Finding a local debt support group

sj1983

I have a DMP but still suffering with very bad anxiety relating to my debts. I think I would benefit from attending a support group but haven't had any luck finding a local one using the internet to research groups.

I'd be grateful for your suggestions on how to find a local group, and would love to hear about any experiences you've had of debt support groups.

Thanks

bubblebath_2

Hello sj1983

I don't know about debt support groups where you actually meet up but this forum comes close :-D

Sorry to hear you are anxious about your debt.
It's nice to see that you wish you talk to someone about it as getting it out there and speaking to people in the same situation as you makes you feel less alone and speaking to people who give good advice on ways to tackle your debt can make you feel afresh.

Do you mind sharing your story here, like how much debt you are in and your current situation to see if we can help you on here too.

There are so many people with such great advice.

dottygirl

Hi have you tried Christians against Poverty - you dont have to be a believer and they dont try and convert you. They helped a friend of mine in Southampton and I know they are country wise. Would the CAB be any good to give you advice. Take care I hope you find the help you are looking for. x

Willing2Learn

Don't know where in Wales you live, but an organisation similar to Llandrindod Wells & District Volunteer Bureau/Community Support should be able to point you in the right direction. For example, I just googled "llandrindod wells support groups" and that was one of the first on the list.

This forum functions as a support group too!!

sj1983

bubblebath wrote: »

Hello sj1983

I don't know about debt support groups where you actually meet up but this forum comes close :-D

Sorry to hear you are anxious about your debt.
It's nice to see that you wish you talk to someone about it as getting it out there and speaking to people in the same situation as you makes you feel less alone and speaking to people who give good advice on ways to tackle your debt can make you feel afresh.

Do you mind sharing your story here, like how much debt you are in and your current situation to see if we can help you on here too.

There are so many people with such great advice.

Thank you for the reply - I've been reading some of the posts on here actually and it is reassuring to see that I'm not the only person in this situation; I feel so alone most of the time.

I started my DMP about a year ago with StepChange and owe about £13,000. I pay £230 a month but not all my creditors have agreed to stop interest a debt-free date feels so far away. I am in counselling for depression (not just to do with debt) but my counselor has only scraped the surface of my debt problems, and as it was NHS I've had all my sessions now.

The anxiety is a big problem for me as I worry sick about people finding out that I am in debt (people see me as a very happy person, an achiever, and I get so exhausted living up to that persona). I can't talk to my friends or family about the problem as I don't want them to know I'm a failure. They don't know how bad my depression is either, they just think I saw someone for a few weeks to talk through problems that came about when I lost my job last year (I am working now).

I've come on here tonight as my Mum opened a letter that went to my parents' address and found out about £6k of the debt. She called me about it, and was so angry with me...the worst part is, there is another £7k that she doesn't know about. It made me so sad because my counselor had suggested confiding in her. At first I said there was no way I could, and then I started to think maybe I was wrong and Mum knowing would take a huge weight off my shoulders and she would know what to say to make me feel better. But the call tonight proved I can't talk to her about it. Now all I can think about is will she tell my father, will she tell my sisters and if she does will they throw it in my face during an argument or slip up in front of Dad, or ask me about it...... I'm 28 and still put so much pressure on myself to please my parents!!!

Gosh, it does feel good to share this. The worst part has definitely been the keeping of secrets.

bubblebath_2

sj1983 wrote: »

Thank you for the reply - I've been reading some of the posts on here actually and it is reassuring to see that I'm not the only person in this situation; I feel so alone most of the time.

I started my DMP about a year ago with StepChange and owe about £13,000. I pay £230 a month but not all my creditors have agreed to stop interest a debt-free date feels so far away. I am in counselling for depression (not just to do with debt) but my counselor has only scraped the surface of my debt problems, and as it was NHS I've had all my sessions now.

The anxiety is a big problem for me as I worry sick about people finding out that I am in debt (people see me as a very happy person, an achiever, and I get so exhausted living up to that persona). I can't talk to my friends or family about the problem as I don't want them to know I'm a failure. They don't know how bad my depression is either, they just think I saw someone for a few weeks to talk through problems that came about when I lost my job last year (I am working now).

I've come on here tonight as my Mum opened a letter that went to my parents' address and found out about £6k of the debt. She called me about it, and was so angry with me...the worst part is, there is another £7k that she doesn't know about. It made me so sad because my counselor had suggested confiding in her. At first I said there was no way I could, and then I started to think maybe I was wrong and Mum knowing would take a huge weight off my shoulders and she would know what to say to make me feel better. But the call tonight proved I can't talk to her about it. Now all I can think about is will she tell my father, will she tell my sisters and if she does will they throw it in my face during an argument or slip up in front of Dad, or ask me about it...... I'm 28 and still put so much pressure on myself to please my parents!!!

Gosh, it does feel good to share this. The worst part has definitely been the keeping of secrets.

sj1983 I am so sorry to hear all of this and I do know what you are going through.

I understand completely what you mean about wanting to keep it hidden from your parents and I think at any age people still feel pressurised to be in their parents 'good books'

The main thing is

a) you have an agreed DMP and your creditors have agreed to this so at least you don't still have them chasing you up

Regarding your mum? She may be coming across as really angry about the debt because she just wants the best for you and for you to be happy.

It's down to you at the end of the day what you think will be best in regards to telling her that you actually owe more than double 6k.

Sometimes writing a letter is best because it gets it all out there and speaking about it can be harder depending on your relationship with your mum.

If you are struggling financially, I think you can get further free counselling else where. I am unsure of the organisations but sure people will let you know that (that's if the counselling is helping you)

I worry so much about the debt too and I hate to tell people about it, as it makes me feel like a failure, but we aren't.
We aren't failures.
Don't let people ever make you feel bad if they say something horrible. The combined debt of the country's residents is in it's billions so there are tonnes of us.

You're only 28 and your learning your lesson now.

Some people are in debt up until their 70s, so at least once the debt-free date happens you know not to go down the same route.

There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Always here if you want to chat.

sj1983

bubblebath wrote: »

sj1983 I am so sorry to hear all of this and I do know what you are going through.

I understand completely what you mean about wanting to keep it hidden from your parents and I think at any age people still feel pressurised to be in their parents 'good books'

The main thing is

a) you have an agreed DMP and your creditors have agreed to this so at least you don't still have them chasing you up

Regarding your mum? She may be coming across as really angry about the debt because she just wants the best for you and for you to be happy.

It's down to you at the end of the day what you think will be best in regards to telling her that you actually owe more than double 6k.

Sometimes writing a letter is best because it gets it all out there and speaking about it can be harder depending on your relationship with your mum.

If you are struggling financially, I think you can get further free counselling else where. I am unsure of the organisations but sure people will let you know that (that's if the counselling is helping you)

I worry so much about the debt too and I hate to tell people about it, as it makes me feel like a failure, but we aren't.
We aren't failures.
Don't let people ever make you feel bad if they say something horrible. The combined debt of the country's residents is in it's billions so there are tonnes of us.

You're only 28 and your learning your lesson now.

Some people are in debt up until their 70s, so at least once the debt-free date happens you know not to go down the same route.

There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Always here if you want to chat.

Yep, I have certainly learnt a very big lesson. It took 9 years of being in debt to do something about it, but at least I'm on the right path now I guess. Thanks for the advice about further free counselling - I will investigate this week, I'm thinking a charity like Mind might have that sort of service.

May I ask are you in a DMP? I thought the bad feelings would go away when I set it up - it's so good to hear that other people have continued to feel low even after taking that step.

Thank you so much for your kind, reassuring words; they're just what I needed this evening.

bubblebath_2

sj1983 wrote: »

Yep, I have certainly learnt a very big lesson. It took 9 years of being in debt to do something about it, but at least I'm on the right path now I guess. Thanks for the advice about further free counselling - I will investigate this week, I'm thinking a charity like Mind might have that sort of service.

May I ask are you in a DMP? I thought the bad feelings would go away when I set it up - it's so good to hear that other people have continued to feel low even after taking that step.

Thank you so much for your kind, reassuring words; they're just what I needed this evening.

You're welcome

My thread title on 2nd page is '£7200 in debt and on job seekers allowance' - says everything in there
No DMP for me, I have to get a debt relief order it seems.
I can only afford a fiver to each creditor so they are threatening door-step collectors and bankruptcy as such.

station296

Sj1983 - I did the same and kept all my debts secret, i regret it as it nearly crushed me - the weight of the secrets can be so heavy it completely consumes you. If you can have more counselling then push for that, also try to do things to build up the support circle around you to ease the pressure you feel - things like free book groups can be a great switch off and help you see there are other things to occupy your mind, plus the new friends just see who you are and not the expectations you have portrayed over time (if that makes sense!)

I know you'll find it difficult but if your mum knows part of the problem, then maybe confide the rest or just that part of it, fully with her. Maybe showing her how you're planning to repay it and that you have started to move on. It's a long road, and the fact that its difficult means you won't want to go back to these days when you're debt free!

I managed to clear ~£40k (still never told anyone, and still thoroughly embarrassed that I got to that point!), I'm amazed I managed to do it but wish I'd had someone to support me along the way as I lost a number of friends through my fear of being seen as a failure, and became heavily depressed though hid it. I'm now realising how many friends also hid/hide their debts and I wish I'd sought help properly. Even if only to have someone understand why I wanted to leap around the room each time I finished off one of the debts!! - or when a default finally drops off your report!!

It's not easy, but this site offers great non-judgemental advice and support, so whenever you're at a low point, just shout on here! I hope you find the support you need, and wish you luck on you debt free journey :-)


Just to add mine was a self managed DMP, took 6 years to clear, but I got there and you will too!

Treadmill

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/20098388/

£95 and its all yours, no chance of BH repossessing it.

Tixy

Treadmill - is that a mispost and meant to be on a current thread in the loans forum??

sj1983 - welcome to the forums.

Do you think that mother was perhaps just shocked about the debt and that it just came out as appearing to be angry? Perhaps you could try to sit down and talk to her about why the debt came about when you lost your income (even if you don't tell her about the rest of your debts), maybe explain to her that you feel upset and anxious about the debt but that you are tackling it with the help of a debt charity. You could ask her to be discreet as you feel it would make you feel worse if the rest of your family knew.

Obviously you'll know better whether how this might go and how she'd react, but I can think of a lot of people on here who have said when they first told partners/family that they were shocked but then became supportive and understanding.
Might be something to consider anyway.

With regards to the interest still being charged - have you tried sending your creditors a letter to ask them to reconsider freezing interest? I know stepchange do a lot of this for you but some people have had luck with trying a letter from themselves. National debtline website has a template letter just for that situation.