Why are NI threads always so boring?

IvanOpinion

leftieM wrote: »

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?





He sold his soul to santa

Was he the same chap that ended up worshipping the drivel

ivan

nealnomoney

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
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Angus McCoatup

mrcow

IvanOpinion wrote: »

Was he the same chap that ended up worshipping the drivel

I saw him once, walking into a bra.

absoluteutopia

And this is the worse one yet

Robothell

leftieM wrote: »

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?





He sold his soul to santa

His mate is a dyslexic agnostic.....apparently he doesn't believe in dog.

hamletcigars

Artofdookie wrote: »

I have a bump on my head. It's a little knot or something. It's right smack dab on the very top of my head. It's not attached to my skull and it's only sort of attached to the skin. It's like someone inserted a very small rock between the skin and the bone. Julie likes to find it and move it around and calls it my little horn. She also says it's growing and that I need to see doctor about it. I've been trying to remember what could have caused this and I think I might have figured it out.
Back in the early 90's, I was working for McDuff plant hire and I spent about three months at their yard in Buckna. One day I was given a little project of measuring off the floor in a certain department out in the stores. It was mainly a storage area with big warehouse racks and wooden pallets all over the floor. The plan was that I measure off the area so they can figure out if they had room to expand the machine shop into that area. Well, the beams on the racks are about three or four feet apart. The only exception was the first section of racks on the far left. The first row of beams were missing there and the lowest set of beam was about six feet up. For safety sake, a sign was put up. It was made out of sheet metal about 1/16" thick and was bolted to the beam. It had sharp corners and stuck way down below the bottom of the beam. It said, "Watch Your Head". Now if that ain't safe, I don't know what is.

Anyway, I'm measuring the floor, which means I'm walking around all bent over and going backwards and stuff like that. And when it comes time to stand up, guess what happens. Yep, I stand up right into the corner of that sign. YOUCH!!!! I act cool and all, looking around to see if anyone saw me. No one did. I check my head and sure enough, there's a little blood. I think, "Great, now I'm gonna be on the Charlie Hart sign. What we called the "Chuck Hart" sign was another safety program the company had. It was a oversized drawing of a man that was used to post all the injuries and accidents that occurred at work. The guy looked like an average forty year old man with a slight 1970's look about him. He had brown hair, bangs covering his forehead, and his hair covering most, if not all, of his ears. It just so happened that it looked just like a guy that worked in the Cullybackey yard whose name was Charlie Hart. That's why we all called it the Chuck Hart sign. And like I said, whenever a person got hurt, a big bright star shaped sticker was put on the part of the body that got hurt and said stuff like, John Doe dropped tool box on foot or Joe Blow got hand mashed in machine. Stuff like that, except they used their real names. I guess it encourage people to be safe or else they will look stupid in front of everybody.

Needless to say, I wasn't about to report that. I can see it now, at the very top of the Chuck Hart sign in a bright neon star, "Artofdookie poked hole in head with watch your head sign". So I just act cool and sneak off to the first aid room to treat myself. I walk into the room and all the cabinets are padlocked. I don't believe it! Let's not have emergency medical supplies where we can actually use them when they are needed! Anyway, I just sneak off to the bathroom and treat myself with sink water and toilet paper. This might be how I got that bump on my head. But then again, I might be wrong. Yep its all going on in here.....

A rose of a post amongst all the thorns:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

This thread is great:T :T

nealnomoney

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

IvanOpinion

On a similar vein, as I have explained to the wife as part of her survival training ... if during our holidays we are evr confronted by a wild animal then I only need to out run her .. not the animal In this case it would be known as 'survival of the fattest'

Ivan

leftieM

Your wife is a lucky, lucky girl

IvanOpinion

leftieM wrote: »

Your wife is a lucky, lucky girl

.. and boy does she know it when I unchain her from the kitchen sink

Ivan