Anyone play happy families with your ex at Christmas?

maman

I know many people manage it but I've never been able to see/socialise with my ex or DHs ex wife. Most of the year we've managed but at Christmas it seems to be worse.

For me this is a long, long time ago but for many it will be much more recent. There's a lot of history and I loathe them both but sometimes wonder if I should make an effort.

DSD (who I brought up from the age of 8) is now grown up with a home and family of her own. She used to come to us for Christmas but stopped when her birth mother moved in to live with her. She now invites her MIL and her partner to stay and they all play happy families. Her FIL and his new partner seem happy to go round too. Personally I'm not fussed as I prefer to cook my own dinner in my own home but I do feel DH is missing out on seeing his daughter (although he wouldn't go there if his ex was around either).

We've been invited for Christmas Eve (presumably the evil witch is going out:D) but I'd rather not drive 70 miles there and back plus I like to go to church.

Thanks for listening. Anyone understand?

duchy

It sounds like you are sitting back .....Have you ever invited your DSD and her family to yours for Christmas. You appear to make no secret of your loathing of other members of her family so maybe she doesnt invite you because she knows you wouldnt make the effort ?

I know parents who manage to get along for one day for the sake of the rest of the families (did it myself for a few years when my son was younger ) and I know others who simply cant put their feelings aside so don't go/dont get invited to "blended" family gatherings like Christmas.

Tiglath

DH gets on really well with his ex - he drives there every Friday to see his daughter, play with her younger half-siblings, chat to his ex's second husband and have dinner with them all. Took a few years to get to that stage, but we're like two extended families now - I don't get to see them all as often as I'd like.

belfastgirl23

maman wrote: »

We've been invited for Christmas Eve (presumably the evil witch is going out:D) but I'd rather not drive 70 miles there and back plus I like to go to church.

I'd go. Your DSD is trying to manage her family as best she can. She wants your involvement. And she is trying to work things in a way that make you feel comfortable. Maybe she doesn't want to invite you on Christmas day because she knows you don't like her mum and doesn't want to put you in the position of having to turn her down. Or indeed put you in the position of feeling obliged to go.

I feel for her, she's in an impossible position really.

zoesmummy_2006

I tried the first year after my ex left, xmas was 3 months after he walked out cos he was seeing someone else. He came to our new house and spent the morning with the kids and had lunch with us.......it was horrendous, like when we were together in that he was sat watching tv not playing with the kids and I was slaving away in the kitchen cooking christmas dinner.

The following year he was with someone else who didnt like me despite not knowing me. He then insisted on us doing alternate xmas eve.mornings with the kids and took that year. He was then late returning them to me because he 'fell asleep'.

Its his year again this year, but hes back living at home with his parents now so am hopeful he wont be late returning them under their say so.....but im not holding my breath.

CuppaTea

Hi Maman!

Yes in the same quandry as you know. Ex left in the summer, made it official after 5 months of limboland only 2 weeks ago, but even so he still wants to play happy families at xmas. Ain't gonna happen. I can't cope with that as im still grieving for him and what we no longer have.

Have only just emailed him in this last half hr to say so (in a much nicer way of course).

You have my sympathies.