I don't want to be an usher!

[Deleted User]

2 weeks ago an old school friend phoned me and asked me to be his usher at his wedding in August. I knew his wedding was coming up but it conflicts with my girlfriend's brothers Aufruf (synagogue event 1 or 2 weeks before the day of a Jewish wedding). I'm also an usher at that wedding.

I've not seen this friend in 5 years since we live at other ends of the country and we weren't close friends. I can't work out why he'd ask me to be an usher really.

My girlfriend's family think I should be the usher at this wedding for my friend since it's an honour to be asked - my mother thinks I should be there for my girlfriend's family (there's also quite a high chance I'll be engaged by then...) and I can't be bothered schlepping all the way back up to Manchester for a weird school reunion/wedding. I also rather enjoy my girlfriend's family's parties. If he hadn't have asked me to be an usher I definitely wouldn't be going anyway.

I don't know how to let this friend down - he wants me to go measured up for an ushers suit ASAP.

I don't know what to do or phrase a "I don't want to be your usher" email.

Help!

Justie

Firstly, work out what you want.

If you don't want to go to this friend's wedding (whether you're an usher or not is really irrelevant) then tell your friend that you're very sorry but you have a prior commitment rather than 'I don't want to come to your wedding'...

Dan_Thunder

Yup, just tell him that you're already committed to another event on that day and that you're sorry but hope he has a great time.

In all honesty, I'm not sure why you didn't tell him this two weeks ago! Anyway, why feel guilty? After all, you've admitted you've not seen this person for 5 years.

pinkshoes

Given that you've already been invited to another event on this day, then it's impossible for you to do both, and it's only polite to commit to the first event that you agreed to, which is the Aufruf.

I'd just reply to your friend in the same manor that they contacted you (text, phone, email...) and say that you're thrilled that they invited you and asked you to be usher, but you're already usher at another ceremony on that same day.

it is a bit odd that they invited you if you haven't seen them for 5 years, especially to be usher!!! I mean, weddings are really expensive, an dmost friends of mine that got married had a nightmare keeping the guest list down to their limit, so had to choose carefully between their closest friends! Maybe he's not really lived alot in the last 5 years, and still thinks of himself as part of the school crowd, whereas you've obviously moved on and have a new friends and life!

Dormouse

If there's a high chance you'll be engaged soon , why not use that as an excuse as well (well, not an excuse - a reason! ). Just tell him that there will be things happening in your girlfriend's family the same week, and seeing that her family is likely to become your family, you can't let them down, blah blah. Basically, blame it on the family (am I the only one who does that? )

And congratulations on quite probably getting engaged soon! Good luck.

[Deleted User]

If you knew how much of a diamond ring my gf wants you'd be commiserating me... It would make the debt-free board cry

My problem is that I've already said yes, I've even told him about the event. I guess my best 'excuse' is that i don't want to miss my future brother-in-law's day. I shall discuss with gf and ring tonight.. email would be so much easier but it's not very personal

thanks all

Errata

You're a brave lad if your possible future Jewish mother in law is going to be able to very regularly say to you 'A fine son-in-law you are, you wouldn't attend my son's aufruf! ".
Why not tell your friend you can't do it after all as you're getting so much grief from your future mother in law. If he's Jewish as well he'll understand. Remember the old jewish joke? Girlfriend's father to her boyfriend "Would YOU want my wife as your mother in law". Good luck.

[Deleted User]

My friend isn't jewish, so he doesn't know what an aufruf, just as I doubt most people here don't. Its ok, i've no idea what goes on at a baptism or conformation.

I was thinking of using them as an easy excuse - I get on rather well with my gf's mother but he doesn't know that.

Just noticed i'm on post # 999 - i must make the next one worthwhile

ianian99

the whole point in people having ushers is to make there wedding look more expensive at the cost of the said usher as the cheeky fluckers expect the usher to pay for the suit hire!!