Am I a witch?

bylromarha

If you are in Uganda, then I think it puts a different spin on things for the holiday.

From his perspective:- Whoop! A friend is flying all the way from UK and is coming to see me. I want to spend good memorable times with them. I don't have the cash to do it, but we have the cash in the household. We're a partnership, I'm managing the money we have well, we can afford to make these memories happen with my friend. Partner has only met friend once - I know how she is about money and wasteful spending - she'll probably think that its pointless her going as its a waste of money and she's been there before.

***Mid "Why on earth are you spending my money on this holiday?" conversation thoughts of OH***

Oops - got that a bit wrong, seems she wanted to come after all. Invite her, INVITE HER. Nooooooooo - wrong thing to say again.

Likely scenario OP?

I've never had much money either - we use our savings every now and then to make memories happen as money is for living life as well as saving for a rainy day.

Nottoobadyet

Thanks for the responses everyone - really glad to get a variety of opinions. I think Mojisola hit it on the head that its not so much about the money, more about the decision being taken without me and feeling under appreciated.

We had a talk about it the other night and I think we understand each other. He assumed that the invitation for me to come was implicit (why wouldn't he want me there?) so only thought to make it once I was annoyed. However the dates are such that I wont be able to go with them since it clashes with work. He's suggested we go ourselves this weekend, but I know it wont work because he has too much on at work to take two weekends off in a month.

I realize that I also hadnt been very good at communicating what is an ok expense right now and what isnt - I obviously dont want him to feel like he has to come begging if he is going to the cinema or the supermarket, so it was a bit unreasonable of me to flip out over this with no warning.

So its not entirely settled but I see where he was coming from. I've been having a bad bout of depression over the last few days and he's been a star on being there for me and keeping my spirits up, so he's a good'un.

Teeniepops

I agree that it's not a money thing but a respect (for lack if a better word) thing.

I'd be annoyed if my OH did this whilst 1) I was paying his share of bills etc and 2) I had cancelled plans to see my family to save money due to the situation snd wanting to save money.

He probably just didn't connect the dots here. He sounds like a nice enough fella and you're clearly very happy. Sometimes we take for granted aspects of our partner/ relationship and it sounds a likely scenario here.

It sounds like you have a good, honest relationship so I imagine you'll resolve this quickly enough in a way that suits.

If this attitude continues however, I may be more concerned

Nottoobadyet

sooty&sweep wrote: »

I'm a little concerned that it's your top priority and you are letting it stop you enjoying your life.

I hear you! I am working on this, and am in fact planning several big trips for later this year, both within Uganda and abroad. Difference (to me, at least) is that its my own money which Im spending, not someone else's.

Mojisola

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

He assumed that the invitation for me to come was implicit (why wouldn't he want me there?) so only thought to make it once I was annoyed.

However the dates are such that I wont be able to go with them since it clashes with work.

So its not entirely settled but I see where he was coming from. I've been having a bad bout of depression over the last few days and he's been a star on being there for me and keeping my spirits up, so he's a good'un.

Assuming you would know he expected you to go along is one thing. Not bothering to check whether you were able to get the time off work is another!

Glad he's supporting you now. Keep talking so that misunderstandings don't keep happening.

balletshoes

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think it's entirely a money problem, although that would annoy me as well.

He's never made the effort to arrange something for you as a couple yet he has for an old friend.

You've tried to tell him that it's upset you and he's brushing off your feelings as not being valid.

I would be reassessing the relationship.

yes, this. But as he's not prepared to feel bad about treating his friend on her visit to you, I think you'd be better discussing this with him, calmly (hopefully for both of you) after the visit has taken place. Maybe it just never occurred to him that a cheap trip away from home for both of you, a change of scenery, would be something you'd really like to do with him? Maybe he's taking you a little for granted - that can happen in relationships where you live together, so thats what I'd be focusing on.

view

What is annoying you the most, take a minute to think about it..

A... the money he's using

B... the fact he's going away with a friend

(female/male as you say you're not worried about infidelity)

C.. you were asked as an afterthought

Once you know what you're most annoyed about, (leaning towards A here?)you'll know how to tackle this appropriately.

You don't need to answer here, just something to think on.

What I would say is that you really really know the value of moneyand there is absolutely nothing in this wide world wrong with that. Money isthe cause of all manner of disagreements, hurt feelings, anger, resentment etc.. etc..so if you are really just upset about £100 then maybe it is more about your relationship and the way you handle money as a couple.

I know you have done a lot to help him outand that's a loving partner thing to do (I take it that was your decision),however, he, like you, are entitled to some R&R at some stage.

If it was a weekend getaway that he had planned for you and him as asurprise and was going to spend £100 would you have felt the same?

What I'm trying to get at here is what is the route cause of your annoyance.

Just putting it out there, maybe he feels a little insecure and beingcontrolled by money. I am in no way saying that is your fault!! Just maybe heis feeling this...