Jury duty in 3 days - anxiety issues

dandy-candy

I've had two breakdowns in the past (2004 and 2011) and had to be on medication and regular counselling. Last Nov, the day after my FIL died, I came home and found a jury summons. I was still seeing my counsellor at the time so I told her about it and she said she thought it would be good for me to do it. I'm not currently on medication, so didn't have a valid excuse to pull out, although I could very easily have asked the Dr to put me back on them as she knows how fragile I am. I didn't do this because talking to my counsellor we saw this as an opportunity to stretch myself and prove I can do it. She says if i never try new things then i will be living in ever decreasing circles and tbh this is true. I'm a housewife and only leave the house to food shop or collect DD from the station.
Anyway, I wrote back accepting and everyone I have mentioned it to says how great it will be for me, take a book etc. I had actually started looking forward to it and in a silly way its given me a bit of kudos (even tho I can't talk about the case!)
Then last week we all came down with flu and DS2 got that Novovirus. I have hardly slept and been washing and bleaching everything to the point of exhaustion. At 4am this morning I had a funny turn when I got up for the loo, I suddenly get a searing pain like and electric shock running through my body that sends me to the floor. I've had this before and it was previously from getting anaemic and anxiety.
This morning I went to the Dr (not my usual one) and he said its just this flu going around. I didn't tell him about my jury duty or ask for a certificate because I wanted to prove to myself I could go through with it. This afternoon I was feeling stressed so rang the court saying I had flu and what if i'm ill still? They said to ring Monday and i should have got a certificate.
Now i'm having a panic at home, I can't eat and feel stressed. I so want to be able to face my demons and do this jury duty, but i'm getting very very stressed and tearful. I don't want to tell DH how i'm feeling (he thinks its just flu) because hes really proud of me doing this and has been telling all his customers it. My kids have told there mates and think its so cool. I don't want to let them or myself down but don't know how to cope. What can I do?

belfastgirl23

Oh I so know how you feel. Have been there and done that, many times over. Personally I think you have to go for it. The ever decreasing circles is a really nice way to put what I was doing to myself. The only way to stop feeling this panic/fear is to feel it and do what you're doing anyway. I would recommend Rescue Remedy sweets, they have made a huge difference to me.

The other thing that helped me was to picture how pleased with myself I would be afterwards compared with how disappointed with myself I would be if I didn't do it.

You could also try to pick up a self confidence hypnosis CD or podcast - sometimes it even helps to know you've done something.

I'm now pretty much anxiety free but I've achieved this by putting myself into these types of situations and moving forward. The interesting thing is that I can now admit to people that I had anxiety issues (I really couldn't when I had them!) and it is amazing how many other people have also suffered. I'd put money you won't be the only one there feeling like you do. Watch out for someone else who is nervous and see if you can put them at ease!

And don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back. What you are doing is NOT easy. It's really really hard. And you should be very very proud of yourself for feeling like this and not having looked for an escape route.

miduck

I think you should go. If you are ill, then you can advise the jury officer and you will be allowed to leave. At the moment it really sounds like you are trying to find a reason not to go.

Be careful telling them you have flu - influenza would make you incapable of doing anything - washing, cleaning up, even posting on here. If you have a virus, say that, exaggerating things will do you no favours - you can imagine how many people ring up saying the same thing!

dandy-candy

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Oh I so know how you feel. Have been there and done that, many times over. Personally I think you have to go for it. The ever decreasing circles is a really nice way to put what I was doing to myself. The only way to stop feeling this panic/fear is to feel it and do what you're doing anyway. I would recommend Rescue Remedy sweets, they have made a huge difference to me.

The other thing that helped me was to picture how pleased with myself I would be afterwards compared with how disappointed with myself I would be if I didn't do it.

You could also try to pick up a self confidence hypnosis CD or podcast - sometimes it even helps to know you've done something.

I'm now pretty much anxiety free but I've achieved this by putting myself into these types of situations and moving forward. The interesting thing is that I can now admit to people that I had anxiety issues (I really couldn't when I had them!) and it is amazing how many other people have also suffered. I'd put money you won't be the only one there feeling like you do. Watch out for someone else who is nervous and see if you can put them at ease!

And don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back. What you are doing is NOT easy. It's really really hard. And you should be very very proud of yourself for feeling like this and not having looked for an escape route.

Thank you so much for this message and being so understanding. I really want to do and prove to myself I can cope. I will buy some of the pastilles to try and I have a roll on essential oil for stress relief that helps. I'm scared in case we have a distressing case (its a crown court) but my counsellor had said I can mention this to the court and they might be able to steer me away from anything I would find really distressing (ie. involving children). Thank you again.

dandy-candy

miduck wrote: »

I think you should go. If you are ill, then you can advise the jury officer and you will be allowed to leave. At the moment it really sounds like you are trying to find a reason not to go.

Be careful telling them you have flu - influenza would make you incapable of doing anything - washing, cleaning up, even posting on here. If you have a virus, say that, exaggerating things will do you no favours - you can imagine how many people ring up saying the same thing!

Yes I am better than before, no fever anymore just exhausted and dry cough. The Dr said it was probably the flu that everyone seems to have at the mo. I can't remember tbh if I said Flu or cold on the phone to the court, but I will take my cough medicine with me. My anxiety definately makes me feel worse (headaches, nausea, racing heart) which makes it difficult to tell if its the cold or anxiety kicking in, but the fact that i'm stressing the near I get to the court date makes me realise the anxiety is the major thing here. I really want to beat this fear and prove I can get back out there and do normal things. I'm just struggling right now. Thanks for replying

dancingfairy

I' just wondering if there's anything specific you areworried about? Parking? time off work? being upset? not knowing the asnwer(s) about whether they areguilty or not?
I'd use this oppotunity to think how far you've come recently, about awkward/scary things you've faced and how you can now cope with them.
It might also be worth having a 'dry run'. ie doing the drive,working out where to park etc. I'd also try and visualise yourself on theday, feeling a little aprehensive and nervous but confident you'll cope etc.
Do you know anybody whos done jury service before that can tell you what it's like (rather than the specifics of any case)?
I would imagine that it's probably not like anything you've seen on the tv and actually will involve a lot of sitting and waiting around, lots of dull evidence etc. I can't think it will be a particularly 'fun' experience but think what things you'll beable to take from it ie a new found confidence, maybe meeting some nice new people, getting paid to do something different, an insight into the justice system and of course, knowing that you played a part in justice, either making surethe right person is convicted or not. Do not worry about convicting an innocent person as no doubt there will be lots of evidence, dna evidence and there will be quite a few of you there so it is likely between you you will all get a gut feeling.
df

dancingfairy

I'd also try rescue remedy which I've found really helpful, try and be kind to yourself and rest if you're getting over the flu and also try and eat sensibly, get sleep etc.
df

dandy-candy

dancingfairy wrote: »

I' just wondering if there's anything specific you areworried about? Parking? time off work? being upset? not knowing the asnwer(s) about whether they areguilty or not?
I'd use this oppotunity to think how far you've come recently, about awkward/scary things you've faced and how you can now cope with them.

When I first got the letter I started worrying about what if we found someone guilty and their angry relatives followed us out of court. I have to stand at the bus stop opposite in the dark! Loads of things stress me, what if I keep needing the loo, what if i start to cry over evidence or have a panic attack. It sounds daft and other people say i'm being silly, but there random things pop into my head. Another is that often I say things i'm thinking out loud when i'm alone, what if I forget myself and do that in court!
I also get nervous when people listen to my opinion and I just mumble and trail off. I'm not used to being in social situations. Sorry this all sounds like a long moan, i'm just a bit panicky. I really am in my comfort zone at home away from the world when I get like this but i know thats a bad way to be. I need to push myself to get over this.

travelgran

'Do not worry about convicting an innocent person as no doubt there will be lots of evidence, dna evidence and there will be quite a few of you there so it is likely between you you will all get a gut feeling.'

I thought the point of considering evidence was that you didn't go on a 'gut feeling'. I do agree that it's a shared responsibility so good luck Dandy-candy

skateykatey

I've done jury duty before and can confirm that the clerks of the court have dealt with all sorts of situations before so don't feel that you're the only person who has felt nervous, for want of a better expression.

All cases are at the Crown Court (my case was GBH with intent) and it was really interesting...when you were called. The hardest thing is the boredom if you're not called for a case, you can't leave the building whenever you want so make sure to take something with you to distract you such as a book/magazine etc.

I'm sure that there was a child abuse case going on whilst I was there and someone said that they would not be able to remain impartial so they were excused.

The vast majority of cases are of the GBH type though.

it's easy for me to say, but do try to make it, you will feel so much better after the event.

Goldiegirl

My husband did jury service a few years ago.

He found it to be a very interesting experience. It was all very well organised.

On arrival on the first day at the Court, he was directed to the jury room. They checked him in, and told him what court he was allocated to. He then waited to be called, and the jurors are ushered to and from the court. They have their own canteen for lunch.

The case that my husband's jury heard was a big fraud case. It went on for a couple of months, so they asked the jurors at the beginning whether they could be off work for that length of time. My husband could, and he found the experience fascinating. They jury were able to take notes to refer back to. There's all sorts of people on the jury, and they work as a team, so you don't feel solely responsible for the outcome of the case.

The jury bonded as a group as they were together for so long. The case was interesting, and there were even moments of humour in the court.

It was a positive experience for my husband.

I think you'll be pleased with yourselves when you've done it. Let us know how you get on - we don't need details of the case, you'll be told you can't discuss it