NRP: No outgoings or savings?

Anneliese13

My ex is outraged that he is having to pay £5 p.w from his benefits towards his three children. My DD is the youngest at seven years old, the award has only just been set up and I really can't understand his anger.

He has been living with his mother since we split up and has been working on and off for years with no food bills / rent / utilities to pay. Would it not have been sensible to put something aside over the years? When I was on I.S, if something needed paying, I would cover it even if it was a question of five pounds each week towards Christmas, or the cost of new school uniform in September. Similarly, even though my rent was paid, I realised that my income was NOT *my* pocket money and had to cover our expenses.

I can totally understand NRPs not paying the PWC directly, and I do feel for the people who have tried to do the right thing only to discover that the PWC denies all knowledge of the payments thus getting unfair arrears when CSA becomes involved. That is shocking. What I don't get, is people who have nobody but themselves to support who claim not to be able to afford £5 each week, or 15% of a salary. My tax credit allowance for DD was much more than that compared to what *I* had to live on.

My BIL has let a CSA thing go on for years now and they have finally caught up with him, leaving my sister and her two children together in hardship because they are quite rightly asking for arrears. On one hand I'm furious on her behalf, but on the other I can't help thinking what an idiot he has been not to have saved anything.

My best friend's GF left with their child when he was a few months old, and the very first thing he did was contact the CSA, saving a certain amount while it was all being sorted out.

Obviously I'm not exactly asking for advice and I hope that it is O.K to put this up for discussion on the board without attracting nasty comments. I just wonder why so many people regard child support as less important as any other financial responsibility. There are many NRPs here who are really struggling with CSA mix ups and access problems as well as PWC in severe difficulty. We know it isn't right, so - are there any instances in which the behaviour of people who have a child and then just hope that it will all go away can be justified?

mrsspendalot

My ex saw the maintenance he paid for his daughter as a payment to me, and I think this can be the crux of the problem for a lot of people.

okra

I think that the problem in a lot of cases is that 15% can be a lot of money. If you are on a low wage, then considering that the cost of living is high at the moment 15% or even £5 might be the difference between paying the rent or not. If you are on a high wage, it might seem unfair to pay 15% when that equates to an amount which is more than it reasonably costs to keep a child.

I admit that the amount my ex pays is more than his half of what it costs me to support our child. In an ideal world, we would set up a private arrangement and reduce his payments to reflect that. The fact that we are estranged, and the fact that he has a second PWC claiming through the CSA means that this isn't possible, though. I can understand his unhappiness, to be honest.

mrsspendalot

I agree okra.

janiegs

I guess it also depends on how well some people have been stitched up at the point the relationship breaks down. I'm not saying this has happened in your case of course, but I could easily understand how someone who has left the family home with a handful of possessions in a binbag could become bitter....

gypsyjanet

I agree with you too. I cannot get my head around how some people can just cut their children out of their minds as well as their lives.
When someone can actually afford to pay a parent maintenance and chooses not to leaves no words in my mouth .

TheWaltons_3

okra wrote: »

I think that the problem in a lot of cases is that 15% can be a lot of money. If you are on a low wage, then considering that the cost of living is high at the moment 15% or even £5 might be the difference between paying the rent or not. If you are on a high wage, it might seem unfair to pay 15% when that equates to an amount which is more than it reasonably costs to keep a child.

I admit that the amount my ex pays is more than his half of what it costs me to support our child. In an ideal world, we would set up a private arrangement and reduce his payments to reflect that. The fact that we are estranged, and the fact that he has a second PWC claiming through the CSA means that this isn't possible, though. I can understand his unhappiness, to be honest.

It is refreshing to see a PWC who is not jumping with glee over the amount they are receiving from their ex... and someone who agrees that a high amount does not reflect the costs in bringing up a child!!!

You sound really level headed, however, as you rightly said.. if you came to a private agreement... the CSA would screw him down for more money for the other PWC.

Anneliese13

janiegs, how spooky! My ex did leave my house with possessions in bin bags! Six or seven of them. Of course, he only had half a bin bags's worth when he moved in, so he did alright really for the few weeks work he managed in the two years I worked full time, paid a childminder and taxi fares despite buying a car for him to drive and doing all the baby pre / post work care and night shifts too.

I'm not bitter... :-P

Seriously though, people have raised some good points on this thread. I think it comes down to the wrong people getting screwed over every time!

kelloggs36

The amount of money is irrelevant. The legal limit has been set, like it or not, but I just want justice to prevail so that each parent who has to maintain their child pays a fair amount. I actually asked my ex for half the amount set by the CSA, but he refused as he wants to pay nothing. There was no option but to turn to the CSA as I believe it is his moral duty if nothing else, to maintain his child, so if the law must force him to, then so be it. At the end of the day, he was given an opportunity to be totally fair, but he chose not to. I have no sympathy for people like him (though that is not to say that this situation applies to all NRPs, it clearly doesn't).

chickalittle

mrsspendalot wrote: »

My ex saw the maintenance he paid for his daughter as a payment to me, and I think this can be the crux of the problem for a lot of people.

I think this is very true in a lot of cases. My ex doesn't pay any child support but does put some "pocket money" in the kids account - which is very nice for them and obviously makes hiim look good too - but it doesn't help me with the day to day living costs of raising them.

Whilst some parents might think that;s a good alternative, what happened to my eldest was that he was self destructing and used that money to feed his alcohol and drug usage. My ex refused my requests not to put money into his account even though his other children (and me) had to suffer the consequences. It was an awful period for us where our safety was at risk at times. But whilst he was getting money ad-lib off his dad - there was nothing I could do about what he spent it on. If my ex paid child support to me, then I could have used the money on clothes/activities and things the kids needed rather then drugs and booze.

gypsyjanet

My NRP stopped paying his 13 year old daughter £2.00 per week pocket money when I applied for child support.
He, however still spends over £100.00 per week on beer and bacci alone just for himself!!!
I wish someone could explain to me how a human being can be so mean to their offspring?