Help! Money causing arguments!

ailuro2

Someone has to be the grown up and manage the finances.

It sounds like he's not the one, which leaves you....

Give him pocket money, there's nothing wrong in that, it's how we teach our kids the basics of saving for something they want, and sticking within their budget, after all.

amazamum

Hi ,I agree with the others who say you need to take control otherwise you will both become more and more in debt.
As from last year I took control of our finances,we are both paid 4 weekly on the same date as we both work for the same company,my oh has not had a bank card for our joint account for over 6 months,yes we do still have occasional months were we go a little overdrawn,but nowhere nearly as bad as it was this time last year.
If my oh needs money he comes to me and he can have it within reason.
You need to sit him down and tell him why you are doing it and if he wants to get out of debt he will understand.
good luck with it

BethB_2

Thanks for all your replies and sorry I haven't replied sooner. He does know that he has a problem but still doesn't seem to be able to control it. In fact, he often doesn't realise how much he's spent - just keeps handing over the card/cash without registering that he's spent quite a lot. The £10's here, £5's there soon add up.

The money spent on his hobby was because he started a new hobby and bought the equipment for it. I've banned all further spending on that hobby for now! He is a serial-hobbiest and I'm sure it's the spending and buying things for the hobby that interests him more than the hobby itself. He seems to loose interest in things once the researching/spending/buying period is over - I've seen it many times over the years.

At the moment, I don't even have a bank account although I'm the one earning the bulk of our income. We're self-employed and I do earn good money, but it is frittered away. I really need to get myself a bank account and take control of the ones he has. At the moment, his spending has reduced and seems to be under control again. But I say 'seems to be' because I don't actually have access to the accounts to know exactly what is happening and usually find out it's gone when I ask for money for food shopping and there is very little left.

I already menu plan and shop online but he shops for the extras we need (additional milk, bread, etc) and this is when he buys other things we don't need. Also, if I'm working long hours, I don't always get round to doing the menu plans/shopping so he visits the supermarket daily to get stuff for meals and then buys other stuff we don't need. I don't seem to be able to get through to him that so much money is wasted buying stuff we could live without.

Anyway, thank you all for your advice and I will be making changes to get this under control.

DUKE

I can relate to that BethB :mad: Mine's not in any great debt but unfortunately he has to have all the latest gadgets ..... He's so materialistic it's pathetic! Now me I'm just the opposite and have to think long and hard before I spend a quid I do feel that I'm going without so that he can spend which ain't fair at all. He says that you only have one life and you should be abe to have what you like This is quite comical actually as if I bring up how much he spends he will tell me that I had a holiday last year and the year before - but he does come on these holidays with me :rolleyes: If I ever solve the problem then I'll be only too happy to share it with you

melg1973

My hubbie sounds like most on this thread. Money just seems go through his hands like water. I have a good night out on £20 but he spends £100+ but says all men are like that. We have had to cancel his overdraft and setup a standing order once a week to my account as I pay all the bills, food etc He just spends everything thats left and usually very quickly; drink, fruit machines, expensive clothes. As far as I know he isn't in any debt at the moment so not as bad as the OP but he has come to me in the past and had to borrow money off me to pay off debts. He's only just finished paying off 2 grand I lent him and he paid back £25 a week. That was money he has borrowed off a mate whilst in a casino.....sigh... have told him if that ever happens again its divorce.

Queen.Bess

I am in a similar situation Beth. I was debt free when I met DH but because he had and is still having salary problems all the debt is in my name. He does realise the problems we're in, but doesn't get involved with the finances, it's only when I get angry and spell it out does it occasionally hit home! I have ended up taking the credit card off him because in his 'down' moments, he would trot of to tescos and by fizzy drinks, crisps and chocolate to make him feel better! It's only way it works and if he needs petrol, I give him my switch card and he puts it on via pay at the pump and that's it, he hands the card back to me and can do no more with it!

I just hope the salary issue is sorted soon, so we can move forward.

liney

My husband has an account that i pay a standing order into each week for petrol and bits. He does have a £200 OD just incase of emergencies, but if he wanted X Y Z i would tell him if we can afford it or not.

He knows he is crap with money, and is happy for me to pay all bills and save for us from his wages and mine combined in one account. From time to time he'll ask how much we have in savings, but on the whole as long as he can buy a new pair of jeans and the odd DVD when he sees one on sale he's happy.

marvalous

had the same situation last night.me holding the purse strings and trying to manage everything and him just pootling along and leaving it all to me.

i gave him what for and he had to come back later cap in hand because he knew he was in the wrong.

As my sister said to me, a joint account is great when you get married but make sure he is the only one putting money into it :rotfl: