Hoarding - A New Start

ChopinonaBudget

Genuine question: where is the line between 'clutterer' and 'hoarder'? I tend to think my ex was a hoarder, but I'm open to suggestions that maybe it wasn't that bad, just massive amounts of clutter?

decogecko

Hello all

Happy new year to one and all.

Welcome to those just starting their dericharding journey, it can be hard at times but well worth it. I had two LBM, the first was why I had richard in the first place, for me personally it has been indecision on what to do with 'things'. I don't want to add to land fill, I've paid good money for this, it may come in handy etc etc were the excuses I used. It was exhausting as I was just going round in circles, getting more down that I had stuff laying about the house, nowhere for it to go and no use to me or I didn't actually like/love the item. The second LBM was when GQ said it was ok to have an empty space, when I'd initially cleared an area, I felt like it was too bare and ummed and arred about what to put there, but as time as gone on I enjoy the empty space, I find it liberating.

I personally have no time for eb*y to sell my things, the thought of it I find too stressful (dealing with non-payers, getting the items to the post office, have I charged the right amount for postage?) so as I can't afford to give a donation to charity I give most of my stuff to a local cancer hospice cs. I also freecycle mainly electrical items, either as fully working or for spares. It amazes me what people will take - I had a lava lamp, colours had faded, bulb had gone (I listed these problems) and it was gone within 24 hours!

Every small step you take in the battle with the richard is a victory in winning the war. If you go out and don't buy something that too is a victory (and very MSE!).

Deco x

lostinrates

ChopinonaBudget wrote: »

Genuine question: where is the line between 'clutterer' and 'hoarder'? I tend to think my ex was a hoarder, but I'm open to suggestions that maybe it wasn't that bad, just massive amounts of clutter?

I think at the lowest level the difference lies ....

In the head.

Is an object of low financial worth taking up space? Does everything you have worry you about wastage? Is a lot sentamental? Do you know you have stuff to deal with?

E.g. My Sil keeps all the gifts given to her.....perfumes, for example, boxes and boxes of unopened not terribly wonderful and now probably off perfumes.

Dh likes boxes. And bags,Ever often justifies keeping boxes for putting things in already in boxes. Then wants to group them in bags. Me...it's wastage, and reusing. E.g. I am quite bad at finishing some things once opened, it's been valuable for me to tackle that.

And linen. . I recently got rid of five ikea bags full of linen that was frayed, had tiny holes, or I just didn't like but had been hanging on to just in case. I still have more than enough.

ChopinonaBudget

Thanks LIR, I think on the basis of that then yes, ex was a hoarder. Broken things 'could be fixed', or 'turned into something else', useless stuff could be broken up and used for something else. There was really any excuse not to throw stuff out. 'you can't throw that out' was like a battlecry. In the end I spent 2 weeks freecycling massive amounts of furniture, and broke up and threw much of the remainder.

The sad thing for me is I always wanted a house with very little 'stuff' in it, no clutter etc, but when I mention it to friends I get laughed at as they assume the state of my house over the last 10 years was my choice!

Brighton_belle

Yay, shiny new thread: many thanks Jojo:A:T.
Happy new year all, to regulars and newbies:D

WannabeSybil - wonderful to see you again at last of old thread, please come and rejoin us, you were missed.

Spent the morning deep cleaning the kitchen and DH continuing his complete overhaul of our small back garden in the sunshine.

Anticipate an afternoon of shredding (probably end up with a black bin bag full) and deep cleaning the bathroom. Both rooms now have minimal clutter so much easier to clean.Feels good.

Byatt wrote: »

LIR, also coined the word flower days, unintentionally but many of us have adopted the word for good days, happy days...

Oh, I take it to mean days when you are physically/mentally not on top form so have a 'slower day', but are ok with that.

decogecko wrote: »

I had two LBM, the first was why I had richard in the first place, for me personally it has been indecision on what to do with 'things'.

I think much clutter = deferred decisions.

Chopinonabudget - I think the difference between clutter and hording is clutter builds up because of poor habits/lack of systems or a place for everything to live. Hording is when it becomes very difficult emotionally to deal with or get rid of everthing.
EG, you spent the year collecting jamjars to make xmas chutney with for pressies. You end up not making chutney 2 years in a row. The jam jars are now taking up a whole cupboard and mean other stuff is left on a counter making it harder to cook and clean. If you realise then it is unrealisitic that you are going to ever make chutney you immediately dump the jars in the recycle box...you just had a clutter problem.

If you find it very very difficult to do this, that you have a an attachment to the jars because they are 'so useful' and /or the image of yourself as a chutney maker that isn't actually based in reality then you have hording tendanies. Multiply this with many items (craft items youhaven't made in years/other hobbyitems/food in larder that goes off/enough toilettries to last your 20 years, non working electrical items that have just needed repairing for several years etc etc- you have hording issues

babyshoes

ChopinonaBudget wrote: »

Genuine question: where is the line between 'clutterer' and 'hoarder'? I tend to think my ex was a hoarder, but I'm open to suggestions that maybe it wasn't that bad, just massive amounts of clutter?

In my mind it's when the clutter starts to interfere with being able to do normal things, like get to certain areas of a room or to move down a passage way without turning sideways. Being unable to use items because you can't get them out and/or have nowhere to use them any more is another part of it (my sewing machine is an example). Having multiples of useful items you can't possibly hope to use up in a sensible time frame can be another symptom.

My gran was a terrible hoarder but had an enormous 5 bedroom house to hide it in so only some rooms and the loft were inaccesible, the rest of the house was merely untidy... When she was moved into a nursing home (many years ago now) and the house was cleared, she had, amongst other things, several boxes of cheapy shampoo bought through the years when it was on sale, to use as bubble bath when the 'kids' come in from the cold - these would be my father and aunts she was referring to, none of whom had lived at home for 20+ years... There were similar stashes of useful things like soap and food (very out of date, but from before they started putting dates on things) mixed with an eclectic mix of sentimental things along with stuff most would consider rubbish, like bags and bags of cigarette boxes, or milk top foil lids etc. (For the kids to use in crafts, aparently...)

I have since found out that hoarding is something that definitely runs in the family and others of my generation are also struggling with it, which makes me feel a little better about the fact that my flat is now getting full, but I am trying to do something about it before whole rooms become inaccesible. It doesn't help that OH is nearly as bad as I am, but I'm starting to get her on side, and we are doing little bits here and there. If she's in the right mood later on, I hope we can go through the 2 large boxes of shoes which haven't been opened since they were stored some 9+ years ago. I can't remember if any of them are mine, I suspect most are hers. We need to either get rid or bring them into everyday use... *fingers crossed*

whitewing

Happy New Year, everybody!

Clutter to me is when you have a lot of stuff.

Hoarder is when you find all the excuses under the sun to not get rid of it.

nearlyrich

I think many of us ( I am very early 50's) are products of parents, particularly mothers who were brought up in the war and consequently hanging onto stuff was a way of life because you couldn't buy things even if you had money. My mum was a real hoarder and some of the stuff she kept was worthless but might come in handy ( 120 Flora tubs anyone?) The problem is when the junk gets in the way of living a peaceful life, when you can't sit down without moving something, can't make a brew without climbing over washing baskets etc. I have areas that need decluttering and I am on it but I have inherited the tendancy to collect junk although my home is nowhere near as bad as mum's was.

The_Dragon

Just wishing everyone a Happy New Year and a calm and clutter free future

Granny28

Hello everyone, a very happy New Year to you all. As a good start to 2013, (for me, perhaps not you!) I am going to try to put into words my hoarding situation. I had been watching the TV programmes about American hoarders and feeling so sorry for those featured, when I came across this thread when it was mentioned in Martin's weekly e-mail. Until I had read a few posts I did not consider myself a hoarder at all. DD1 had said that I have a siege mentality because of all the food I have under the stairs, but I thought that was just being prepared (for what, I have no idea). This house used to house five of us and all our worldly possessions. There is now just me and DH, and every cupboard, wardrobe - inside and on top, shelf, corner and underbed storage is filled with stuff. Mainly my stuff. I have what I now know is an aspirational craft cupboard. Another cupboard houses aspirational craft books. I have jars stored under the bed for when I make that hand cream my sister sent me the recipe for from France five years ago. But it is mostly behind cupboard doors or in closed drawers, so I didn't think it was hoarding. But it is, and I find it impossible to let it go. I churn it every so often, but it stays.
Today I have cleaned and tidied:o the spaces in the middle after having nine extra people staying for a few days. So it looks tidy, but the hidden things are still there. I have managed to throw out a gold gift bow instead of stashing under my bed with the rest of the recycled present stuff and several of those tubes of conditioner which come with hair dye. There must have been eight at least. So that's a good start for 2013. Could someone tell me why I have a stash of size 10 clothes when I am a size 16 now? I know I will never be that size again!
Sorry for the ramble, and good luck to all who are fellow strugglers:grouphug: