Forced into Prepare/Enrich Marriage Preparation

soteman

Hi all,

Has anyone come across the Prepare/Enrich marriage preparation course? Our vicar is insistent that we have to do it before he will marry us, even though it is £25 and looks ridiculous (e.g. it suggests we schedule regular meetings with written times, locations and agendas to discuss issues, and offers advice like "you should discuss budgets and the use of credit cards").

We have to separately fill out personality questionnaires which are sent off to a central processing place then the vicar gets a 20 page report on us, and we have to attend multiple meetings with him to discuss ourselves and how we can improve as a couple. It doesn't help that the church is 150 miles away near my fianc!e's parents.

74jax

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=3132876&highlight=preparation+course

I did a quick search and this thread might be similar?

DollyDabbler

We did this prior to our marriage, It was very informal and useful, even though we had been living together for a while before we married. Because we lived away from the church, our vicar organised it so that it was on weekends when we were visiting to either do something towards the wedding or where we were there for the reading of the banns. Speak to the vicar, it might be possible to do this at another church, closer to where you live.

soteman

That looks vaguely similar thank you. I know it is very popular in Catholic weddings but I can't see how Church of England can mandate it, especially as it costs and they aren't allowed to force extras on you which is wha I consider this to be. It just looks so patronising.

rosie-lee

Why not opt for a civil marriage if you don't wish to partake in the religious aspect. If you are marrying under the rites & rituals of the CofE Church I would imagine you need to follow the requirements they have.

cats2012

We're getting married in a Church and neither that Church or our local Church has asked for this, although another local couple I know did it and said it was actually really useful.

So it's not the CofE mandating it, but it may be at the Vicar's discretion I expect.

Idiophreak

I had to do a prep course before I could be married in our local, although I think it was free. A lot of it you may well view as "patronising" stuff, I guess...there was a lot of discussion about household budgeting, how to live together in peace, how to address conflicts...but I was surprised that my fianc!e(as she was then) and I were in the minority of attendees in that we were already cohabiting. A lot of the advice they offered I thought would actually be quite useful for a lot of the people there, so didn't view it as patronising myself.

To be honest, I found it quite nice to just spend a morning talking about our relationship, what we want out of life, all that big picture kind of stuff that tends to get overlooked amongst the humdrum of day to day life. And it did make me think about a couple of things - in particular there were discussions about the fact that you become "family" with the inlaws and how that can impact things. A couple of angles I just wouldn't have thought about on my own...

heartbreak_star

I believe one of my friends tried to decline this course, stating he "didn't need a celibate skypilot telling him how to love a woman".

The vicar had told his wife-to-be they NEEDED to learn it all. They mostly knew it all. Even his fiancee was disappointed.

Thankfully theirs was free and local!

HBS x

Thriftygifty

I'm waiting for our vicar to mention this!!! We've booked the church for spring this year but havent been back to see him yet as he has been ill.

Someone I know got married last year and she said they had to fill in pages of stuff about their relationship. I'm not looking forward to it either, but I do want to get married in the church so guess I dont have a choice, I'm hoping it wont get mentioned and we wont have to go but think thats a long shot.

I dont like the sound of them filling in a report on us though and sending it somewhere :eek:. Wonder where these reports end up? Wonder if years down the line family researchers can read them, can imagine my great great great grandchildren sitting there reading it lol.

Bella73

The vicar is probably trying to weed out the couples who just use the Church as a pretty backdrop for their wedding. I'm sure if you started attended every Sunday there would be no fee but you're hardly going to do that from 150 miles away. Guess it's the price you will have to pay or as someone else suggested have a civil ceremony.

ognum

Why do you want to get married in church, I assume its because you believe in the values and beliefs so why are you refusing the help of the person who leads the church you want to marry in?

I can't believe in the big scheme of the cost of a wedding that £25 is such a big deal. maybe spend £25 less on the Hen night!