How long do we wait?

gotobed

I published a while back. After what seems no provocation my husband has been denied access to his son. The ex phoned and, frustrated at his non capitulation to her increasingly bizarre and selfish access demands, stated that all access was denied, get a solicitor and goodbye. Without getting too biased about htis, it has now been 6 weeks since my husband had any contact with his son. If my husband does get a solicitor he feels he will continue to be emotionally blackmailed into doing whatever she demands eg. if he gets a solicitor and what he asks for is not what she wants then access still denied. SHe seems to want to back him into a corner to get what she wants as her other ploys haven't worked. He is trying to play the long game as someone once called it but how long should we wait before getting on the solicitors, if at all. The son is 10, has an excellent ealtionship with his dad but the ex causes problems. How long should we wait. Advice please......

hobo28

Hmmm, i think it was me who suggested playing the long game. 6 weeks is longer than I think i could have waited! Ultimately how long you wait is up to you. When is enough, enough?

The problem is that getting a solicitor might be your only option but its not an easy one. I've just looked back and as Bossyboots quite rightly points out, you can go to court, get access via a court order and the ex could still simply refuse. Much of it will depend upon the sort of person she is (ie. will she comply with court orders) and how far your willing to go and how deep your pockets are.

I don't see that getting a solicitor will allow him to be emotionally blackmailed. If she's the type to comply then it would be a safeguard having access set in writing. However lots of people don't comply and you could be in for a hell of a fight. A fight which may be extremely expensive and ultimately you may never win.

If it were me, I'd certainly speak to a solicitor and get your options on the table.

tanith

I guess its really up to you to take a decision but my heart goes out to that little boy what on earth must he be thinking , that his Dad has not been in touch for all that time, I'm guessing he doesn't realise the real problem? Can he not at least phone and be allowed to speak to the child? Its a terrible situation for you I am sorry and hope it comes to some resolution soon....

mookiandco

I think its easy to forget that this is about your sons right for contact with you and not your right for contact with your son. Your son is only 10 and if you won't fight for his right to see you, then nobody else will. To make an application for contact you need to show that you are committed. The longer you leave the less chances of getting the same amount of contact you had 6 weeks ago (or more). His mum will just use it against you.

Your son is almost at an age (usually 11) where the court can take his views into account so that could be helpful if your son is as eager to have contact as you are.

You will more than likely have a fight on your hands but even if his mum still refuses contact once an order is made atleast you will be able to tell your son how you fought for contact when he lets his feet do the talking in a few years time.

Good luck.

MJMum

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