Should ex pay me child maintenance?

FBaby

You might be entitled if you were to go via the csa but do you really think he should pay? And if so why? The fact that you have chosen to be a SAHM isn't anything to do with him. Why should he subsidise your lifestyle?

I think at best, if you are able to communicate harmoniously and he is generous with his money, maybe you could see whether he would be prepared to pay more towards joint costs, such as out of school classes, school trips, clothing. However, expecting him to give YOU money to dispose as you wish is im my mind morally wrong when you have equal share of residency.

lovenstuff

thanks for your replies....
we pretty much share things ie as we have her half the time we both have uniforms at each house, (to avoid her lugging things back and forward) and if the school clubs that need paying are on my week I pay and if on his week he pays etc.
I am only at SAHM at the moment because I had to leave my job due to redundancy. I am job hunting but my previous salery was only 16k which is alot lower than his.
I agree that probably morally I shouldn't ask for anything - most of your views confirm this. The only niggle I have is that I was a SAHM for 1.5 years when she was born and then went back to work part time. His job took him away travelling around the country alot so I was unable to persue the course I wanted to do after university because there would have been no-one to look after our DD and he was the main breadwinner so it was more important that he progressed in his career. So I suppose I supported his career progression at the expense of mine which enabled him to be on the salary he is now whereas I have to start from scratch again.
We do have a good relationship now, however he can be difficult at times hence why I thought I was use you guys as a sounding board. Really wasn't sure if I should morally/legally bring it up with him...

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fannyanna

lovenstuff wrote: »

The only niggle I have is that I was a SAHM for 1.5 years when she was born and then went back to work part time. His job took him away travelling around the country alot so I was unable to persue the course I wanted to do after university because there would have been no-one to look after our DD and he was the main breadwinner so it was more important that he progressed in his career. So I suppose I supported his career progression at the expense of mine which enabled him to be on the salary he is now whereas I have to start from scratch again.

I can empathise with your point however an alternative view is that you could have arranged childcare for your child so that you could both pursue your career. I'm guessing a big deciding factor behind your becoming a SAHM was because you wanted to.

I'm not 100% sure of the technicalities of claiming child support where care is 50/50. I would imagine that you could both claim from each other. If you really want child maintenance you could probably do it.

But it sounds as though you've both worked out a good solution to co-parenting and you’d need to think about whether you’re happy with the current situation or if you’re prepared to rock the boat and deal with potential consequences.

FBaby

I think pursuing the route of having spring him in his career will take you very far especially if it was only for 18 months. You can't make assumptions with certainty that had he not have that job you would have been able to study and that would have guaranteed you a better paid job.

If you've been made redundant and are looking for another job can't you try to come to an agreement that until you do he provides more towards joint costs?

kevin137

Legally you could claim through the CSA at 15% of his gross income with a reduction of 3/7th's for overnight stay at his as they cannot do 3.5/7th's for some strange reason...

this is a moral issue though as if he has half the time, and clearly by what you said pays for half the stuff and other bits, then i think why rock the boat, and let's be honest, who claims the CB and WTC and CTC on this...???

i am guessing not him, so you are already receiving extra money at the expense of the tax payer for the child... and he could quite easily scupper this by putting in the same claim even though not entitled thus meaning you could financially be worse off... Not that it would happen, i'm just saying...

Also bear in mind, that you may be eligible in the current system, but shared car in the new system which is a year away for all means you would not be eligible. So you would of upset the situation and for what...???

Personally, i would maybe ask for a little more in terms of helping with clothing etc to balance things out slightly more, but even that is maybe expecting a little much if he truly does pay half already...

guruchelles

lovenstuff wrote: »

I am only at SAHM at the moment because I had to leave my job due to redundancy. I am job hunting but my previous salery was only 16k which is alot lower than his.
I agree that probably morally I shouldn't ask for anything - most of your views confirm this. The only niggle I have is that I was a SAHM for 1.5 years when she was born and then went back to work part time. His job took him away travelling around the country alot so I was unable to persue the course I wanted to do after university because there would have been no-one to look after our DD and he was the main breadwinner so it was more important that he progressed in his career. So I suppose I supported his career progression at the expense of mine which enabled him to be on the salary he is now whereas I have to start from scratch again.
...

This.

When a child is born it's not just a case of posting them into childcare. The OP lost 1.5 years of her career progression potential, and then further time after that because she was only able to go back to work part time. This is what happens to (largely) women up and down the country every day. It's disingenuous to simply say 'it's your choice to be a stay at home Mum'.

Of course she enabled her ex to be able to earn his current salary...and why wouldn't he want the child to benefit from that level of salary more than 50% of the time?

clearingout

you can claim child maintenance through the CSA and you more than likely receive something with the figures you have given - you should be able to find a calculator on the directgov website.

I went through a period of shared care with my ex and the discrepancies between our salaries is huge. As such, I don't believe that it's necessarily the case that a higher earner shouldn't pay just because a shared care arrangement in place. However, in claiming maintenance and involving the CSA, you have to realise that you will more than likely lose any good will on the part of your ex and you may also find that he stops paying things he currently pays. Potentially you could actually be worse off.

You ask him for the figure the CSA calculator states as an interim measure whilst you look for work? this might stop any disadvantage your child would have whilst living with you till you get back on your feet?

Flyboy152

lovenstuff wrote: »

Just wondering about your thoughts on this. I spilt with my ex over 2 years ago and we have a daughter together aged 6.
We spilt custody 50/50 (I have her for a week and he has her for a week)
When we originally spilt it was going to be 4 days with me and 3 with him but we decided this would work better in the long run. He has a good job - earns about 50k and I am currently a SAHM. He didn't pay me maintenance at the beginning because he was paying the finance on my car that we had bought 3 years previously at £150 per month. However this ended in March 2012. I have not asked for any maintenace since then as I am not sure I am entitled to anything because he has her exactly half the time. Should he still be giving me something or because he has her half the time does it work out as even?
Any thought/advice welcome...

Who gets the child benefit and tax credits?

lovenstuff

I get the child benefit and tax credits. However his salary is too high to be able to claim them anyway so it would be pointless him trying to claim.
I think I will leave it as we do have a good relationship at the moment and I can't be bothered with causing any problems. It was my general view that it is probably fair how it is - my time now I suppose to advance my career and earn some more £££