Trying to save money at family party

leftieM

My OH's extended family is having a party in a month. They've decided to get outside caterers and they are fundraising as well. They want £15 per adult and £3.50 per child so it'll cost £37 before the fundraising part, drinks, petrol etc. I'm pretty anxious about our finances at the moment - we had to pay out a lot of money this month because of various bills that came in and we're in overdraft this month because of it. My OH's family are much better off than us (I'm not working at the moment) and don't really understand the pressures we are under - we don't go on about it.
I must admit that I'm not looking forward to this party and the money is an added burden on the day. So I thought myself and OH might be able to take a picnic and just pay for the kids' meals. Then we could use the money we would have spent on the meal to pay for the fundraising part (which we can't get out of - they're going to get all the kids to paint a picture which the parents have to buy - it'll be pretty obvious if we don't!)
Am I being a complete tight a*se? I know it's not a fortune but I feel I'm being forced to come up with all this money that we don't have at the moment. Any thoughts or suggestions would be very welcome!

Justie

is there no one in the family you can talk to about it?

You may find that an aunt or one of the GPs offers to pay for some of it if they know it's hard for you to come up with it. My mum is much better off than her sister and one set of our cousin and so it's become the norm for her to pay for them to come to family events as we'd all rather they were there than not and none of us begrudge that she pays for them but we have to pay our own way.

KarensKraftyBits

No it sounds completley reasonable to me.
If you want another way maybe you could like save up all your spare change including 20ps 10ps etc etc and they have money banks in some asdas which change up all your change and you can redeme your cash at the counter. or maybe put like £1.50 away a day?
I think your idea is fine tho, if its for charity every little bit helps and who cares what anyone else thinks.
xxx

belfastgirl23

I'd take whoever is organising it aside and say that things are a bit tight at the minute. Since you really enjoy cooking and baking anyway (!) could you contribute in kind instead, and agree what it is you'll bring. It'll be cheaper than the caterer can do and you won't end up feeling 'odd' by eating your own food.

I do know what you mean, it is hard to deal with this stuff. But I think being up front is an awful lot easier.

Otherwise if you're dreading it that much and have been to a lot of the other parties etc you could just beg off going??

Welshlassie

What is the party for? Personally if I was planning a party and invited family I wouldn't expect to pay for it myself not ask the guest I'm inviting to pay for it. I think £15 per adult is a bit rich, especially as it is a family party.

Dan_Thunder

Is it a family party though or is it just a case that it's the family that's hosting it?

benood

Oh dear, I think we would have a very important other event to go to if at all possible - one of the children's best friend's birthday parties (he/she'll be so devastated...etc).

If that's not possible I'd try to cough up rather than get out of paying as they might start carping behind your back. It's a shame when you're expected to just pay up but that's life, think yourself lucky, we're stumping up £300 + morning suit hire, travel, hotel previous night etc etc to attend a distant cousin's wedding later this autumn :eek: present from ebay methinks

angchris

don`t get yourself into further debt over this, it`s a difficult situation but surely in laws will understand if you say you can`t afford it as not everyone has spare cash so easily to hand. or maybe say you`ll pop over for an hour or so but don`t want anything to eat. i`d be pretty miffed if i was invited to a party and then had to pay for the privilidge aswell.

Lillibet_2

Could one of your children have a "tummy bug" on the day and you have to stay home with them so that just your OH goes?

ailuro2

Is there going to be alcohol involved?

Say you don't allow your kids to attend functions where large amounts of people you don't really kmow will be drinking alcohol.

Or perhaps just tell them you do 'give as you earn' through your wages (they can't prove you don't) to charity already, and you really can't afford any more for charity.
imho it's not very charitable of them to 'force' their family to give if they can't even understand one of their own is pushed financially.

leftieM

It's my OH's dad's side of the family hosting the party. There will be a a lot of people there so I can understand why they don't want to have to organise food etc. They've had parties before but I'd imagine some people end up doing (and spending) loads while others do very little.
Maybe it's not a big deal if I don't go. I won't be missed as such - I'm very much on the outside of the family - but maybe it'll be seen as bad form. I'll test the water on that one.