csa grrrrrr

365days

Marisco wrote: »

I think a big point is getting missed here. I don't think those who are complaining are complaining because the NRP has to pay for a child, but let's face it, anyone over 18 is not classed as a child! The NRP should be able to give the "child" the money, then the child and PWC can thrash it out between them

Why should the NRP "bankroll" the PWC's household when the child is an adult? Her costs will still be the same whether the child is there or not. But she won't have after school activities, childcare, school trips, uniforms, dinner money and all things kids usually have. To raise the age to 20 is IMO ridiculous, and I can see how the NRP's are knarked when think they might only have weeks/months to go, and then this happens!

No they won't. If i didn't have my child I could live in a smaller house, have lower utility bills, lower food bills, clothing, washing powder etc etc. Are you suggesting that 20 year olds don't cost anything or that they should all pay their own way?

his_wife

clearing out, i am not a new partner we have been together a number of years, i do not have any quibble whatsoever, with my partner supporting his child, i have never had a go on him over it, she is his flesh and blood of course he should support her. However, i dont agree with the 19 thing. For what its worth he agrees with me. If she was in a third year full time course, if she had any intention of doing something with this college course, work wise, i would do my upmost to go the extra mile. She , by her own admisssion is doing it because her mum has said she will giver x amount a week for doing so!!

I no longer work 30 hours a wk, i have had to change jobs, however, i do the amount of hours i can get, its not that i dont want to do more , no more are available to me. As i work silly shifts, early mornings, late nights, get rota a wk at a time, i am unable to top up my hours with a second job.

Sorry i sounded condescending to pwc who receive nothing, however, i know my ex husband works more and earns more than what he declares. Hence, why i said only.


This is not tit for tat, my husband is a good man and of course i appreciate him, however, i would be financially be better of as a single parent. Harsh, but true.


Fbaby, if you read further back, we have been battling not to go bankrupt for the past five years, through debts my husband ran up previous to me coming on the scene. No its not his daughters fault we have these debts, nor is it the csa fault either. However, after, counting down till the csa stopped so we could actually make headway with these debts, then find theres another year to pay, was quite gut wrenching.

Yes we were going to give his daughter some of this money a month to help her with college, and throw the rest at debts to eventually give us some quality of a better life!!

**Patty**

clearingout wrote: »

it's a good question Fbaby and I'm not sure there's a definitive answer. My parents (and now my mum) were/is certainly more than happy to support me whilst in education with an expectation that I worked during holidays although that said, there was never an expectation that I paid anything at all - I think that probably would have been different had I refused to work or study. My parents, however, could afford to help/support me in that way which is obviously not the case for everyone.

As an independent adult, I have always known that I have a home with my parents and my mum has helped me financially during difficult times in as much as she has been able.

Most of my friends I would say have the same experience. It would be interesting to hear other experiences.

Mine was different. My parent's divorced when i was 12.

I'm now 45 & back then, because Child Maintenance (set by the Court in those days) was paid whilst in fulltime education, I stayed in full time education (A levels first & then a further college course)

That finished 2 weeks before my 20th birthday.

By the time my birthday came, i was out of the home on my own (wobbly) 2 feet. Yes, i had a job so in that respect i was lucky......but Parental Support? Not as much as 1p since that day.

Addition: If nothing else it taught me how NOT to be a parent

wayne0

**Patty** wrote: »

Mine was different. My parent's divorced when i was 12.

I'm now 45 & back then, because Child Maintenance (set by the Court in those days) was paid whilst in fulltime education, I stayed in full time education (A levels first & then a further college course)

That finished 2 weeks before my 20th birthday.

By the time my birthday came, i was out of the home on my own (wobbly) 2 feet. Yes, i had a job so in that respect i was lucky......but Parental Support? Not as much as 1p since that day.

Addition: If nothing else it taught me how NOT to be a parent

i could have lived with my dad until i wanted my eldest brother live there until he was about 30, once i moved out, it was down to me to support myself... but before i moved out, my dad made sure i was "aware" of this,,,

if i ever needed help / food, i could go "home" for dinner.,, but never got money off my parents...

if i needed to move back home, i would of been able to do so... but if working need to contribute X amount towards bills.

when i lived at home, i was in college full time (30 hrs a week or more) working (30+ hrs a week) and supporting myself...

i had to pay RENT to the council (i earnt too much money so his rent went up by a few quid due to lack of benefits due to a non dependant etc) and i still paid my dad 40 quid a week board (food etc) and then paid for the internet as whilst my dad used it, he wouldnt of been able to afford it...

back then i felt i "struggled to live" despite having about 100 quid to spend spare...

but my god, how much i wish i only had those bills to pay now :P - wouldnt that be so nice... - all the same, my dad would of only expected me to buy food etc for myself.

if i had my son living here with me, the only cost i would have would be to put a plate of food on the table... and come on, how much does this cost (considering as someone already said, old style people can make a feast for less than a quid)

it doesnt cost any more gas to heat the house because you have one more there. perhaps the cost of an extra light bulb / ps3 etc (how much is that... 20 quid a year?)

and as for washing powder etc... wouldnt you just put their clothes in with your load anyway? - at the most you would have one extra load a week... (a family of four, we do 3 or 4 loads a week but thats because baby/toddler clothes get so grubby..
i do however have to wash my uniform on top of that - sometimes i can wash it in the sink first then throw it in with the normal load... sometimes i have to set it on its own, as its so dirty with oil/grease etc...

what does an adult need to wash? 7 pairs of clothes - but be serious, most of us wear a pair of jeans for 2 days... i know i get up about 10 am, wear my jeans till about 1 then get changed into uniform for work...
get home from work at about 11pm, get shower, clean boxers / socks / night clothes on. and bed about 2am.

night clothes get washed every couple of days... jeans also.. obviously, i have a few pairs of each, so it doesnt mean they only get washed on their own etc... they "build up a load"

the only "daily wash" i have is my uniform - which i have just bought extra pairs of trousers/shirts from work to reduce the loads we have to do. i only had 1 before but now have a couple. - cost of second uniform = 12 quid. saving for washing = a lot more...

we also wash at low temps, and mix colours with "most whites"" if theres only a few (such as baby grows etc)...

the only boil wash i do is for my uniform.

**Patty**

I think you've missed the point Wayne.

I didn't leave home out of choice.

duchy

Really ?

This child needs a plate of food a day-no breakfast, no dinner money or packed lunch ? No clothes bought either school uniform or otherwise... and have you seen the price of school shoes ? You may not have noticed but children do grow ! No toys, no books, nothing in the child's room -and rent or mortgage is the same for a one bedroom place as a two bedroom ? No toiletries, no school trips, no outings , no holidays . Extra utilities-water meter-usage increases, electricity -the child may not want to spend every moment at home in the same room as you so will require extra light etc.

It appears there's a good reason your son doesn't live with you-You don't have a clue what a child needs or costs.

shegirl

duchy wrote: »

Really ?

This child needs a plate of food a day-no breakfast, no dinner money or packed lunch ? No clothes bought either school uniform or otherwise... and have you seen the price of school shoes ? You may not have noticed but children do grow ! No toys, no books, nothing in the child's room -and rent or mortgage is the same for a one bedroom place as a two bedroom ? No toiletries, no school trips, no outings , no holidays . Extra utilities-water meter-usage increases, electricity -the child may not want to spend every moment at home in the same room as you so will require extra light etc.

It appears there's a good reason your son doesn't live with you-You don't have a clue what a child needs or costs.

Have to agree. Kids need a lot more than just a plate of food:rotfl:

wayne0

duchy wrote: »

Really ?

This child needs a plate of food a day-no breakfast, no dinner money or packed lunch ? No clothes bought either school uniform or otherwise... and have you seen the price of school shoes ? You may not have noticed but children do grow ! No toys, no books, nothing in the child's room -and rent or mortgage is the same for a one bedroom place as a two bedroom ? No toiletries, no school trips, no outings , no holidays . Extra utilities-water meter-usage increases, electricity -the child may not want to spend every moment at home in the same room as you so will require extra light etc.

It appears there's a good reason your son doesn't live with you-You don't have a clue what a child needs or costs.

were are not on about a child as in below 18 here...

somebody who 18 and is going to college for 12 hours, could easily go to work part time to earn money for luxaries etc...

by plate of food, i include packed lunches, breakfast etc... come on, pack of ham from tesco is about 60p... a loaf of bread is a quid... this will last a week for a packed lunch. (obviously, one loaf would feed the entire family, so you would go over 2/3 a week...)
a bottle of squash (the decent stuff) 2 quid...

yogurts pack of 4 for less than a quid... fruit about 30p each item (in reality less)...

if the "child" is 18... then they should either deal with their life style choice to go college and work to subsidice themselves like most of us did when we were younger.. or live on what they are given...

POCKET MONEY? this is what child benefit could cover?

clothes? so you need to buy clothes EVERY WEEK?

ASDA/TESCO/ETC - trousers are about a tenner a pair, a tenner for a shirt... shoes a tenner...

the children i have living with me, now have to have hand me downs off friends and family, we dont buy all new for them...
because we cant... DONT YOU THINK A CHILD BELOW 18 should be treated fairer than one over 18?

Bluemeanie_2

clearingout wrote: »

it's a good question Fbaby and I'm not sure there's a definitive answer. My parents (and now my mum) were/is certainly more than happy to support me whilst in education with an expectation that I worked during holidays although that said, there was never an expectation that I paid anything at all - I think that probably would have been different had I refused to work or study. My parents, however, could afford to help/support me in that way which is obviously not the case for everyone.

As an independent adult, I have always known that I have a home with my parents and my mum has helped me financially during difficult times in as much as she has been able.

Most of my friends I would say have the same experience. It would be interesting to hear other experiences.

I don't think NRP's have a problem supporting their children, their whole lives. I think they have a problem with still supporting the ex's household. Think you know my story about shared care etc! We genuinely do heavily subsidise the ex household so to find out it could potentailly continue for another year is a kick in the teeth!

FBaby

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I don't think NRP's have a problem supporting their children, their whole lives. I think they have a problem with still supporting the ex's household.

I think it often comes down to this really, and yes, I can understand this completely when the amount of maintenance is such that it is very likely to be the case. Saying that, we just need to read wayne posts to see how clueless he is about the true cost of a child (a £10 pair of shoes expected to last how long, a year????).

In the end, it goes on both sides. In my case, my ex not paying a penny towards his children is very much the same than me subsidising his household, including his new partner (who doesn't work) and her children (who are not his).

Yes, we don't like to think that we are indirectly helping out financially our exes, but I know that in my case, I rather make sure that my kids are happy and well-adjusted, even if it means that my ex benefits from it than my kids having to do with less so that my ex does too.