I like a quiet life but...

Maureen43

...in the next 8 weeks the following will happen!

1) Start a new full time job
2) Divorce will become absolute
3) Move house

I am not sure which one scares me most! I have worked part time for years and I am really daunted by working full time as a single parent.

Plus organising a house move...I think I might melt in a puddle of stress....

FBaby

Firstly, do accept mentally that you are going through stressful events. You are so no need to ponder over it. Once you've accepted the situation, you can be prepared to deal with it by organising yourself to make as manageable as possible.

When are you actually moving houses? What does it involve? Just the physical move or looking for a new school for your child etc...

What is the timescale between the new job and move? If it is the full 8 weeks, then it is not so bad. If it is one week, it will be tougher.

The focus on your new job will be mainly to get use to your new routine and make efforts to impress at work. Make sure you get there on time and show enthusiasm and dedication. Go to bed early and get proper sleep. Plan your journey well.

Children:depending on their age, you need to spend time before you start your job to prepare them as much as possible to adjust to the changes that will fall upon them.

House move: Be pragmatic about it and start writing down all that needs doing with a timescale attached to it. Get on with it and tick away.

In the end, if you are organised and things are going ok, you will get a sense of appeasement from feeling in control that will spur your on and make it all bearable, so do put all your focus on being as organised and prepared for all eventualities as soon as possible. No need to be stressed about being stressed, that is just wasted energy.

balletshoes

it is stressful, no doubt about that - but just like Fbaby says, make a list about the house move, what needs doing, and tick it off as you go.

A new job can be daunting, but you've been working part-time, so its just a little more juggling to be done to get everything done in the week .

Eliza_2

Yes it's stressful, but there's good stress and bad stress, and this is all good stress - very definitely!

It's really exciting to move forward with the next phase of your life, I expect lots of things have been in limbo for a while and now it's all coming together for you - congratulations.

Get going with list making - that's half the fun of it. Involve the kids, put a big timetable on the wall of everything that's to be done so everyone can see. Flipchart paper is the greatest for planning large!

Incidentally, don't try to impress at work, of course turn up on time and dress appropriately etc, but the first few days and weeks are all about learning, listening, being interested, lots of reading and talking to others, finding out where the loos and kettles are, the hierarchy and so on. If you go in all know-it-all then you'll make a bad impression. There's hardly any difference between full and part time, as long as you've sorted out the home/kids part of it all.

Don't think about the bad stress, my mother moved countless times - both house and job, and loved it, even with 4 children, and I've caught it too, having moved lots, divorced, and skipped jobs whenever I got fed up of them. Change can be really energising if you let it, it can also get you down if you let it- which is your choice?

Maureen43

Wise words from all of you. Many thanks.

15 years ago none of this would have phased me, but my self-esteem has taken quite a battering in recent years and I am full of self-doubt about everything really - whether I can do the job, whether I will make a mess of everything, you name it!

flutterby_lil

Chin up hon and good luck, take it one step at a time and remember you and the little one(s) come first.

FBaby

Maureen43 wrote: »

Wise words from all of you. Many thanks.

15 years ago none of this would have phased me, but my self-esteem has taken quite a battering in recent years and I am full of self-doubt about everything really - whether I can do the job, whether I will make a mess of everything, you name it!

Self-esteem is very dependent on what you face and go through so if you organise yourself well, take it step-by-step and keep going, you'll come out of it with your self-esteem suddenly back on track.

getmore4less

START PACKING NOW.

Make a plan

Jinx

I had the moving house and starting new job scenario a few years back - my thoughts:

The divorce will just happen so dont worry about that now. Or get a bottle of wine/choc/girly mate over if you need a little boost

Get clearing out the junk in your house now. Get some boxes and start packing. Write on each box which room it should go in so that when you move the right things are in the right place.

I found that being organised helped minimise the stress. So I bought 5 sets of school uniform for my daughter (she was 8 then) so that I could wash and iron all her stuff at the weekend and not worry about it after that. Ditto my work stuff - Im a big fan of dresses and boots, so buy dresses that dont need ironing that kinda thing.

For starting the new job I decided for the first couple of weeks I would follow the lead of those around me so bought lunch and sat with colleagues etc. After that I got a bit comfier and brought in packed lunches to be MSE.

You can and will cope as there isnt an option really - you have to work and the child(ren) need fed etc. Be kind to yourself and try to get enough sleep.

marisco_2

Maureen43 wrote: »

15 years ago none of this would have phased me, but my self-esteem has taken quite a battering in recent years and I am full of self-doubt about everything really - whether I can do the job, whether I will make a mess of everything, you name it!

You are more capable than you give yourself credit for. Look at the enormous changes you are putting in place and coping with.

You have made it this far through divorce proceedings. I get the impression this marriage you have been in has been destructive to your well being. It takes huge strength and a sense of self worth to walk away and carve out a new life for yourself and your children.

Whilst coping with two of lifes most stressful events, divorcing and moving house, you have managed to land yourself a new job. Well done you that is a fantastic achievement in the current ecenomic climate. A company has interviewed you for a position that it appears will stretch you and challenge you. They have listened to you and liked your ideas and shown belief in you. You can make a success of it.

Take comfort from the fact that you are taking huge, positive steps in the right direction to secure a happy future for yourself and your children.

I am not saying all this with no idea of what you are going through. I have been in your shoes myself a few years back and felt the same kind of fear you do now. You will be okay. Rely on family and friends when you need to and make sure that each day you do something nice just for yourself. Having a bit of quiet time allows you to focus, regroup your thoughts and reduces the amount of initial panic you feel doing things by yourself. With every day you will feel stronger and more confidant

VestanPance

It'll be tough, but you'll get through.

I had a similar period in my life a few years ago. My father died, my wife had an affair and left me, I departed my home to find a new place and my work announced my department was being closed and all the work moved to China so I left and got a new job all in in the space of a few months.

I can't say I look back on it as a happy time, but you do muddle through.