Hoarding - A New Start

mcculloch29

Another fantasy/ex me walked out of the door earlier on.
DD, DSiL and family are going to an Eighties themed party later and popped around to collect a few things.
My leather biker jacket that I've owned since 1994 was one, it's been unworn since c. 1998.
Thankfully it fitted DSiL as he has plans to go as The Terminator.

I once nicknamed the jacket 'Arnie', I'd forgotten this, so there was a moment's dumb silence when DD rang up and said 'Mum, can we borrow 'Arnie', please? ... Your leather jacket?'
The penny then dropped. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the Terminator, wore a leather jacket. I had named my similarly styled jacket 'Arnie'.

The eventual grateful response was 'You can HAVE Arnie.'... She is doing ME the favour! I couldn't bring myself to give it to a charity shop but didn't want to keep it either.

I bought 'Arnie', virtually unworn, from someone who bought it to fit in with the biker lifestyle of her sister, B -i-l and friends, and rapidly realised that was a fantasy version of her that didn't exist.
She had a lot more sense than me in disposing of fantasy / ex versions of herself.

Out with 'Arnie' went a pair of smallish size 12/14 leather trousers that I once wore with the jacket.
I have been many sizes since 1998 but not a small 14. All that time spent in storage. My DGD, a tall 11 year old, rather liked the look of them. She also acquired a pair of Primarni as-new winter bootee slippers that I couldn't wear due to my disability. I haven't been able to wear this style for a few years now, so presumably bought them with the ex-me in mind.

Three books for DGD and a pair of compression socks (not a fantasy me, but styled for someone with twigs for legs) also rehomed. 7 items out.

Catriona_P

Well little one enjoyed her birthday party yesterday, and we all enjoyed a bit of cake.

The dreaded visit from the FIL has come today, so for some reason my OH decided that he was 'going to hoover our bedroom'. Me, getting panicky due to state of the floor in there, asked why. He said it needed doing (which it does). So me (getting quickly more stressed) asked why it needed to be done today when the floor isn't clear yet. Cue him then complaining that 'WHEN will it be clear' and 'nothing ever changes' etc etc. One minute he's all supportive, next minute he's acting like my Dad did and quite frankly, being a bit of a ****. I've been stressed ever since that little outburst this morning and it's dragging me down

whitewing

Catriona

I hate housework. I have noticed on this decluttering front that it is worth doing the occasional vacuum or dust or wipe in less-than-perfect situations. Sometimes the physical act of the job itself helps destress, othertimes it does have an effect on the overall look of the place. So I do kind of agree that vaccing three quarters of the bedroom can be better than not yet, even if it seems to mock you not decluttering.

This_Year

Catriona I can understand how you feel. Please don't let it get you down. Some people think permanently getting on to you will make xyz happen - I'm one of those people who if you just let me get on with it, in my own way, it will happen - with bells on. But start nagging and making little buttons about it and I'll dig my heels in and it won't happen. Ever. OH is learning that now

Glad LO enjoyed her birthday, cake is always good.

Garlic is in the freezer now

I'm sort of having a mini-eek moment. We're both selling on ebay and are running out of paper/bubble wrap/tape. So we're pricing it up to get the best price - OH is considering getting 72+ rolls of tape because of the cost but realistically speaking we're going to need 4 maybe 5 in a year. I don't want 72 rolls to come in and lurk in the spare room for ever and a day! :eek:

Scary thought.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It's hard work living with someone who hoards. It really, really puts a lot of strain on anyone who doesn't feel attached to bits of old sock, magazines, cardboard boxes and the like (not saying that is what your room is like, it's an example) to have it all around, with at most the vague promise of 'I will sort it', 'These things take time', 'Stavros (or whatever the bloke's name is) says you mustn't make me do it all quickly', 'It's the worst thing you could ever do to get cross with me, because it's a condition, you know'.

And to him, it probably hasn't changed. He doesn't agonise over every little thing. He doesn't feel terror at the thought of chucking those magazines or odd socks in the bin. He just wants to be able to walk from the door to the bed, around the bed and get in it without breaking a leg.



There is only so much you can take when you are being forced to live in a way that is not hygienic, that is risky, that is chaotic and gives you the impression that the Stuff is more important than you.

He's probably stressed his father was coming and combined with the ongoing stress caused of living day to day amongst mountains of Stuff, it just all came out at once.

That's not behaving like your father. That's being pushed near to breaking point.



Please, calm down, stop ruminating over it and your father's acts. He isn't here now to pick on you. This is your husband, who loves you. And you love him, so think about what he needs to see.

He needs some hope.

whitewing

It occurred to me that it isn't housework I actually hate; it's everydayness.

I am happy to cook, I don't like cooking every day. I don't like every day tasks. I like projects. I like Project Declutter a Desk Drawer, and any cleaning that involves.

Some of my internet shopping turned up and I am very pleased with it, and it was a good saving on full price.

Need to sort out my drawers this weekend.

lostinrates

whitewing wrote: »

It occurred to me that it isn't housework I actually hate; it's everydayness.

I am happy to cook, I don't like cooking every day. I don't like every day tasks. I like projects. I like Project Declutter a Desk Drawer, and any cleaning that involves.

Some of my internet shopping turned up and I am very pleased with it, and it was a good saving on full price.

Need to sort out my drawers this weekend.

I findeverydayness difficult too. Which is a shame as I have a great deal of it and rarely get beyond it.

I think that's why I quite l
I've flylady when I am well...because each day is something different I can kid myself a bit.

blossomhill_2

Catriona_P wrote: »

Well little one enjoyed her birthday party yesterday, and we all enjoyed a bit of cake.

The dreaded visit from the FIL has come today, so for some reason my OH decided that he was 'going to hoover our bedroom'. Me, getting panicky due to state of the floor in there, asked why. He said it needed doing (which it does). So me (getting quickly more stressed) asked why it needed to be done today when the floor isn't clear yet

Hey Catriona, try to just take such offers at face value, he wasn't proving a point or trying to stress you, he was just seeing a task he could achieve and saying that he would do it - just one less thing for you to do - he didn't need "some reason"

I can quite see why it stressed you but it was a normal thing for him to do so try to react normally to it (if it comes up again) and actually build on it (thinks; OH has already vacuumed so that will make it easier for me to do a bit of a tidy-up)

Two is such a lovely age, I am glad the day went well

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

whitewing wrote: »

It occurred to me that it isn't housework I actually hate; it's everydayness.

I am happy to cook, I don't like cooking every day. I don't like every day tasks. I like projects. I like Project Declutter a Desk Drawer, and any cleaning that involves.

Some of my internet shopping turned up and I am very pleased with it, and it was a good saving on full price.

Need to sort out my drawers this weekend.

My vacuum cleaner is going wrong.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

It sounds and smells as though some dust/cat hair has got through the filter into the motor and it's overheating. If it's not that, the brushes have gone. I shall have to take a look at it in daylight tomorrow, as it was too hot to take apart today.

So, as I couldn't vacuum, I've swept everywhere and bleached the kitchen again.

(not panicking yet. But 2 cats and no vacuum = allergy return. And the stair carpet is beginning to resemble the one in my mother's house.)

blossomhill_2

I've been thinking lately about an old drinking buddy of my then-BF and mine - and one day we walked back from the pub via his house and he asked us in while he collected something
The house was quite empty-ish, but every single surface had a sheet of newspaper on it, even on the dishes that were draining
All the windows had newspaper taped onto them. No curtains.
He lived with his old mother. His room had just a bed in it, with just a thin army blanket on it, and a poster on the wall

If you passed a house with newspaper at the windows you wouldn't expect that - you just never know what other people's lives are like by looking in from the outside