Husband being pushed out by ex....

cord123

Hi,

I have been on here before regarding my husbands ex. He has two DD's 7 & 9.

Their relationship was ok and we all got on well (she did do things that we disagreed with) but by and large things were civil.

She has a boyfriend and seems to want to go out all the time, fine by us, we can see more of the girls. We have asked for full custody but she wont let us.

Now, she is moving in with her boyfriend which means the girls are changing schools. So Thursday she rings my DH and says that she has booked to look round the school monday... he was working but changed his shifts so he could go.

Yesterday she collects the children and informs me that my DH cant go to view the school as her boyfriend is going and only two people are allowed.

So i tell my DH and he calls her up. She goes crazy saying that it has nothing to do with him and that he can go on his own. He just said that fine but why invite me. I have changed my shifts and now i cant come. I should be going I am their father.

He had no problem at all with her new boyfriend going but doesnt see why he should go over him. She said that he had to go as he had to give paperwork to prove he lived there to get in the achool. I dont understand how he can prove they are moving in anyway but there you are.

She then put her boyfriend on the phone saying you tell him that he cant go. My husband then told him I didnt at all say that I didnt want you there, what I said was that I want to go.

We are not sure what to do.... she is a nightmare for letting us know parents evenings etc and we did ask for letters to be sent to us from their previous school but they were always sent too late. She is also very pally with a few members of staff at this school which makes the situation worse as we dont want her knowing we get things sent to us.

On top of this we still get comments on how often we have them (around 3 nights a week, if not more and most of the holidays!)

I think mediation could be the way forward... if this happened could you get in writing that we have to be informed of all Parents evenings, schools trips (as we like to volunteer for them, she never has) school fetes etc.... or is it purely for access agreements?

Also, can he request that letters be sent to him without her knowledge? Obviously we have know way of knowing if the staff do tell her but worth asking? x

pigpen

mediation is a farce and an expesive one at that (£100 an hour here). If they can manage to be civil to one another I suggest the 4 of you go for a coffee or lunch together and talk like grown ups. You should all have an interest in the girls and have input in their lives so should be working together.

The school will post out or email letters to both parents but it is easier to check the school websites now as stuff is often updated regularly on there and also add his email/mobile to the school records as a lot of correspondence is sent electronically too.

Why would he not want her to know he was getting letters? That is just trying to sneak about behind her back and wil pee her off.

I'm sure if he were to phone the school and explain they would be fine with him going too... probably the simplest solution. Or he can make alternative arrangements around his shifts and you could go too.

It sounds like the petty arguments are being put ahead of the girls best interests to me.

cazziebo

The school will be well used to this kind of situation. It should be easy for your OH to make a separate appointment. My daughters' school were happy to do that when we moved. My ex and his wife visited separately from my visit. No tension, just seemed a better way to do it.

Neither primary nor secondary were happy with having two lots of adults turn up at parent's night for the same pupil. Fair enough, they have limited time to get through a large number and always over run. However, they did offer separate meetings with teachers.

IME, schools rarely send out letters by mail. They tend to go in school bags (which meant I rarely got them in time!) The local high school does a text/email alert service which is automated; your OH could have his name added to that , if you don't mind several messages about Spring Fayres, non uniform days etc etc.

As Pigpen says, this is about the children. There's no need to fall out over it - just work out the solution.