Divorced parents at wedding - help!

balmk

To be honest, I would tell both sets that it's fine for them not to come - I speak from experience when I say that it's horrible having people at your special day who don't want to be there and are only there because they feel obliged.

Plus, you're going to be on pins all day as it is, without having to worry about your parents and their respective partners.

Weddings, alcohol, and animosity just don't mix.

Sambucus_Nigra

'Dear Parent.

I have spent years dealing with your break up as well, and you loved each other enough to have a baby once. That baby is me and I am getting married.

If you cannot put your own feelings aside for one day for the sake of your child, then please do not hesitate to abstain from attending your own child's wedding.

May I point out that I have spent years walking on eggshells after my parents split up. Try looking at it from my point of view for one day out of your whole life.

Thank you

Your child.'

sunshine2223

Sorry Floss, was in the process of replying when you posted. Thanks for your reply from the other perspective. My Dad has said several times that he "thinks we're stupid for not eloping"... I do think that if we did that though, he would regret it in a few years.

A couple of people have mentioned the photos, I've done some wedding photography in the past for friends, and one couple wanted a photo with the groom's parents, who had been divorced for more than a decade... the step mum refused to allow it and insisted on being in the photo too, even though they'd had separate ones with the couple. This had all been discussed previously but on the day it turned out it was a massive issue. I'm going to make sure the photographer knows and we're going to carefully orchestrate the group shots so that nothing like the above happens!

Fosterdog

A friend went through similar last year, three months before the wedding she was ready to call the whole thing off. Instead she wrote a letter to her parents and their partners saying basically what you have said.

She told them how difficult it had been for her growing up, to continue to love and support each parent but never taking sides. She told them how much it had torn her apart listening to them both b****ing about each other and how she had to grow up very quickly to help them to deal with the divorce.

All she was asking is that for one day now she is an adult they do this for her and just agree to put on a front for the day, she didn't care whether they actually spoke to each other or not on the day she just cared that they were both there.

This did cause a few arguments but she did it with enough time before the wedding for them to get it out of their system, she got them all to agree and she had a great day and they all pulled though for her and kept out of each others way as much as possible on the day.

That day was the first time since the divorce that both parents and new partners had been in the same room and while they are not friends by a long shot they have managed to be in the same room again to welcome her son when he was born and they have agreed that they can continue to do the same for their grandchild for birthdays etc. in the future. Of course things could change as the years go on but for now it is amicable.