How to help my moneyspendingexpert brother?

Student_of_£

How can I help my spendthrift brother?
My brother and I are fairly close be we are each other's opposites, and although I have had problems with money I have learnt from my mistakes, he hasn't! (or won't)

Last summer my brother (lives and works in spain) came home for 5 days and blew a whole months salary! When we go to spain (I went for a long holiday) he is moving flat and asks to borrow money... I ended up loaning him £940 for his agency fees (which he wasn't aware of?! and first month's rent)
My brother is too generous, I've seen with my own eyes how he will pay for people's drinks and he has tabs at various bars he frequents. I asked for money for this christmas, he has spent it and now needs me to loan (read give) him money.
Therefore at the end of the month, he comes to me saying how he can't eat as he doesn't have anough money (poor him!)

My brother does give me money as I am a student and I can't fault him in that respect and he does also pay for my drinks when we go out, but I end up paying at the end of the month!!

I have given my brother tips on how to manage his money better but it's like talking to a brick wall! Today he was moaning about how little money he has left, but as he's drank most of it away it's "money well spent!"

How can I help my brother? I was thinking of suggesting the 50/30/20 budget or a variation thereof? He's soon to be 28 and he earns ~£19,200 p.a. whereas I'm 22, take £7,000 in student loans and bursary, manage to save a fair portion of that, and it's him who needs to borrow off me!

Sorry for the long post!

whitewing

You can probably help him best by saying 'no' and letting him hit rock bottom.

I now need to follow my own advice.

londonsurrey

I agree with WhiteWing.

And your brother isn't being generous per se. He's effectively being generous with your money. Poncing off your poorer younger sibling to play the big man at the bar isn't big and isn't clever.

He doesn't need to borrow off you.
He's choosing to borrow off you (is he borrowing and paying back, or just taking and calling it borrowing?)

He needs to curb his spending or end up in trouble. If he's short of food, he can go round those people he's been so generous to.

You need to decide whether to subsidise him and encourage him to continue spending like this, or to start looking after yourself and encouraging him to stop being a ponce.

Student_of_£

I agree with you both! When I was younger he used to ask for money and not pay me back but now he pays me £200 a month but then might ask for £50 or so.
What I plan to do is to sit him down and do a budget with him, which will no doubt cause a fuss, but I think it's necessary!
I can't believe how stupid he can be with money!!

Saturnalia

Tell him you're skint and need to manage your money better, and sit down and work on your budget and his with him, so he can see how it is done.

Then you have the perfect 'excuse' (not that you need one) to stop lending him money, and it won't come as a complete shock when you say no next time he tries to ask.

And perhaps a mini-lecture on whether his bar-hopping buddies are really friends or just poncing off him? Friends pay their way.

Del_Astra

When he can't eat at the end of the month does he still manage to go out to bars? I notice you say he has tabs at various?

I think he needs a shock and quite frankly if he can go out drinking he can afford to eat. I'd suggest he asks for a tab his local supermarket.

Teeniepops

I agree with the above posts.

The only way he will realise you're not a bank is if you say no. He knows you will say yes so chooses to run himself dry because you help him. How he can see drinking as 'money well spent' then sponge off his student sister is, IMO, rude.

I would suggest saying no. Don't justify yourself - just simply say 'no, I can't afford to'. If he presses or moans hoping you will break - DON'T or he will think 'no' means 'no but if you nag I will say yes'. If you get to the point you need to elaborate, explain how you feel. You don't understand how he can have over twice your annual income and still need you to bail him out and his actions are causing you stress. If he loves you and respects you, he will back off.

Equally, don't borrow off him - cut all financial ties between you and that way, he can't get round it by pointing out/guilting you into it by pointing out when he gave you cash.

You could take the opportunity to ask for your money back when you say 'no' too. 'No, I'm skins myself. I actually need that money back soon as I have bills'.

It will be hard but he doesn't sound responsible and if he doesn't can it he will end up in a bad way.

Mojisola

Student_of_£ wrote: »

My brother does give me money as I am a student and I can't fault him in that respect and he does also pay for my drinks when we go out, but I end up paying at the end of the month!!

No, he doesn't. He lends it to you and then you repay it and more each month!

He's soon to be 28 and he earns ~£19,200 p.a. whereas I'm 22, take £7,000 in student loans and bursary, manage to save a fair portion of that, and it's him who needs to borrow off me!

Imagine if anyone else asked you about this situation - you'd think they were a mug to be subsidising such an irresponsible, uncaring fool.

dawyldthing

I'm a second to suggest keeping all financial ties apart as theres nothing more that breaks up families than money