via direct debit as soon as I get paid, no holidays or days or nights out - I really don't think I can do anything else - thanks for the link I will use it.

rhrt

To be honest it sounds to me like he is waiting for you to pay the mortgage of so he can then claim half. I would seek advice now as to what would happen in that, because it may be that it's worth finding the money for the divorce to ensure that a judge decides how much he is entitled to?

Tixy

I think you need some legal advice on the property as a priority - if you are not divorced and have nothing agreed in writing then he has a claim to a proportion or half of the equity in the property.

If you cannot afford legal advice then it could be worth contacing CAB who may be able to help or recommend somewhere that could help you.

lacelady1

Your husband has a claim on the equity in the property and unless you can agree mutally how to settle the finances of the marriage and have a solicitor draw up a consent order, it may have to go to court for a judge to decide. This is expensive, time consuming and largely unneccessary for insignificant sums of money.

Very much depends on your mutual financial circumstances, ages of the children etc but you unless you both agree what's what, its going to end up being dealt with by solicitors or mediation.

I have now finished a protracted, expensive and draining divorce and ancilliary relief case (now called financial orders) all because my greedy ex husband would not agree a fair settlement. It ended up in court, almost at a final hearing but we managed to agree before that happened, and he ended up with less than I had originally offered him and he ran up 13k legal fees arguing the toss over a few thousand quid.

Unless its a large sum of equity, try and avoid court if you can.
You might be entitled to legal aid but this is being withdrawn from April I believe. Also, if you do get it, legal aid is a loan and charged against any financial gains you make as a result of it being granted, ie, if you get the house you have to pay the legal aid back, usually by way of a charge against the house.

Furthermore, a court does not have the jurisdiction to order a lender to remove a mortgagee from the loan. If your lender feels that you cannot fully afford the mortgage or loan, despite paying it yourself for however long, they can insist your ex husband stays on the mortgage....

This is the situation I am in at the moment; I was awarded the house under a Martin Order (Mesher is more common) with my Ex having a change over the house of 40k realisable upon certain triggers, such as me re-marrying, cohabiting, renting the property out or my daughter leaving full time education...which ever happens first he can then claim his dosh....!

Get some legal advice from a good family solicitor asap, usually get the first hour free, see if you can get legal aid then take it from there.

Good luck

LL

vanillafudge

hi, long time lurker but joined up to post on your thread.

please take some legal advice, your first appt will usually be free and you may get legal aid. i'm coming to the end of a divorce and you need to get your finances sorted on a legal footing even if you don't divorce. my ex left me for someone else and he pushed to get things sorted between the 2 of us while i was still reeling from finding out. took me to mediation tried to get me to agree to him walking away with much more than me. wanted to take money from joint savings etc. i got a solicitor on board and basically came out fighting. the starting point is 50/50 but you have paid mortgage, brought kids up etc on your own and that goes in your favour in court. it will cost a lot but look at it as an investment into you and your childrens' future and your financial security in the long term

Cathy64

Hello

I thought about going to CAB but then I think they would only advise to go to a solicitor to action things. I am making myself an appointment to see a solicitor for the free half hour sessions they offer and hopefully will be able to get things rolling despite the cost - as this won't go away on its own, think I have been a bit hesitant as I don't know what I am doing
and all seems very daunting.

I appreciate all your your comments.

Cathy64

Hello LL

I feel my troubles are nothing compared to what you have gone through - you give me hope. We don't have much to fight over I would just be happy to receive the house in my name I have managed well enough without any support for the children but I realise I shouldn't be thinking that way and that the children should benefit from extra support as they are missing out on a lot of things but thankfully they are understanding (children now aged 16, 14 and 11).

Many thanks

vanillafudge

hello again,

when my husband left i was only working part time, 1 child at uni and 1 in 6th form. i couldn't have survived without the benefits i got and am extremely grateful to uk tax payers. 18months on i'm now on extra hours and youngest now in uni too, so no longer in receipt of benefits. i started divorce purely to be in control of my own life, i felt husband and OW had taken decisions affecting my life and i wasn't going to let them do it again if i was to delay starting divorce proceedings. my kids get huge help in respect of uni grants etc and i'm entirely self-supporting now.

i still loved my husband when i started divorce proceedings but the timeframe with children and the control of own life issue i mention above was the driving force behind my decision to proceed. make your kids your priority when it comes to your negotiations and you won't go far wrong. they deserve the best settlement you can get. my solicitor's bill was partly covered by husband cos of adultery but i feel every penny i have paid has been money well spent.

you can't do things like changes to title deeds on property etc without their help - it's a minefield!

good luck with appt