Potty training

mrsmortenharket

Have been trying to toilet train my son for ages.
We have stopped as he isn't ready. Tried again. Stopped.
He is 3.9.
He can hold on for so long. I can't be healthy. He's crying as he needs to go and I've sat him on the potty and the toilet, but he will not go.
He doesn't understand bribery and hates stickers.
It doesn't help that I'm interrupted by a school rum half way through the day and that takes a good hour. So I have to put nappy on or risk a wet car seat.
I don't know if to give up again and try again in the Feb half term. I could just stay in for those 9 days and with no interruptions, hopefully he'd get it.
He starts school in September.
Pre school don't help, I don't think they have the time. I was sending him in with a potty but I don't think they were encouraging him. I was sending him in a pull up at their request. But tbh pull ups are absorbent and too nappy like.

My older 2 were trained just after they turned 3. My daughter was dry through the night quite fast but it did take my son longer to be dry overnight.

I'm at the end of my tether!

He will be in nappies at school...

He has the Pirate Pete potty book and understand what to do.

Any tips? I've tried most things, but there may be some miracle out there!

Thanks

Lisa

Nicki

Does he have any special needs? Speech delay? Sensory issues of any kind? What level is his understanding of spoken word at? How clearly can he express himself?

System

I remember my mum saying that boys are lazy when it comes to toilet training! If you put him on the loo and then try running the tap, would that work, perhaps? You know how when you hear a tap running it can make you want to have a wee. Just a thought.

mrsmortenharket

Nicki he is speech delayed and is under a speech therapist. He doesn't tell me he needs the potty. He just makes a whingy noise.

avogadro I've tried running the tap. He just thinks its time to wash his hands! :rotfl:

Thanks for replying x

sassyblue

mrsmortenharket wrote: »

Nicki he is speech delayed and is under a speech therapist. He doesn't tell me he needs the potty. He just makes a whingy noise.

So he understands and IS telling you in his own way.

You've done the right things by stopping again, he will do it when he is ready but he's started to make the connection. I'd leave the potty out so he can see it and try again in February, and when you put his nappy on for the school run ask him if he wants to go on the potty and then mention the nappy going on for the school run. That way it will reaffirm all the connections of the potty, nappy, etc.

Good luck, just keep trying every few weeks. Mine also decided twice he wasn't going to stay in big boy pants anymore but the third time he stayed dry. xx

mrsmortenharket

Thanks sassyblue

Nicki

Have you spoken to the SLT about potty training? I know it sounds mad but she will probably have an opinion on whether he is ready and how to approach it.

My DS2 had a speech delay and didn't speak until he was nearly 3. He wasn't ready to potty train until he could communicate the need but then he achieved it in under a week. Nursery were happy for him to start in nappies and change him when needed because he was under the SLT so not just a case of lazy parent/child not putting in the work but rather a child with a recognised developmental delay. (Though he actually "got it" the week before he started nursery so the concession wasn't actually needed in the end).

DD wasn't potty trained until she was about 7. She has autism and is still non verbal. We started trying to train her when she was about 4 and she was out of nappies but having dozens of accidents a day every day for 3 years. If the SLT is suggesting your son may have autism or GDD it may well take a long time and lots of patience before he gets it. One problem with people with these conditions is they sometimes genuinely don't recognise the sensation of needing to go, and if this is the case with your child the solution is often to train them to go at set times of day.

Because of the speech delay there should be specialist help out there for you with this and school should be prepared to take him even if he is still in nappies. He will achieve it when he's ready and you shouldn't feel a failure as a parent if that date for him is later than other kids. The important thing is he does get there, and in a healthy way (too much pressure on him could lead to other problems like fecal impaction so ignore any critical friends or family and do it in the best way for him). In the meantime, you may be entitled also to free nappies if he is assessed by a professional not to be ready to start so this is another reason to talk to SLT as it starts getting hard to find big enough nappies when they are delayed to this extent.

freddiesmum09

mrsmortenharket wrote: »

Have been trying to toilet train my son for ages.
We have stopped as he isn't ready. Tried again. Stopped.
He is 3.9.
He can hold on for so long. I can't be healthy. He's crying as he needs to go and I've sat him on the potty and the toilet, but he will not go.
He doesn't understand bribery and hates stickers.
It doesn't help that I'm interrupted by a school rum half way through the day and that takes a good hour. So I have to put nappy on or risk a wet car seat.
I don't know if to give up again and try again in the Feb half term. I could just stay in for those 9 days and with no interruptions, hopefully he'd get it.
He starts school in September.
Pre school don't help, I don't think they have the time. I was sending him in with a potty but I don't think they were encouraging him. I was sending him in a pull up at their request. But tbh pull ups are absorbent and too nappy like.

My older 2 were trained just after they turned 3. My daughter was dry through the night quite fast but it did take my son longer to be dry overnight.

I'm at the end of my tether!

He will be in nappies at school...

He has the Pirate Pete potty book and understand what to do.

Any tips? I've tried most things, but there may be some miracle out there!

Thanks

Lisa

Oh you poor thing, it sounds like your not getting a lot of support.:( Your childs pre-school should be supporting you in potty training, not trying to have the easy option of pull ups! Like you say, doing a number 1 or 2 in a pull up probably feels similiar if not the same as doing it in a nappy!

My DS is 3.5 and only just got the hang of potty training despite probably being ready early enough. I was terrified he'd be the only one in reception still in nappies and was constantly getting the "is he out of nappies" question.

We tried numerous times and just gave up after a day of him wetting/pooing himself and having to spend the whole day cleaning carpets/doing endless washloads. The last (and final time!) we tried was when the pre-school suggested we give it another go. It was just before christmas with that really cold spell, pre school said they were happy for us to send him in pants, so we did, the poor little mite wet himself when he was outside playing, I think it really shook him up but it gave him the wake up call he needed to actually use the toilet when he needed to. I think your own children (maybe especially boys) get very used to us changing them/cleaning up after them so they are not phased by it, whereas wetting yourself in a strange enviroment that isnt a nice warm cosy house, and having someone you aren't so familiar with change you probably isnt so nice and the toilet does seem more appealing!!

I don't suggest you try this, but maybe it will give you some food for thought. I would also ignore the advice about doing it at a quiet time when you are able to be at home, it will be impossible with 2 other children. Go about your normal daily life and dont stress about it too much, he will sense it. If he wets himself, he wets himself, its not the end of the world. I would get a protective mat for the car seat and prepare a bag with 2 changes of clothes etc when you go out places. Also don't avoid going to other peoples houses/soft play, generally when my DS used to wet himself, his pants/trousers would absorb it all and it would never get on the carpet or on anything else.

If that doesn't work i'd have a chat with the health visitor as they usually have some good tips!

Good luck x

freddiesmum09

Sorry just read the rest of the posts about your ds having a speech delay. Sounds like Nicki has some good advice so I hope that helps you and you manage to get it cracked soon.x

squeakysue

Hi, my son was slow to potty train, he was late with speech too but I never connected the two. The best thing I done was just give up for a couple of months and not bother trying till then. When I done it I never used pull ups or nappies except for night times and it took a week or so to get it. I would wait till feb half term if I were you and if unsuccessful wait till Easter hols, it's not worth stressing yourself out over.
My son was my first child so even though it was frustrating I had nothing to compare it to so can understand it must be upsetting when your other two children were not like this but I'm sure he will crack it eventually. You may feel like the only one but I know several children that have started school with toilet issues.

Good luck

amus

I'm not sure whether it would apply to your son with him having speech delay which could perhaps impact on his ability to potty train, but the best advice I ever had was once you start, NEVER put them back in a nappy/pull up (except for bed time of course, or if it is clear they are not ready to start), I was getting nowhere with my sons until I adhered to this.