DS'S uni doubts and attitude - is this typical?

dandy-candy

DS started uni last September doing accountancy. He was a late starter (20) and said he wanted to go because he didn't want to later regret not going, and all his mates loved it.
Now he's there he's saying he doesn't think he likes the subject and might change. He only has 8 hours of class a week, whereas his mates get loads more and tons of work to do in the evenings. He's blowing all his money boozing and barely eating, cba to get a job for his time off so is overdrawn already, moans that his mates don't come out enough because they say they want to work.
He had to do a written piece to be handed in before Xmas break which he did on the very last 2 days and says he didn't think he'd have to write essays in Accountancy and that seems to be a big reason for wanting to change subject.
When I ask what he'd like to switch too he says he doesn't know, maybe psychology. I said that's probably a lot of writing too and he said he wouldn't mind because he finds it interesting. I suggested he get some books and read up, but no he can't be bothered.
All he's done this holiday is sleep until 3pm, then get up and play Xbox or go boozing until 4am.
He's driving me nuts and won't let me finish a sentence or help around the house cos he's "an adult now" and "I can't tell him what to do"
Is this normal with someone new to uni, is he just being a bit wild before settling down? Neither dh or I went so we don't know is wanting to switch course is common. We are paying from our savings what the grants don't cover, and ds is going to be saddled with paying back the government loan. I'm really concerned that he's not taking it seriously and knuckling down. His flat mates are all nice and hard working so I don't think they are a bad influence. I worry about his drinking and not bothering to eat cos he'd rather party.
What can I do? Do I do anything or leave him to sort it out himself?

Mojisola

dandy-candy wrote: »

All he's done this holiday is sleep until 3pm, then get up and play Xbox or go boozing until 4am.

He's driving me nuts and won't let me finish a sentence or help around the house cos he's "an adult now" and "I can't tell him what to do"

Is this normal with someone new to uni, is he just being a bit wild before settling down?

He's just trying it on!

Adults pay their own way, share the household chores and make sensible decisions about their future. If he wants to be treated like an adult, time for him to start acting like one.

olias

Change the locks next time he's away at uni - he's an adult now and can fend for himself.;)

Olias

princeofpounds

No problem with being involved, but you have to do it through advice or encouragement rather than actually forcing things now he is an adult. That doesn't mean you have to treat him softly.

Wanting to switch course is quite common actually, but it depends on the reasons you are doing it! If he hates essays, psychology is NOT the subject for him UNLESS the interest factor is the key problem and he genuinely likes it.

It is also not uncommon for people to have a difficult first year at university, but they need to realise before they head back for their second year (which is often the first year of a new subject) that they need to knuckle down, otherwise they will likely find themselves out of the door. Course heads often put conditions on people wanting to switch courses that they have to at least pass their first year to demonstrate some commitment to study, even if it's a subject they don't like.

As for the rest of his behaviour, you will have to put conditions on your financial support. He will only make hard choices between priorities when he has to.

lowlitmemory

I totally agree that if he is "an adult now" he should be helping out round the house all the more! Adults take responsibility for their living arrangements.

He does sound a little immature if I'm honest. Re: him being a 'late starter', was this due to him taking a gap year? What did he do?

Some young people do go a little 'wild' in their first term at uni and settle down later. It is relatively common to want to switch courses but anyone serious about this will also be serious about doing their research. I have had friends who switched courses and in every case, they were doing double the workload before as they were attending lectures for both subjects to make sure they really wanted to change whilst not disadvantaging themselves if they decided to stay as they were.

I'm not really sure what advice to give I'm afraid. He needs to learn for himself. Perhaps his results for his first essay will either give him a kick up the bum (if they're not good) or if they are good, will persuade him to take a fresh look at the subject?

RAS

OK

A few things to think about.

1. He will only get 4 years funding, full -stop. So if he wants to change course, he has to do this before the start of the 2013 September term, or swap to something suffiiciently closely related to his existing course for which he has completed the pre-requisites ( possibly Accounting and busines say but the tutors will decide if they allow it).

2. It is too late now to change to a completely different subject this year as he has missed too much study in the other subject.

3. If he fails his first year or changes courses, he only has three year's funding left, which is just enough to get him through another degree. So he has to be absolutely sure that he will not change his mind again.

4. If he hates his course, he may fail his first year. On the other hand, post-Christmas is the worst time for students in most subjects jsut becasue everything seems crap, the excitement of Christmas is over and all they have to look forward to are assignments. And he only has to just pass year 1, even at second attempts, not get great marks.

5. Working part-time is normal for students. Encourage him to do this.

6. Some people work steadily and others only work when up against a deadline. Neither is better than the other in terms of outcome.

Hope that helps a bit.

dandy-candy

[QUOTE=lowlitmemory;58458819

He does sound a little immature if I'm honest. Re: him being a 'late starter', was this due to him taking a gap year? What did he do?

[\QUOTE]

He dropped out of school in his 1st year of A levels and did 3 years of AAT qualifications at the local college. The final exam is an accepted entry route for the uni.

It's reassuring to know people do change subject. Tbh I wouldn't mind having to fund the extra year if he will really work and make a career of whatever he chooses. He is actually very smart, but incredibly lazy/laid back.

claire16c

Does he have A levels that would allow him to apply for another subject if he dropped out of school? Psychology is a very competitive course to get onto.

There is no point in spending another 3 years at uni if he really doesnt want to do the subject, especially now with the fees so high.

But he needs to decide if he really wants to be at uni - and not just picking another subject at random for the sake of being there.

RAS

Here is info about his ATT qualification http://www.ucas.com/students/ucas_tariff/tarifftables/

He would usually need a lot more than that to get onto a Psychology degree, so the first thing he needs to do is find out what his current university required for entry to the course. It may be a complete no goer.

devildog

My youngest went to Uni last year and after 4 weeks decided the course wasn't for them. They withdrew, came home, did a bit of work experience and shadowing various professionals(quickly knocking some possible courses on the head so to speak;) ) BUT out of this they found out what they did want to do and went again this September and 2nd time around/with different degree course are absolutely loving it

moromir

I switched courses at the end of my first year at uni, but thats because I was doing a dual-course and I got wind that they were shutting down one of the departments in the next two years - I didn't want to get to year 3 and find they weren't replacing lab equipment etc in that department that I could potentially need for my dissertation. So I completed my degree in just the one subject, but it was one I'd had all the way from the beginning if that makes sense.

So I think it very much depends whether his reasons are 'sensible' ones or not.

Seems odd he doesn't like essays but wants to do psych? Will it still interest him when he's got a 3000 word paper to do every two weeks?

I can't think of a lot of university courses that don't require essay writing in some capacity, university is about being able to show you understand the material and not just repeat it parrot style - I did chemistry and I've written essays on the scientific basis for certain equations!

More over - has he any idea what he would do with a psych degree?

I've got two friends with theology degrees from the University of Essex (a fairly well respected university in that field I understand) who've only just managed to find jobs after two years unemployed... as night shift care home workers.... (SE England)

Accountancy has got to be the better choice career wise unless he has a post-uni plan!