Child Maintenance and Travel advice

=booboo=

Im not sure if anyone can assist here but ill fire away..

My wife left me over 3 years ago to have a relationship with another man. She took my daughter with her and moved 170 miles away.

Ever since then we have had a verbal agreement that i pay her £200 per month child maintenance (15% of my salary would be nearer £300), however the remainder would go towards paying fuel costs for collecting my daughter (and returning her every 3rd weekend). My costs for fuel are £110 per weekend that i have her, not including the maintenance required when travelling nearly 700 miles (over 16 hours) in a weekend.

I have never complained about this and really do not shirk my responsibility over my child. I know i need to pay for her!

Last night she telephoned advising that "cant cope with the hours it takes to help with her homework and needs to cut her hours at work". Due to this she will be taking a pay cut and now wants me to pay £300 per month. This is ont top of the £110 - £220 i pay for fuel alone.

Unfortuantely times are pretty tight and My pay has risen only £200 per year in the last 4 years. When i explained that i wouldnt be able to afford this she suggested I only see my daughter once every 6 weeks to make the payment. and has since said she will go to the CSA to ensure she does.

My questions are:

Should she be contributing towards travel? (both costs and time). (she does drive but states if i want a relationship with my daughter, i have to make the effort).
I heard the CSA make allowances for long distance kids, but its for non overnight stays only, is this correct?
What is the best way forward?

daska

Some people will argue that there is a moral obligation on her to pay some but legally no, she doesn't - unless there is a Contact Order stating that she must. If she goes to the CSA you can apply for a variation to reduce your payment on the grounds of travel costs but it doesn't work out pound for pound, so IF your payments are reduced it will be by far less than than the costs you incur. (I don't think it's limited to non-overnight ?!) Still worth applying for though.

Are there any other travel options? It's sometimes possible to book very cheap rail tickets if you do it far enough in advance. And there are cheap coaches as well. Sometimes these are only £1 a seat. And if you can pick up a cheap travelodge room when they do their deals you might find you could do some weekends cheaper by staying locally.

Caroline_a

Last night she telephoned advising that "cant cope with the hours it takes to help with her homework and needs to cut her hours at work".

This sounds like so much bull!! Tell her that homework is for children to do, not for parents to do for them, and if she does this then the child will struggle in exams as she will not have the basic understanding to build knowledge on if mum is doing her homework!

I think she's telling fibs, maybe she's had her hours reduced by work?

As far as the travel costs go, we lived 200 miles away from my ex and went halves with travel. When my daughter got older we would meet in a service station halfway which was easier. Oh... and he never paid me a penny maintenance either.

=booboo=

Hi Daska, thank you for your response.

Ultimately my interest is in what is best for my daughter, i have no problems paying what is due, just hurts that i will have to sacrifice my weekends in order to accomodate my exs demands.

unfortunately i would need 2 x trains and a tube journey across london, this would then take me within 30 miles of her house and my ex would not drive that.

As for the hotel thing, Its been a consderation many times, however there are 2 things in the way. Firstly, I like my daughter knowing she has a home with me and my new GF (who also has 2 kids), and on the few occasions i have tried to do this, my ex rearranges dates with no notice because she doesnt like the thought of my daughter staying in the same room as my GF. - would just like to add, i have been with my GF for 2 years and she loves my daughter very much!

Thank you for clarifying the overnight visit thing, will look into it but not expecting much.

=booboo=

Caroline_a wrote: »

This sounds like so much bull!! Tell her that homework is for children to do, not for parents to do for them, and if she does this then the child will struggle in exams as she will not have the basic understanding to build knowledge on if mum is doing her homework!

I think she's telling fibs, maybe she's had her hours reduced by work?

Lol, yup, have to admit i agree. She did ask me a few weeks ago to help with homework (My daughter is 6 BTW) but i refused as after travel, i get 1 day in 21 with my daughter and dont want to spend it doing hw. However, pulling a fast one or not, im still in this situation.

Caroline_a wrote: »

As far as the travel costs go, we lived 200 miles away from my ex and went halves with travel. When my daughter got older we would meet in a service station halfway which was easier. Oh... and he never paid me a penny maintenance either.

You have no idea how many times I have heard this from others, but my hands are tied... I wish you were my ex lol

=booboo=

how does a Contact order work? can i apply for one with my divorce? or is it a non standard thing?

Caroline_a

Your daughter is 6??????????? and your ex is giving up hours to help her with her homework??? Good lord, what on earth is she going to do during GSCE year??

Ok.. have you done the sums regarding how much you should pay taking off the nights your daughter spends with you? There are a lot of calculators out there to help you with that. My contact for my daughter was half the school holidays. This meant 1 or 2 half terms a year, half the long school hols, and half Christmas and Easter hols, so so 5 journeys for each of us. I would suggest you do the collection journeys...;)

Alternatively you could always go for residency....

daska

Not with but at the same time certainly. You or your solicitor apply to the Court and, depending on how big an argument there is between the parents it can be a rubber stamp or a battle of many years.

The standard (not taking age or distance into account) is for the NRP and RP to have alternate weekends, xmas and easter and the NRP to have a set number of weeks in the summer and maybe contact on a weeknight.

Whether it would be of benefit to you depends on the circumstances. I'm not sure how far you'd get simply on the basis of cost - I believe the general stance is that, financially at least, maintenance and contact variations are dealt with by the CSA. We had a particularly onerous contact order imposed on us during the residency case but as soon as residency was confirmed it dropped back to the NRP being fully responsible.

But you might be able to argue that due to the distance you have longer periods during the holidays or that because of working hours it's in the child's best interests for the RP to undertake part of the travelling. e.g. if she can set off immediately school comes out but you can't pick her up until 7pm and won't get home until 11pm.

Struggling with helping a 6 year old with homework sounds a bit far-fetched? What hours is she working? Does she only see the child for a few minutes a day? DS2 is in year 1 and he gets about 15 minutes 'homework' a week plus reading every day.

=booboo=

Caroline_a wrote: »

Your daughter is 6??????????? and your ex is giving up hours to help her with her homework??? Good lord, what on earth is she going to do during GSCE year??

Dont even get me started, she still states that in her ideal scenario, she'd want more money and for me to collect and drop her off EVERY week! She is a good mother to my daughter and i know that my daughter would never be without anything, however that is where it ends. unfortuantely im not here to advertise what she does and how she acts (id be here forever and youd die laughing), just want to sort out my access.

Caroline_a wrote: »

Ok.. have you done the sums regarding how much you should pay taking off the nights your daughter spends with you? There are a lot of calculators out there to help you with that. My contact for my daughter was half the school holidays. This meant 1 or 2 half terms a year, half the long school hols, and half Christmas and Easter hols, so so 5 journeys for each of us. I would suggest you do the collection journeys...;)

Yes, comes out at 75 p/w - roughly 300 per month

Caroline_a wrote: »

Alternatively you could always go for residency....

LOL, yup considered this too, think it would make life a lot easier, but i couldnt do that to my daughter, she needs both parents and stability.

FatVonD

=booboo= wrote: »

As for the hotel thing, Its been a consderation many times, however there are 2 things in the way. Firstly, I like my daughter knowing she has a home with me and my new GF (who also has 2 kids), and on the few occasions i have tried to do this, my ex rearranges dates with no notice because she doesnt like the thought of my daughter staying in the same room as my GF. - would just like to add, i have been with my GF for 2 years and she loves my daughter very much!

Could you alternate, one visit to your home and new family and the next just you having quality time with your daughter on your own?

=booboo=

daska wrote: »

But you might be able to argue that due to the distance you have longer periods during the holidays or that because of working hours it's in the child's best interests for the RP to undertake part of the travelling. e.g. if she can set off immediately school comes out but you can't pick her up until 7pm and won't get home until 11pm.

So I need to approach this with my solicitor?

Fingers crossed, Im due an injury payout shourtly (from an accident i had whilst collecting my daughter), i wanted to use this to pay for the divorce, will be quite happy to try this then!

As stands, on days i collect her, up at 5:30am, i leave at 6am for work, get home by 5pm, leave straight away and generally will be lucky if i get her and get home before midnight. No need to mention how shattered i am on the day i actually have with her. On sunday leaving before lunchtime to return her home. id hope that would qualify?

daska wrote: »

Struggling with helping a 6 year old with homework sounds a bit far-fetched? What hours is she working? Does she only see the child for a few minutes a day? DS2 is in year 1 and he gets about 15 minutes 'homework' a week plus reading every day.

35 hours per week, finishing 3pm on a friday. and yes, her hours are being reduced. I dont believe what she says, but what can i do?