Child moving away, reduced contact

purplepardalis

And payments would in fact be zero according to the CSA. Because NRP earns nothing at the moment.

But I am trying to do the right thing!

FBaby

And you ARE doing the right thing and however hard it is and how much unfair it feels, that is what makes the difference between a good parent against what isn't. I am a strong believer that long term, it will pay off, even if not by the kids thanking you one day (although likely to happen, especially once they become parents themselves one day), at least knowing that you have done everything to make a child (who never deserved what happened to them) happy.

Sometimes nrps get the raw deal, sometimes it's the pwc. In my case, I'm the one who faces the unfairness, a nrp who fully relies on my strong will to do everything best for my kids, including them having a strong relationship with their dad. If I didn't, it would be war (even though it would be his fault), and my kids would suffer. As it is, taking it all in with a fake smile on my face, I get well adjusted and happy children AND, a nrp who actually think of me with some respect. If he isn't challenged and therefore not stressed, he is capable of appreciating that he is lucky to have me as a pwc (It helps that his new partner is a nrp too). He has been known to tell friends in common that I am a great mum and that he knows he hasn't treat me well in the past. The kids are not yet appreciative, although they are starting to slowly understand the implication of me financing everything for them myself, but I am not doing it for their appreciation.

At times I have to hold it in not to show my exasperation (when the kids come back from Christmas ladden with expensive designer clothing items) and I get the whole 'isn't daddy wonderful', but at other times (when he is prepared to be flexible with contact and more importantly never challenges my decisions when it comes to health, education etc...), I am relieved that I have managed to rise above the anger and bitterness. It does make for a much more peaceful life.

kevin137

purplepardalis wrote: »

But the PWC would stop access until the hearing happened. And who would suffer? Us of course but most importantly the children would.

It is not quite the was it used to be, there are more consequences nowadays for breaching court orders, and they can be got back into court very quickly as well...

Personally while you may well be doing the right thing, the legal thing is what the CSA assess at...!!!

So i would be doing teh legal thing right about now, if promises where made and broken, then i would get a court ordered access, then STOP paying CS until such a time as to the PWC can do the right thing...!!!

You will either end up with a much better contact situation or a PWC that wants to play silly and then that means she plays silly with the court...!!! And i would not want to be doing that...!!! Judges don;t take crap anymore...!

SingleSue

kevin137 wrote: »

And some absent parents just don't have a choice about being absent...

I understand this is always going to be personal opinions, i am just pointing out that it is a very biased pone sided system that decides to start with...!

And if this was not the case then you may just find more involved with decent contact and the NRP would be recipient to paying with no problems...

Can no one see what i am saying...??? Or is it always going to be this way...

Oh he had the choice but chose not to.

There are no restrictions on access, telephone calls etc, never have been. He could, if he wanted to, see the boys every day of the week, I actively encouraged access, be that in person or via electronic means as I know how important it is for a child to have time with both parents.

But.....he prefers to not have the hassle or responsibility of having the boys with him and to enjoy a child free life. I would have loved to have had a shared care agreement but he had other ideas.

Edit - Think I better clarify, we have a private agreement and are not through the CSA, so nights with NRP etc, do not come into it. He was also the one who moved despite not needing to for employment etc, we still live in the same house. Still, it looks like he is trying to come back to this area, so I keep my fingers crossed!

hairbrain05

Thought i’d update...

After a completely shambolic process (lost paperwork, mis-information, transfer of case, different answers etc etc), the CSA have eventually decided that despite over £1k in costs being demonstrating for travel costs, there will be NO variation. So the results are.....

PWC
Increased payments
Power to request a review of fathers salary at any time
Complete power over when & for how long she allows the child to visit their father

Father
£1k+ in accrued expenses for flights (following previous written agreement with mother to fund first yrs flights which CSA disregard)
Limited (if any) finances to afford to fly him home in future
Potential further increase in payments due to the amount of time being spent with him dwindling & being out of his control

Child
Loss of regular time with his father, his step family and baby sibling


Seems like there's only one winner here.....



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