Will of mother cannot be found

Mazza176

My Mother passed away this week and for the past two years there has been uproar with the family due to the fact that one of my Brother's and my Step-Sister found out that my Mother had lent me money before she became ill and they have more or less accused me of taking her money without her knowledge.

Due to the circumstances, my Brother took over looking after her financial situation and we have not spoke since. However, some 12 years ago, my Mother made a Will, with the help of my Step-Sister (not official, but one which you can buy and write out yourself). She asked my eldest Son if he would agree to be Executor and he agreed.

Now that the funeral arrangements etc are being made (without any input from myself) there is no evidence of the Will and apparently my Step-Sister has denied all knowledge of it ever being made. I belive that my Brother has had Power of Attorny over Mother's affairs but my Son is now very upset that he will not be able to carry out his Grandmother's wishes.

Any advice on this situation would be much appreciated.

troubleinparadise

Dear Mazza176, I'm sorry to hear about the sad loss of your mother.

If there is no will, then your mother will be viewed as having died Intestate. There are rules about what will happen to her Estate:

https://www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance/if-the-person-didnt-leave-a-will

Proving that a will existed sounds as though it may be difficult, even if you knew of it - but equally creates a situation of distrust with your brother & step-sister if you and your son knew of its existence previously. On the other hand, your mother may have disposed of it herself, of course.

The Power of Attorney your brother had for your mother's affairs ceases at the point of her death, so he cannot use it any longer. It may be that he applies to manage her estate as he has been handling her financial affairs, and that would be logical.

The loan you had from your mum, although not officially down on a signed piece of paper (that you have written of), you have admitted to, and it may be that it is regarded as a debt to the estate which needs to be repaid; or it may be that it is deducted from any inheritance that you may be due according to the rules of intestacy.

getmore4less

Did the son see the will.

Who were the witnesses can they be contacted.

it may have been storred at solicitors.

Do people know what was in it.

in the absence of a will and spouse then the children(you and siblings) are first in line to admin the estate.

you may need to contact the probate office if thebrother is trying to do this on his own without your concent.

one key issue will be the money you got was it a loan or a gift, how much and when may impact the estate value.

Mazza176

Thank you for your reply - my Son has never seen the Will but he did speak to his Gradmother via a phone call when she was going to arrange it all, to say that he agreed to be executor. As far as we can remember, it was my Step-Sister who wrote the will out but she has said that she knows nothing about it.

Even though my Mother didn't ask for any of the money she lent me to be repaid I have paid some of it back into an account which my Brother had set up for her whilst she was in care. I have said that any part of my share of any other money she has left should have the balance outstanding deducted.

It is all such a strain and I am being left out of the funeral arrangements - maybe because I am the youngest of them all, I don't know.

troubleinparadise

Sadly money issues do make for difficult family relations all too often, as you are experiencing.

It may well be that if you clear this "debt" to your mum (however it is achieved) at least you will know that you have done the morally right thing, and you can have a clear conscience with regard to all of this; that might help heal the rift a bit, although not always.

Have you actually asked to have any input in the funeral arrangements? Sometimes it can be that those who normally do all the organising just carry on as usual, without realising that someone else might like to be part of the decision making process, rather than deliberately excluding. Or of course it can just be another power game.... If you feel strongly, try asking if you feel you can.

Mazza176

Thanks, I did ask if there was anything I could do but apparently there wasn't. What has upset me is that I have now been informed that there is going to be a meeting with the person who is going to carry out the funeral so that she can find out about Mother - I am not included in this meeting due to the family not speaking to me but I wasn't asked to contribute anything. Also, music has been chosen by the other members of the family, again without asking me and I know that what they have chosen would not be what Mother wanted.

It is so awful having to go through all of this, luckliy I have an understanding boss who said I can stay off work as long as I need to.

Mojisola

Mazza176 wrote: »

Thanks, I did ask if there was anything I could do but apparently there wasn't. What has upset me is that I have now been informed that there is going to be a meeting with the person who is going to carry out the funeral so that she can find out about Mother - I am not included in this meeting due to the family not speaking to me but I wasn't asked to contribute anything. Also, music has been chosen by the other members of the family, again without asking me and I know that what they have chosen would not be what Mother wanted.

It's so sad when families can't work together after a death.

Try to put all this to one side in your mind. Think of the funeral as their way of saying goodbye to your mother.

You can plan something that's personal to you. Did your mother have a favourite place that you could visit? Could you arrange a small gathering of supportive people to have your own ceremony - plant some flowers that she loved, light candles, share your own memories?

Don't dwell on the negatives. Coping with grief is hard enough as it is - try to do something positive for yourself.

runninglea

Hi
Was the money that your mother gave you a loan or was it a gift?

Have you got the money to pay back the estate, if so is it best to pay it back and stop every accusing you

madbadrob

As things stand the OP's mother died intestate and as others have said the rules of intestacy are such that you or your brother or both can administer the estate. What is interesting here is that if the step sister thought you were all getting more than her so she has 'lost' the will she is doing herself out of anything. The rules of intestacy state that if the step sibling was never officially adopted into the family then she has no claim on the estate. If the mother had no surviving spouse then the full blood children are entitled to share equally the whole estate. In this case there is no need to continue with the lines of entitlement.

With regards to the loan as there was nothing in writing then legally it would constitute a gift and not subject to being paid back to the estate however this is complicated because by paying some back you have made it clear it was a loan and therefore the brother could have you forced to pay it back or have your share reduced by the outstanding amount.

The question left unasked but which is important, what is the estates approx value?

Rob

Mazza176

I am not sure of an exact amount but it will be no more than £10k. My Mother told me there was no need for me to pay the money back and that she wanted me to have it whilst she was "still here". However, I have been under so much pressure from my Brother and Step-sister to repay it and did attempt to pay some of it back.

Mother gave all of the family "gifts" of money from time to time as she always got pleasure in being able to do this and constantly reminded us all that she would rather we have it while she was still with us all.

bylromarha

Just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

Excellent advise on this thread - everyone goes into coping mode when a death occurs and it sounds like your family are going into their own coping mode by excluding you.

If there is no will, and no husband, you and your brother are next of kin, so you 2 will share what is in the estate at the time of death. Whether your brother and step sister like it or not.