Christmas with children who have asd or similar?

my3girls

Hi everyone, just a bit of advice really.

Wondering how people cope win christmas festivities if their child has asd or developmental disorders or similar? And how you deal with this if you have other children too?

Dd3 (almost 4) has lots of physical issues and developmental delays but is also being looked at for asd/similar (undiagnosed as yet)

Oh is christmas hard work already! She hates it all! She doesn't want me to put up decorations (Hates change) doesn't want a stocking, she hates the idea of Santa as he is a 'strange man' - doesn't want presents as she won't know what's inside.
I know she will be a nightmare when people visit, not to mention the difficulty we're going to have at her nursery christmas party and nativity.

So any advice to make it easier? Or how I can please everyone? Her big sisters love everything christmas and I'm struggling to find a happy medium!

JJ
X

elsien

If it's going to be that problematic, does she have to go to her nursery christmas party and nativity? Or is there a way of making things easier for her - give her her presents unwrapped, or let her choose herself what she wants beforehand?
That way, you're springing less surprises on her but her sisters still get the fun of opening their own presents.

my3girls

Thanks for your reply elsien

Should have been more specific re presents - she's will freak out if anyone's is wrapped, but its unfair for me not to wrap the other two's as they love it.

I've bought dd3 a doll house so will not need to wrap that ill just set it up for her.

I think we will give the Xmas party a miss (shame though as I'm meant to be helping with the teachers) but she'll have to at least go to the nativity as her big sis is in it too.

Ho hum, feeling rather deflated about it all!

porlock

I'm sorry, I know virtually nothing about your child's condition.

I was just thinking, RE: present wrapping - could you not do it with her? So she can see what is going inside each parcel so is not worried? Your relatives must know about her so maybe ask them to drop off any presents to you unwrapped so that you can show her and she can help wrap them for your other daughters?

I'm just sort of thinking, y'know, involve her so that it's less a big thing that's happening to her, and more something that she is part of?

emg

Could you try watching tv shows or sharing books about christmas, particularly any involving favorite characters. Might help get her used to the idea of the types of things that happen at christmas?

murie

I'm gonna throw a spanner in the works now............

My nephew has aspergers struggles with change and has been always been allowed to sit out of things when it can become a problem for him (and others) at school. I know its been difficult for him and my sister at times (although he doesnt hate christmas or birthdays he is the opposite he becomes obsessivley excited about them about 3 months ahead to the point of not sleeping etc.) (His current fear is about a nuclear power station that he believes his geography teacher told him about last year situated in the suberbs of Birmingham)

However- whilst I can see that its been unavoidable at times for him to be removed from stressful situations, it isnt always in his best interests.

I know I will probably be slated now for this (and I NEVER mean to be offensive or dismissive of what parents of children with asd spectrum disorders go through), but he has gone through his education being allowed to leave class or sit out of classes that could upsetting for him. Now at 16 he is about to enter into the real world where people and situations dont take his disorder into account. He is a very intelligent lad that is now faced with NOT being allowed to sit out of situations such as GCSE exams and college interviews etc. and tbh he cannot cope. He cant hold his own amongst his peers not becasue of his aspergers but because he hasnt been taught how to handle situations and stress (which is what people with spectrum disorders require to cope).What I am trying to say is that at some point parents and teachers have to start to teach children how to cope (and I admit at nearly 4 its a little difficult), and develop thier own coping strategies .

It breaks my heart to see my nephew struggle like this and I wouldnt want anyone else to go through what my sister has been through with him- she was badly advised by professionals and friends alike and now he is having to pay the price. I know your daughter isnt yet 4, but this is something to take into account.
Sorry- venting of my feelings over:o:(

ps
all the advice given by others her about involving her is brilliant.

Tigsteroonie

Does she have two things she really likes - two similar toys, or two types of food? I'm thinking you could wrap those now and start explaining the idea of 'surprise', as in you don't know which you are getting until you remove the wrapping, but that something good always comes out of the wrapping.

Our boy is still too young to cause a problem at Christmas this year. He looks at the decorated tree occasionally, but doesn't seem bothered by the fact that it's in the corner of the room and stopping him from easy access to the windowsill. I just hope that he doesn't start taking against Christmas in a similar way to your daughter as he develops.

Lucky2013

hi
i have a son who has asd and adhd and i also worked with children who had asd and other additional needs. I have to agree alittle with murie my son loves christmas and other celebration however struggle to cope with his emotions so is unbelieveable hyper now until christmas but he struggles greatly with things such as the christmas play, fair, parties etc mainly due to the crowds of people and change to routine. However he is now 8 and every year he has made a little progress due to us not avoiding these situation (if we had avoided all his dislikes we would never go out) and like the previous poster stated the world around will not adapt for our children we need to help them adapt.

So some examples of things ive done in the past with children ive supported
Christmas Party - ive had parents attend wth the child so that if it does become too much they can leave at any time, depending on child would depend on whether i would advise them to come alittle eariler to get used to the environment before others arrive or come a little later when children are in and settled alittle. Ive also had parents bring child for a specific part of the party had one little one who loved food so he came to sit and eat with us which he loved .

Nativity- in the run up to the big day i would take the child i was working with on visits to the hall where it was going to be preformed, if they dont want to dress up who cares, i always let my little ones try and be part of it telling parents in advance that we will try but it may not happen, one little girl i worked with would not get on the stage so we spent the whole of the nativity on the floor in front of the stage but she was happy so who cares. My little boy struggle with the crowds at his nursery nativity so he sat right at the back hiding his face cuddling his support worker until the one song he loved came on and he faced us smiled and sang When Santa got stuck up the chimney, when it was finished he promtly hid his face again. The following year he sat with his head down looking at the floor singing all the songs and since then each year has become a little more confident in each performance he takes part in.

Talk to your little girls nursery staff/support worker see if they have some ways to work with you

sorry for the long post
hth

Lucky2013

also about the wrapping of presents you could try wrapping as a play activity, i do warn you tho i did this with a little one i was working and it did become something of an obsession she went home with wrapping i had given her and wrapped everything keys, phones, tv remotes, even her dinner at one point her mum thankfully found it funny even when she tried to wrap the dog up

cookiedough38

I would suggest labelling gifts with pictures of what is in side.

Make her a little visual time table with symbols of what is going to happen during the day, go through it gradually a little bit each day during the build up of Christmas. Laminate them if possible and Velcro them on so she can remove each one as she does them and knows what to expect to happen next.

Plenty of communication, visual aids are key. Does she attend a pre school? Ask the senco to assist you with this? Do you have portage at home? If so they will support you too.

Hope this helps

VRose

I love some of the suggestions here. I think it shows how families have to adapt to their situation. Also you can see that how they come by the strategies they use is trial and error, working with their situation. Which is what you are doing. I suppose it could be likened to breaking in shoes :S

I like the book idea. I would also think about previous 'battles' you have had, like settling into nursery, and how those were handled. At our son's school the SENco makes a personalised book with the child before the change in academic year. So they have a book they can look at that tells them all bout the new things. She even gets photos of the children with the new teacher or in the classroom. Which the children seem to get a lot out of.

A strategy that has been effective, though time consuming, is a quiet 1-2-1 time everyday with the same person for 20mins. Doing something they choose. We call it 'choosing time'. It gives a bit of routine on days that are different. Its is a very good time to access how your child is doing, and they get 20mins of your undecided attention doing something positive they have chosen where they can get lots of praise.

The last strategy is rewards. Obviously, have no idea of your child and if this would work for you, but I have seen it work well. Make sure they have an incentive for whatever the tricky thing is, like the nativity play. Something you can deliver on after they have done whatever it is you needed them to do,. For example, if you sit quietly in the room while the family open their presents then you get to have a sweet treat you have choosen (well it is Christmas!). The idea 1st time round is to detract them any means possible, let the child be incharge of the music or even watch TV. Then next time remind them that they can do it, offer a reward but less distraction.

I agree with the thought that it is the enviroment that is the problem, not the child, however for their sake and yours, eventually, they do need to adapt. So this year might be a bit tricky, but next year will be better.

Hope that helps