Please help!

Tigger81

I was just wondering if anyone has been in the same poisition as me or my boyfriend or if anyone has any thoughts on this...I'm pretty confused!

My boyfriend told me when he first moved in with me that he was £25,000 in debt. We looked at all his finances together and he sorted out re-payments and I agreed to pay bills so that he could pay the debt off quicker. Up until last week I believed that he had cut the debt down to £18,000 and I was so proud of him for confronting the problem and dealing with it.

Last week I mentioned about maybe looking to see if we could get a mortgage together and after a bit of an argument he finally admitted that he had hidden a lot more debt from me. He seems to have finally faced things and worked out now that his debt is actually £61,000 - reduced from over £70,000 in the first place.

I don't really know what to do, I feel like he has broken the trust I had in him and I can't believe all the lies he has told me. I can't believe he has let me pay for so much without telling me (although guess I was stupid to agree to this). He has promised me that that really is it now, no more lies and I think I believe him, but how do I know if this will happen again? He is being really proactive now, he has an appointment with the CAB (he lied about going before) and is writing to his creditors. He says he is doing everything to get my trust back.

Also, I just can't get my head around how much money that is. He has a basic car and a TV but nothing else that could explain the debt. He says it has built up by living beyond his means for many years.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I'm really sorry for moaning but I would really appreciate anyone's thoughts about this. Thank you! xxx

pboae

You would probably be better asking for this to be moved to the Debt Free Wannabe board. You'll find many people there who have been in yours and your BF positions, and also people who have run up similar levels of debt. They will be able to give you a lot more support and practical help.

Good luck!

Tigger81

That would make more sense!! Thank you for replying

belfastgirl23

I'd want to dig a bit deeper and make sure that he was being truthful about reasons for debt. £70k is a lot of wild living unless he's in his 60s or something. I would want to be very very sure that there was no chance of a gambling or drug problem. If this is the basis of a problem then there's no point in just dealing with the debt. I'd ask to see as much info as possible about the debts too just to make sure that it has actually been reduced.

I don't think you should trust him just yet since it is possible he hasn't come totally clean with you....and be open with him that you need him to prove what he's saying.

Sorry to hear about all this, must be a heck of a shock!

pinkshoes

I'm with Belfastgirl, because £70k is an awful lot of money to be in debt if there's nothing to show for it, and it would make me suspicious of drugs or gambling problem. If he's serious about being honest, then he'll tell you EXACTLY how he spent this money.

£70k debt is spending £400 every weekend for 3.5 years without earning a penny...

How long have you known this guy? I'd be wary about trusting him just yet, and would at least wait until you have a decent explanation for his spending habits.

snowmaid

Firstly he lied to you about his debt which is astronomical! :eek:

Secondly, you are wanting to buy a house together? Taking your heart out of it, if he weren't your boyfriend would you 'invest' with someone who can't handle the finances to that extreme?? That would be a bad investment. You are potentially putting yourself at risk financially. Already you are helping him pay off that debt, debt you have not made. You are not married, he is your boyfriend, what is to stop him splitting once you have helped pay off a huge portion?

Its not a case of him having a family, having lost his job, perhaps ill etc which got him into this situation, but his own lack of control and instant gratification needs.

Think very very carefully on this one. With all due respect, I think you could be heading for a let down.

belfastgirl23

Agree with snowmaid, I would think a lot about getting a mortgage together. Could you do it on your own?? I think you'd be waiting quite a while before anyone would lend money to him anyway and you'd risk your credit scoring being impaired if he defaulted etc.

Maria72

I have been in EXACTLY the same position as yourself.

I know it will hurt, but get out of this relationship now. When myself and my now ex first got together and decided to buy a place together he told me he had no debts. He did, about £40k and he had NOTHING to show for it.

Please bear in mind that if he lies about his debts it is very possible for him to lie about other matters also.

I cannot go into too much detail as we only split up last month and we have to go through solicitors to sort out money as his debt was consolidated and attached to our property.

Please, please, do not be a fool like me and think you can help - you won't be able to. This debt will TOTALLY control your life and will effect your health and your relationship. You will have to create a web of lies to help cover up why you cannot afford to do "normal" things.

Please, please speak to CCCS as soon as you can and get independant advice.

Please PM me if you want to

Tigger81

Thank you for all your advice everyone...nice to know I'm not the only one!!