Awful day :(

katy_ann

Ive had such an awful day and I dont know why, just feeling so down about my debt and stupid that Ive got myself into this situation. My eyes are red and sore where Ive been crying so much and I just feel really alone today. Spent the whole day by myself, Ive lost a lot of my friends over the years Ive had the debt as Ive been unable to go out etc my "friends" have kind of forgotten about me, my one remaining best friend and I had an arguement around 3 weeks ago and we havent spoke since, even though Ive tried. I have a boyfriend who is amazing and tries his best to understand, he has a large group of friends and see's them regulary, which is fine with me as I dont want him to feel like I do! I cant help but just feel a little jelous, I dont want him to think his girlfriend is a "loner". I think even if I had the money to go out, Id have no friends to go with

365days

I'm feeling the same. It's pants.

Yes we were incredibly stupid to get into debt. But we are doing something positive about it.

Those friends weren't worth having. True friends don't mind if you don't have money. It's a rubbish time of year for feeling low when it's expected for everyone to be jolly and festive. I'm really not feeling it this year.

This is what I will be doing this weekend. I will take my dog (and perhaps ds if he wants) to the local woods and I will hang up some fat balls for the birds. My little christmas present to nature.

Maybe you are a loner. It's not always a bad thing to be.

If you aren't and are craving social contact then set yourself a positive challenge to look into volunteering or some cheap/free hobby where you can meet some new mates as as new years resolution. Personally I think facing up to the debts is just the start of the journey. (cheesy word alert)

abundant1972

Hey - you're not alone ok!

Whilst we all may not know each other as 'friends' at least this is somewhere you can come to , be yourself and not be judged. Here people accept you no matter what you've been through...

I think too I made bad decisions... and if only I hadn't... and sometimes wonder where would I be now if... There's no point though - and I now choose to refuse to put anymore energy into the past. For me - I made those decisions based on the person I was back then... and those decisions seemed right for whatever reason... I'm not that person anymore... I've grown and changed - and whilst those past decisions may now seem foolish with hindsight - having the courage to change is far from stupid - and I feel recognising that is important.

I have found as I have 'changed' the people around me have too. I hold my hands up and say I did withdraw from many people, but again - that felt like something I needed to do. Friendships that dissolved and have fallen apart maybe needed to... I know I couldn't keep up with some financially, and perhaps some I wished hadn't lost touch with... but again... I'm not going to pour energy into what has happened.

I'm seeing it as shedding a cocoon of an old life... I'm still in the transformation stage - and the people in my life still are ones that are ok with that. When I emerge - debt free - and settle into a new way of being - I have no doubt a new circle of friends will come into my life... and that is something to look forward to.

There is a difference to being 'alone' and being 'lonely'. Right now - I am very happy being alone - in my own company... I rarely feel lonely - but if I do - I come on here - and this is often enough to cheer me up... If you can be comfortable in your own space that's a huge gift... and if you miss your friend (s) - be honest and tell them... There is no shame in being honest and saying you regret the argument. It might not make a difference - you might need to let it go - or it might turn things around...

I think we have to look after ourselves and each other on here... Be kind to yourself and believe you are worth everything - you deserve a debt free life and be proud that you are taking whatever steps you need to make it... Only you know how to do that... As long as you treat others as you would wish to be treated... those people that really belong in your life will still be there on the other side...

Big hugs

:grouphug:

abundant1972

Ps... On your signature - can you do one thing for me...

On your debt free date - change your to a

Becoming debt free - no matter when, is something to celebrate... Try and stay positive... You are on the road and that end is in sight... It doesn't have to fixed in stone - who knows what's around the corner... But stay positive and I really believe that you will attract that to you...

:T

Buffett

Katy, your post almost brought me to tears. I think everyone understands how you feel. We all get tired, faced with huge obstacles and feel like we're alone with our great burdens to carry.

Clearly you are not alone - just look at your profile on MSE. 1 year here and >2200 thank yous!

You're at the beginning of a journey, which will get easier each step you make along the road. Appreciate every £1 of debt you pay off, every one is a success in itself.

As you may know, some debt advisers tell you to pay off your smallest debts first ... NOT the ones with the highest rate of interest. This is because sometimes the feeling of progress and achievement is more important than an interest rate. Keeping going is priority number 1.

Perhaps set yourself a smaller goal, and celebrate achieving it.

As for your "friends" you have to spend money to see ... if you do what everyone else does, you'll have what everyone else has! i.e. debt and a shallow meaningless life.

rising_from_the_ashes

Awwwww katy_ann (((hugs))) hun xx we all have bad days ...... and I honestly can't put it any better than abundant has (fantastic post :T)

I made bad decisions too .... but as has been so well put already, we were different people then and it seemed the right thing to do at the time - hindsight is a wonderful thing ..... I hardly have any friends left from "those" days (largely down to being shared with the ex) and am lucky that I'm happy with my own company too .....

If she's your bestest friend ever, don't lose that....not worth it no matter what the argument was about or who was in the right or wrong (and believe me I'm right on that one .... I lost mine of some silly thing that I can't even remember now - so not worth it).

marisco_2

katy_ann wrote: »

Ive lost a lot of my friends over the years Ive had the debt as Ive been unable to go out etc my "friends" have kind of forgotten about me

I wouldn't bother yourself over worrying over losing friends like that. Most people are one pay packet away from ending up in alot of financial trouble. Say you lose your job and struggle to find a new one quickly, a large percentage of the population would suddenly find themselves in alot of debt. What kind of society would it be if everyone gave up on and forgot about their friends because they suddenly couldn't afford to go out.

Good luck with clearing your debts. Dont be harsh on yourself, you are trying really hard to sort it all out and get back on track. That is to be admired.

determined_new_ms

awwww sorry to hear you are having a rubbish time of it at the moment katy. Is there any room in your DMP to find a bit of money for socialising? I do think this is really important. It doesn't have to be a lot. Speak to Welsh Woofer on our thread, she split up with her husband and goes to something call meet up - I think they are national where she has met loads of friends and does social events. she chooses the ones that she wants to go to and are in her budget.

I think a lot of friends don't realise why you suddenly withdraw. Arrange your own events, a clothes swap, a dinner party, evening picnic in the park - obviously not this time of year! - come dine with me event, a hobby you are interested in. Friends of mine do a "stitch and b*tch" evening where everyone brings along their respective craft. It doesn't have to be expensive!

Give yourself a big hug and be kind x

marisco_2

determined_new_ms wrote: »

Friends of mine do a "stitch and b*tch" evening where everyone brings along their respective craft.

That sounds like real fun. I could do with one of those evenings right now

Cuckooclock

Give your self a big hug, you are going to get there no matter if it is slowly, I do have a few real friends, but felt too ashamed to tell them about my debt.
I worked at it with lots of advise on here (not this id) & I was suffering from depression which is so awful.
We are in a fair position now financial, let me tell you of the small pleasure of not worrying what the postman brings. We actually have less money now that when we were in debt, just wanted to say there is a light at the end, just hold on tight.

katy_ann

Thank you for all your kind posts guys I will definatly try to arrange something with friends, a clothes swap and a bottle of wine sounds good and girly! I will also look into not being so hard on myself, Im usually quite upbeat and get on with it, it just hit me so hard earlier, I didnt know what to do except come on here and speak to you guys So thank you all x