EX BF come out.....

emsywoo123

The dreaded facebook! :eek:

I had a really strong dream last night that my first BF (15 years ago) took me to a pub to explain that he had realised he was gay.

I couldn't shake the feeling all day that this was true, as the dream was really clear, so log onto FB........ and yes, a month ago he came out (he is approaching 40)

He was my first love, we were engaged, moved in together, and were together for about 2.5 years.

I know it seems silly, but I burst into tears :eek:

I just feel in shock, and that our whole relationship must have been a farce.

HeadAboveWater

Not necessarily. That was 15 years ago. I'd say everything he felt back then was absolutely real. A lot can happen in 15 years.

He's your EX for a different reason, so you shouldn't let it get to you.

emsywoo123

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

He's your EX for a different reason, so you shouldn't let it get to you.

I don't know that though. Not that it makes a difference I suppose. I just wonder if I was some sort of cover up (I believe his parents to be homophobic, although that might have changed?)

HeadAboveWater

Who finished with who if you don't mind me asking?

And a cover up?! 2 and half years? Engaged and moved in together? Bit extreme for a cover up!

emsywoo123

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Who finished with who if you don't mind me asking?

And a cover up?! 2 and half years? Engaged and moved in together? Bit extreme for a cover up!

He finished with me. Just said he fell out of love with me. We both cried alot. As you can imagine I was distraught, and I believe it has shaped all my relationships since, as since then, at the first sign of trouble, I have generally walked away as I never wanted that feeling again.

This is all my self analysing I've only been reflecting on it today, they were never concious decisions.

HeadAboveWater

emsywoo123 wrote: »

self analysing

Ooooooooooooooo... Guilty! Doing a LOT of that myself lately!!

I know what you mean about it shaping all relationships since. Are you in a relationship now? (again, if you don't mind me asking!!)

Morganarla

I have to say, if this happened to me, I too would be devastated.

Getting a bit tearful thinking about it actually!

Having said that, sexuality doesn't change a person, doesn't change who they are, doesn't change the fact that they once did love you.

If my ex fiance (who I'm still very close to) admitted to me that he was gay, yes my mind would get seriously rearranged, but that wouldn't change the 4+ years we were together and the wonderful times we had.

He would still be him.

emsywoo123

HeadAboveWater wrote: »

Ooooooooooooooo... Guilty! Doing a LOT of that myself lately!!

I know what you mean about it shaping all relationships since. Are you in a relationship now? (again, if you don't mind me asking!!)

Are you going to be charging me for this therapy? :rotfl:

No, without wanting to sound a bit free and easy I have had a number of shorter term romances (6 months ish) for a while, and so made a concious decision to be alone, have been now for 2.5 years.

I would love to be in a relationship, but for the sake of my children and my sanity I am not! I just don't seem to be any good at them.

Uh oh, feeling a bit emosh now.

emsywoo123

Morganarla wrote: »

I have to say, if this happened to me, I too would be devastated.

Getting a bit tearful thinking about it actually!

Having said that, sexuality doesn't change a person, doesn't change who they are, doesn't change the fact that they once did love you.

If my ex fiance (who I'm still very close to) admitted to me that he was gay, yes my mind would get seriously rearranged, but that wouldn't change the 4+ years we were together and the wonderful times we had.

He would still be him.

And that made me cry!!

I'm going to keep remembering the bit in bold. They are good words, thank you.

Morganarla

Made me cry too!! And I have to go back to work now from lunch break, they're all gonna be like 'Morg, !!!!!!?!' And I'll be sniffling away saying 'Oh just talking about the thought of my ex being gay...'

My current OH (who works with me) is just going to be 'WUT?' Haha!

HeadAboveWater

Morganarla wrote: »

Having said that, sexuality doesn't change a person, doesn't change who they are, doesn't change the fact that they once did love you.

He would still be him.

Exactly!!

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Are you going to be charging me for this therapy? :rotfl:

Usually it would be £80ph but seeing as we're on MSE I'll give you 50% discount

No, without wanting to sound a bit free and easy I have had a number of shorter term romances (6 months ish) for a while, and so made a concious decision to be alone, have been now for 2.5 years.

I would love to be in a relationship, but for the sake of my children and my sanity I am not! I just don't seem to be any good at them.

(You don't sound free and easy btw!!)

I doubt that you're 'not good' at relationships! Who is?!? What's right? What's wrong? Every person is different. Every relationship is different.
At the minute your priority is YOU and your children. Personally I don't see anything wrong with that!! As you say you're doing a bit of self analysing now. Being single is the best time to do it coz you've nobody about to f up your head (sorry!!)

Uh oh, feeling a bit emosh now.

*HUG*