Massively in Debt and Sad

Newyorkdreams

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

The main concern is the insane amount you are spending on entertainment.

If you reduced it to say £50, just from that you would have a further £3,000 pa, to put toward your debts.

Thanks BB! What are you classing as entertainment? This for me includes meals out, drinks, magazines, cinema, shopping, general spending etc? Perhaps it's my perception and comparison - I used to spend £200 a week on enterntainment, now I spend less than £40 per week. I appreciate this may seem 'insane' but it isn't compared to previous spending! I have also given up smoking which was costing me on average £300 per month so I feel quite proud of that!

Thanks for your advice, it's appreciated.

NYD:)

Newyorkdreams

Hatecreditors.com wrote: »

You have £55,000 worth of debt and it ‘upsets’ you that the banks won’t offer you any more? Incredible.

Thank you for your post hatecreditors.com but it's not helpful. I posted here honestly and the vast majority of people have been helpful and supportive. You are being judgemental and using my words in the wrong context. I was merely expressing my feelings (whether you think this is rational or not). I was trying to consolidate my finances, not take on more. I can afford a consolidation payment and have been a customer of these banks years. Hell, I don't even know why I am justifying myself!

Please do not post on my thread if you are not going to be constructive, which is what this site is set up to be.

NYD

Newyorkdreams

:)Thank you HBS for your insight and valuable input. I understand some of the figures seem high but I just averaged this out over the year. Our hols are expensive but then we work extremely hard and feel that we deserve them - I guess this needs to be part of our mindset change!

NYD

Newyorkdreams

Good luck with it, I hope my comments dont come across as being harsh, I just can really relate to your post.[/QUOTE]

Thank you Yorkshire Lass. I'm glad that you feel you can relate as I started feeling alienated and since posting I've got to be honest and say that I feel even more alienated by certain posters.

I'm going to do everything I can to clear this debt and I appreciate your support.

NYD

jo91

NYD - don't let some comments (that may have been meant in the best way - i.e. pointing to the need for the change of mindset) deter you. There are some very supportive and helpful contributors to your thread that I hope you will focus on and allow to buoy you up on your journey.
Stick with it and stick around :-)

PlutoinCapricorn

Just as you have realised that refusals from the banks could be interpreted as a good thing, you may come to accept that cutting back your spending is not hardship or an admission of failure, but something that is very positive.

Major discoveries lie ahead if you have always lived the high life: you will be amazed at how little some people live happily on. So much unnecessary spending goes on in our consumer society and much of it is on credit. Living within ones means without debt feels really good.

You may not want to go so far as to wear boys' underpants - apparently they last a long time - as one frugal living female blogger does, but many people get their clothes from charity shops, rely on the library, museums, parks and Freeview TV for entertainment and recreation, get cheap coach tickets and Travelodge rooms for short breaks in the UK, shop in Poundland and LIDL ... I like to tell people how little my new bag cost, as opposed to how much. I like to tell the people who go to St. Lucia that I had a short break by the sea for £20: 2 nights in a Travelodge and the coach tickets!

Newyorkdreams

Hi Pluto - thanks for your post. I totally agree with you and my aim is to get my life back and for us to live within our means with no debt. On our part, I blame our situation entirely at our door because we were the ones you overspent for a decade. But we were young and stupid and we wanted all the nice things in life (not an excuse, just a situation).

We have been trying to live within our means for a while now and I too enjoy searching for and getting a bargain and then telling as many people I can about it! I shop in LIDL, I shop in Poundland and I go around the shops that I know for the best deals on products to maximise my money. I use vouchers, I haggle for deals, I negotiate with suppliers. I don't wear boys underpants (LOL) but I do try and get the best bargains I can.

I know how important it is to appreciate the most basic things in life. The things that are for free, love, trust and friendship. I know it sounds cheesey but my dear husband suffered from cancer in 2008 and I didn't know at that time whether he would live so we could marry (thankfully he did and he is a survivor god bless him). It taught me what was important in life but sadly it also made us think that life is too short and therefore we must maximise it. I think on reflection this mindset also contributed to our debt problems. So, I've probably overshared (!) but I felt that it was the time to.

What I really love about this forum is the different perceptions, views and thoughts. I like my thoughts and mindset to be challenged in a positive way so thank you for doing that.

NYD x

clearmydebts

Hi,

I have subscribed as we have very similar stories. I also enjoyed the high life. Lavish wedding and honeymon, expensive holidays, eating out etc etc. I have 2 small children now so want to get rid of it so we can provide a good life for them.

I look forward to following your journey.

PlutoinCapricorn

It seems that not only have you already made the change of mindset and adjustment of attitude, priorities and values necessary for downsizing your life and clearing some debt, but are also shopping in all the right places. You are well on the road to solvency now! Backsliding may happen of course, but with support and suggestions from people here you will get back on track.

Putting up your SOA was brave of you, but you get good feedback as people immediately home in on areas where spending can be reduced. What you see as a necessity may be a luxury to others.

I have never had any debts, but I do need to learn how to survive on a very low income now so am an avid reader of this forum. I am an evangelical Stardrops and white vinegar convert - you really don't need all those expensive cleaners. I never waste food: I learned to eat whatever I have before buying more. I have no landline, just a cheap PAYG mobile phone, and I have prepaid mobile broadband. I sometimes use the free WiFi in the library. I just have HD Freeview - the HUMAX box was one of my best ever buys. I am using hot water bottles and a slanket - I have no central heating and only use my halogen heater as a last resort. I think that this is healthier - I never get colds or flu. Handwashing makes clothes last longer.

I am glad that you are enjoying your new way of life rather than feeling resentful or self pitying. It can be very satisfying. For example, I found a beautiful china mug in a charity shop: they wanted £0.50p for it and the friend I gave it to for Christmas really loved it. I had a day out in Manchester for under £6 a while back: £2 for the coach tickets and around £3.50 in Spud-U-Like! A world away from jet set holidays in glamorous places but enjoyable.

Perhaps it is best to downsize in stages.You have to decide where to draw the line: I too think that wearing boys' pants as the Mean Queen does is one bridge too far! I am not a freegan/dumpster diver and I donate clothes to charity shops rather than wear them to destruction. Have you got any clothes, bags etc. that you could sell on eBay? I found a lot of things to give people for Christmas on eBay.

slowlyfading

It sounds like you've made a good start - once you get the hang of this fully, you'll never want to let go of money again! :rotfl: Me and DH are known as the "tight" ones of our friendship circle, but I think we're just sensible with our money

You can do this! You are in the right place