What a Right Pickle!

hopeless1234

Good grief thought I was bad at money management! I look like Martin Lewis twin compared to op. there are so many people 'screaming' common sense at the op but tbh ur completely wasting ur time. They're too busy trying to keep up with the jones's they are gona get further and further in the brown stuff. Most people come on here for help but the op appears to be asking for acceptance of what is such a terrible way forward but that just isn't going to happen. Op hasn't had their 'lightbulb' moment yet.....

SpagBol

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

There's a difference between your situation, and the OP's.

The OP is spending £21,600 pa, on school fees.

I understand that. My point is that I could save a similar proportion of my debt/income by moving to a much cheaper area...but I don't want to. Their school may be private but in many areas you pay for a "good" state school through buying or renting more expensive property.

The problem the OP has is that they have got both an expensive house AND school fees.

I just object to the assumptions of snobbery that people jumped to earlier in the thread. We all do the best we can for our kids.

exarmydreamer

To get out of debt requires a life style change, if one is not prepared to change their own situation everything will remain the same or get worse.

Most adults as children learn that they cannot have it all and that sacrifice and hard work are required to change. If the OP wants it all then good luck to him but without change I see little hope in debt reduction.

I have read this thread since it started and I can't see the OP making the large scale changes needed to help in his debt repayments. What is the plan for his wife's employment after she manages the home renovations, will she still get an income?. A roof over your children's head is far more valuable compared to saving face over private school for a few years.

Consider if OP goes ahead with the renovations and then falls behind with the mortgage, then what. All the monies invested would be held in equity by the bank should house be repossessed.

Sorry to sound harsh but debt repayments should always come before more spending.:)

poledancer49

Reading all these comments brings to mind a similar situation I am in but not the situation of having to send my children to private school. Not sure how I would cope with that dilemm but I think I am correct in reading they are still very young? I would consider down-sizing and moving to an area with a good school. Most children will excel in state schools and even get to university. You may want to consider a private tutor to help if you felt this was needed. Having two happy parents will be a plus. Only say that as I am so worried about all our debts it has turned me into a miserable mare and sure this reflects on the harmony in the house!

KellyWellyWoo

I don't know how this post post is going to turn out but bear with me.
I've read this entire thread with interest and in all honesty, some of this sounds like you want to maintain face and convince yourself that you can afford to still live this lifestyle. The reality is though, you owe a lot of money and whilst you have a good income, it is still not enough to cover everything you need to pay for.
I appreciate the struggles you have had to have your children and appreciate you want the best for them as most parents would but that does not have to be a private school. In my experience, whilst academic grades can be better and individual attention given more, private schools can encourage the worst in people and lead to a competition as to who has the nicest things and who went on the best holiday as well as 'clique' forming. I've worked in both and state schools are just as good if you find the right one. You sound like fantastic parents who have time and devotion by the bucket load and this will shine through in your children whichever school they attend. At 5 years old, they want to be running around and playing with barbies so whichever playground they do that in will not matter. As others say, you could send them when they are in high school if they want to go. State schools will also give more opportunity for socializing and meeting other children than a class of 8. As harsh as this sounds (and others may not agree), they will not appreciate this private education at 5 years old-any other place will suit them fine.
In regards to a car for £1000-that's doable. This links to what I was saying about saving face. If your option realistically is to drive a car for 1k or no car, it's a no brainer! I think you need to fully accept that you are in this and you cannot carry on the way you are.

primaryteacher

I don't think that the OP is going to be back to hear any more advice! He's not hearing what he wants to hear (although to be fair, some of the posts have been rather aggressive), so will no doubt carry on along his own path and ignore the good advice which has been posted here along with all other comments. You can lead a horse to water etc!

Barbeduk

Well I have to say how much I enjoyed reading this thread!

But seriously, if it's true, what the heck did you spend £81k on? Did you never stop and think when it hit £20k, £30k? And look at all this great, common sense advice you've been given by people with a state education!!!

Edit: I have friends who were recently bankrupted by their loans being called in. You do realise that if it all hits the fan you need a credit check to rent don't you?

saterkey

wow, interesting and frustrating thread, I must say.

It makes me smile a little that even though the OP is earning so much each month that it has to come to value food choices as an option of cutting down.

There must be something apart from house, and school fees that 80K of debt bought as well as (IVF) things that could be sold etc.

I went to boarding school and it was !!!! basically, the level of education was atrocious. the local state my two have gone too has been great, good facilities, outings trips etc, certainly better than my private one. I also found that i didnt quite belong because i wasnt as "rich" as some that were there.

OP please build up some emergency fund, in case your job goes, its quite scary of where you will end up if that the case.

good luck

racing_blue

any update?

asp746

the OPs living in the 'hear and now' and not thinking longterm.
If they are forced to move he kids into mainstream school then it's best to do it when the kids are younger, it will be harder when they're older because the other children will have already bonded.

The twins at their current age wont notice the cutbacks but how is the OP going to think when they are 14 and wanting to go out with friends of a weekend - that will mean finding another £200 per month disposable income - because I give my child £20 if she goes to town - £4 for a bigmac meal, £3 for busfare and it's about £5 to get in the pictures leaving a couple of quid for sweets or whatever - OP will have to be doing this double.

make the changes now whilst they're young and can adapt - ignoring it will make life much harder when they're older and also they'll be more aware of the parents financial problems.